Talk:Pete Buttigieg/GA2

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 12:00, 28 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]


I'll give this a go. Comments to follow in a day or two... ♦ jaguar 12:00, 28 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • Per MOS:LEADCITE, citations in the lead should be minimal unless it's covering challengeable material. There are an abundance of citations in the lead which unfortunately clutter it - I would be bold and remove the majority of these. The citation directly after his name should certainly be removed, though keep the ones regarding his name's pronunciation
    • I have removed the majority of citations present. However, in addition to the references on Buttigieg's name's pronunciation, I maintained the sources for Buttigieg winning the Iowa caucus in the 2020 Democratic presidential primaries. That contest's voting results process was especially prolonged, and I still remember the controversy over Buttigieg actually "winning" the Iowa caucus. Consequently, to maintain some fairness, I believe readers deserve to know more about how the victor (Buttigieg) was determined. Hurricane Andrew (444) 02:34, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      • It seems that there were some formatting issues with the references. Thank you for helping to fix the errors I unintentionally made. Moreover, I have removed some extra "ref name" tags myself. Hurricane Andrew (444) 14:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Before being elected as Mayor of South Bend in 2011" - should mayor be capitalised here? It wasn't before
    • Mayor should indeed be capitalized in the context you mentioned because we are referring to Buttigieg with a specific title. I have corrected the capitalization in a similar context and reworded another sentence such that the lowercase usage of mayor is more appropriate. Hurricane Andrew (444) 02:08, 29 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "launching his campaign" - include 'his' in the link to Pete Buttigieg 2020 presidential campaign, otherwise it looks like it's just linking to campaign
  • "He became the first openly LGBTQ person to launch a major presidential campaign" - what does this mean exactly? I believe he was indeed the first presidential candidate who was openly gay, so I would replace these blanket terms with something more precise like openly gay man to launch a major presidential campaign, and ditto with the other two mentions in the lead
    • I apologize if this comes across as rather blunt, but I must emphasize this fact: Pete Buttigieg is NOT the first openly gay man to run for president in the United States. That honor goes to Fred Karger. I attempted to find a reliable source confirming that Buttigieg was specifically the second gay man with the aforementioned distinction. However, because I was unable to do so, I reworded the sentence you mentioned in a slightly different and citable way. Moreover, thank you for rewording the terminology. Hurricane Andrew (444) 14:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • when he participated in several town halls and debates" - tweak the former to town hall meetings, and clarify the latter: television debates? Nationwide debates?
    • I have changed the former wording accordingly. With respect to debates, the majority of the debates between 2020 United States Democratic primary candidates (including Buttigieg) were broadcast on television. Consequently, I felt that television debates was the best terminology for this context. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:37, 30 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Early life and career
  • The first four paragraphs in this section start with 'Buttigieg', it would be good to mix it up
    • I have reworded the first section paragraph to include Buttigieg's first name. Moreover, I added some chronological context to the beginning of the section's third paragraph. Hurricane Andrew (444) 02:34, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The collage of Bagram Air Base is too large for the military service subsection and creates a lot of white space below. It would be best to remove it if you can't insert it elsewhere
    • I have removed the collage from Buttigieg's article. I believe that the collage does not enhance the reader's experience navigating the page, given that Buttigieg himself never appears in any images. Hurricane Andrew (444) 02:34, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Mayor of South Bend, Indiana
  • Perhaps remove 'Indiana' from the name of the subsection so it just reads 'Mayor of South Bend'? South Bend redirects to the city anyway
    • I have removed the state name from the subsection. Personally, I like the conciseness of your suggested alternative title. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:37, 30 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "(Boykins had first been appointed in 2008 by Mayor Stephen Luecke, and reappointed by Buttigieg earlier in 2012.[94])" - this bracketed sentence breaks the flow, either remove or rephrase it
    • I have rephrased the aforementioned sentence. Moreover, given that this information about Boykins is not directly related to Buttigieg's mayoral career, I have moved it into a footnote. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:17, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Buttigieg also dismissed the department's communications director, the one who had actually "discovered the recordings but continued to record the line at Boykins' command"." - the last half of this sentence is clunky, try something like Buttigieg also dismissed the department's communications director, who had discovered the recordings but continued to record the line at Boykins' command.
    • I have reworded the aforementioned sentence as suggested. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:17, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The city's first African-American police chief accepted the request" - I would remove this sentence as merge it into the next: When Buttigieg denied his request, Boykin, as the city's first African-American police chief, sued the city for racial discrimination,
  • "Buttigieg settled the suits brought by Boykins" - lawsuits?
    • According to the citations immediately after the aforementioned sentence, Buttigieg and the City of South Bend were indeed settling lawsuits. I have fixed the wording accordingly. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:56, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Known locally as "1,000 Properties in 1,000 Days", it is a project to repair or demolish" - since this is in present tense one would assume the project is still under way, but the following sentence states that it was completed before November 2015
    • Given the information in the following sentence, I have changed the highlighted tense to past tense to avoid harboring any misconceptions. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:56, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "returning to the United States on September 23, 2014" - United States is WP:OVERLINK
    • I have removed the overlink. Also, I believed that some of the information regarding Buttigieg's military service immediately preceding this text was more appropriate to be mentioned in the "Military service" section. I have also moved that information accordingly. Hurricane Andrew (444) 14:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The caption of the third image in the second term subsection ("There was a strong public reaction to the police shooting of Eric Logan") does not appropriately convey the contents of the image per MOS:CAPTION. Try something like Protesters marching in response to the death of Eric Logan or something similar
    • I have reworded the image caption with the text you have suggested. Hurricane Andrew (444) 14:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Buttigieg signed an executive order helping to establish a recognized city identification card in 2016" - this short sentence breaks flow and should be merged elsewhere
    • In all honesty, this sentence does not fit perfectly into any of the other paragraphs in the "Second term" subsection. I have merged the city identification card sentence into the first paragraph, which seemed most natural for me. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:54, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Most of the paragraphs in the second term subsection start with 'Buttigieg', rephrase some to add variety
    • I have rephrased some of the Second term subsection paragraphs as suggested to the best of my ability. Hurricane Andrew (444) 00:29, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "hoping to make the complex home to tech companies and residential condos." - how about hoping that the redevelopment would facilitate technology companies and residential condos (or industrial and housing units if you wanted to simplify)
    • I have reworded the aforementioned sentence with industrial and housing units. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:54, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...develop a city climate plan in April 2019. That month Buttigieg contracted with the Chicago firm Delta Institute to develop a plan." - merge to: develop a city climate plan in April 2019; Buttigieg signed a contract with the Chicago firm Delta Institute to help develop it.
    • I have combined the two sentences in question as suggested. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:54, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are some stubby paragraphs in the latter half of the second term subsection which could do with merging
    • A lot of the short paragraphs that you probably referred to discussed Buttigieg's infrastructure policy as Mayor of South Bend. Consequently, I have combined these paragraphs together. I also merged the last paragraph into the paragraph about Studebaker revitalization project. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Soon after Logan's death, Buttigieg presided over a town hall" - town hall meeting
  • "giving much credit to progress made under Buttigieg" - this may breach WP:NPOV
    • According to reference immediately after this sentence, Best Cities credited their ranking to Buttigieg revitalizing the Studebaker complex and central business district of his hometown. I have reworded the sentence to more explicitly state this source information. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:17, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "which includes South Bend" - should be in past tense
  • "despite a presidential bid being a long shot, he would garner enough recognition to become a dark horse contender for the vice presidential slot on the Democratic ticket" - this reads informally
    • Unfortunately, I do not have access to the citation immediately after this sentence, which may provide additional context regarding the language. Moreover, given that the 2020 United States presidential election is already over, I question if this sentence is even necessary. However, for now, I have rewritten the aforementioned sentence to have a more formal style. Hurricane Andrew (444) 18:40, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      • On second thought, I believe this sentence may be extremely confusing for readers and sounds very subjective. I have removed it altogether from Buttigieg's article. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Buttigieg appeared in campaign ads for Mueller" - advertisements

Taking a break. I will be back soon with more... apologies if it's overwhelming so far. ♦ jaguar 14:01, 28 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

2020 presidential campaign
  • "Amid the start of his presidential effort, Buttigieg published his debut book, autobiography Shortest Way Home." - unsourced
    • I have found a source not only in support of this statement, but also the date of the autobiography's publication. It comes from Buttigieg's official Twitter account, and I have incorporated the reference accordingly. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "noted the historical first of an LGBTQ candidate winning a state " - again, change to openly gay
  • Consider making the 'Post-presidential campaign' campaign into a subsection of the 2020 presidential campaign
  • "vice presidential nominee Kamala Harris's debate prep" - informal
    • I have reworded the sentence with this suggestion to emphasize that Buttigieg played the role of Mike Pence to prepare Kamala Harris for the 2020 election's vice presidential debate. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:14, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Secretary of Transportation
  • More stubby paragraphs in this section
    • I have condensed the paragraphs down to five in this section. From top to bottom, they describe Buttigieg's nomination process, department reforms, focus on racial justice, policy proposals, and policy initiatives. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He also encouraged a shift in the policy from decisions based on cars" - seems vague, I assume this refers to vehicle design
    • According to the source immediately after this sentence, Buttigieg is criticizing the focus of American infrastructure policy on cars. He wants greater attention on human decisions in the politics of transportation. I have rewritten the aforementioned sentence to better encapsulate these ideas. Moreover, I have added a second citation. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "according to New York senator, Chuck Schumer" - unnecessary comma
  • "when the Department of Transportation (under the leadership of Elaine Chao)" - Chao's leadership doesn't seem relevant here
    • I agree that mentioning Chao per se here is unnecessary, especially given that the biography template for Buttigieg already states that he succeeded her in the Secretary of Transporation position. I have removed any mention of the former's name. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:14, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Political positions
  • "Buttigieg supports eliminating the death penalty" - seems uncannily macabre when put next to the death penalty. How about abolishing
  • "... marijuana legalization" (straight after the point above) - this was already mentioned
    • I have removed the second mention of Buttigieg proposing to legalize marijuana. Hurricane Andrew (444) 16:14, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The fifth paragraph in the Social issues section relies too heavily on quotes and can be paraphrased
    • I have attempted to reword the content of the aforementioned paragraph such that it is paraphrased and maintains the essence of the quote information. Hurricane Andrew (444) 00:29, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • " it was also made known that "Pete has made enacting critical campaign finance reforms part of his campaign platform, including strengthening the Federal Election Commission (FEC) and pushing to overturn Citizens United and Buckley v. Valeo, if necessary, by a constitutional amendment."" - again this is very quote heavy and needs paraphrasing
    • I have removed the explicit quotations and paraphrased the source information more concisely. Hurricane Andrew (444) 00:29, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in universal full-day child care and 'pre-K for all children from infancy to age 5" - I assume this means pre-kindergarten? And write out five in prose
    • I have changed the style of the highlighted words accordingly. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:56, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Buttigieg also wants to triple Title I funding for schools." - informal, and what is Title I referring to?
    • I have changed the wording of the highlighted text to has proposed. Moreover, Title I refers to a section of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, which targets funding to American schools serving students of lower socioeconomic backgrounds. I have provided a link to the appropriate Wikipedia article and explained Buttigieg's proposal in greater detail. Hurricane Andrew (444) 15:56, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "His plan for debt-free college" - we have a tense issue here. Is this still his plan and has he enacted on some of these?
    • Unfortunately, Buttigieg's website no longer lists any policy proposals. Moreover, as Secretary of Transportation, educational issues such as college debt are not within Buttigieg's purview. He also has not been in any other position of power to enact his policies since the 2020 election. Therefore, I decided that the present perfect tense was the best option to express the ideas of the paragraph in question. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:51, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

There are quite a lot of issues with this article. At present it does not meet the well-written part of the GA criteria; its organisation could do with improvement and there are some instances where sentences could be rearranged. As far as I could see there weren't any unreliable sources, and the citations are correctly formatted. It will take some diligence but it is possible to push this up to a GA standard. I'll leave this article on hold. Please get back to me if you have any questions. ♦ jaguar 19:45, 28 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, Jaguar! Thank you very much for beginning this review and providing your detailed comments! Getting Pete Buttigieg's article to GA status has been a major goal of mine for the past couple of months, and I appreciate your time and role in the process! As I am in the midst of commitments outside of Wikipedia, I will need some time to address all of your feedback. However, I promise to bring forth the energy and dedication needed to pass this article on a personally inspiring subject over the next week. Also, I am glad to hear that citations are not an issue. Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:59, 29 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Jaguar: Once again, I would like to express my gratitude for you taking on my GA nomination of Pete Buttigieg's Wikipedia article. Given that the seven-day review process is about to conclude, I have just finished implementing your suggestions to the best of my ability. Please review my changes and let me know if there are any additional outstanding issues. If so, I kindly request that you give me a three-day extension to make more modifications, as I currently have limited Internet access. Regardless, I am extremely excited to hear your final decision regarding my nomination! Hurricane Andrew (444) 01:56, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@AndrewPeterT: I've read through the article again and am happy that this now meets the GA criteria. The quality of the prose has certainly improved; it now flows much better and the article's organisation is more pronounced. I moved most of the lead's citations into the body, and can confirm that all the references are reliable and formatted properly. Well done on your diligent work as it has certainly paid off! ♦ jaguar 21:34, 5 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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