Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Ozzie Smith
Continued review[edit]
Hyphens for "four year old" son?
1987 season: In addition to winning the Gold Glove Award at shortstop for the eighth consecutive year, Smithalsoposted...". Don't need that word when "In addition" is leading the sentence. That's really what also means.
"with Minnesota winning the decisive Game 7." One of these "noun-plus-ing" sentence structures that I've been seeing a lot lately.
- New phrase reads, "...with Minnesota winning the series." Is this acceptable? Monowi (talk) 02:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)
- The problem isn't really fixed by that. The best advice I can give you is to read User:Tony1/Advanced editing exercises and go down to the noun plus -ing section. That explains things better than I could, and provides some examples similar to this one, along with solutions. I need to come back and check the other comments, here and on the other page. Giants2008 (17-14) 23:10, 26 January 2009 (UTC)
- I'll fix this one, since it's the last thing left. The link above is still useful for future reference, however. Giants2008 (17-14) 21:46, 28 January 2009 (UTC)
The American dollar link really isn't that useful for an American subject.
1996 season: "and awarded Clayton the majority of playing time in the platoon situation that developed". I'm concerned that "platoon" may be a little too much jargon for our non-baseball fan readers. Fortunately, there is a platoon system article here. Why not pop that in as a piped link?
Noted for his ritual backflip before opening days, All-Star Games, and postseason games". Check capitalization of opening day. I've seen it used both ways on Wikipedia articles.
"The Cardinals then won Games 2,3, and 4". Space before 3.
Another noun-plus-ing: "With the Cardinals trailing by ten runs...".
- New phrase reads, "When the Cardinals were trailing by ten runs..." Is this ok?
Post-playing career: "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame, the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and was awarded an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from his alma mater Cal-Poly." If the whole sentence is read, it's somewhat awkward. Try this to start: "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame and the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and was...".
- New sentence reads, "Smith has also been honored with induction into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame and the St. Louis Walk of Fame, and received an honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree from Cal-Poly."
En dash needed for reference 17. There are so many book citations needing dashes that it's easy to miss one. The others look fine, though.
That's all from me. Giants2008 (17-14) 16:26, 23 January 2009 (UTC)