Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Haflinger (horse)/archive1

Comments by Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)

• "shorter and more draft-like" link draft here rather than last paragraph of lead; maybe link packhorse too (same sentence)
• "confederation of 22 national registries" link to breed registry?
• "golden chestnut" needs hyphen

In this context, I don't think a hyphen fits...we don't hyphenate horse colors, blood bay, seal brown, dapple gray, etc... Montanabw^(talk) 02:35, 14 November 2010 (UTC)

• link flaxen

• "Flaxen" redirects to the article about the Flax plant. Can't find one on the color or the gene, so far... Montanabw^(talk) 02:35, 14 November 2010 (UTC)Follow up': found Blond#Varieties, which describes the color, changed the link to that, but if you'd prefer it stay linked to chestnut horse color article, find with me.

• We've directed it to a portion of the chestnut (coat) article that discusses flaxen. The other option is a portion of Blond, but this is discussing human hair. Dana boomer (talk) 02:53, 14 November 2010 (UTC)

• "medium long" hyphen
• "…rhythmic gaits that cover large amounts of ground." last part seems a bit inelegant … maybe "considerable distance" or something

• Reworded to "naturally extended" - is this better?

• I put down "ground-covering", which is better horse lingo...extension refers to a phase of gait, usually rider-produced. Montanabw^(talk) 02:35, 14 November 2010 (UTC)

• link stud (I see it linked later in the second paragraph of History)
• "An Italian stallion" sorry, I LOLed when I read this
• "It is currently strongest in Italy," does "strongest" here mean most populous? --Yes -- MTBW
• "Especially in the early years of the breed's history, some inbreeding was practiced, both by accident and design." Is it possible to "practice" something by accident?
• "This served to further reinforce the dominant characteristics of the breed." use of "further" implies that was something else mentioned previously that reinforced the breed characteristics, but I don't see it
• "These abandoned horses are believed to have been influenced by Oriental bloodlines, and may help explain the high percentage of Arabian blood seen in the Haflinger." How is a blood percentage determined? Is this a genetic test? Or is this the horse-talk way of saying the breed has physical characteristics commonly associated with Oriental bloodlines?
• "A light type of mountain pony was first recorded" the type was light, or the pony was light?
• "Whatever its origins the breed developed in a mountainous climate," think this needs a comma after "origins"
• "well acclimated" hyphen
• link Val Venosta
• "with the aim of improving breeding procedures by pure-breeding and the establishment of a studbook and stallion registry." would this be better with the active voice, "and establishing…"
• "…and give prize money for events." what events?

• Changed to "breed shows".

• Refined link to "Horse shows" as the other article covers all types of animals and here there may have been ref to all-breed competition. Relinked other ref to breed shows. Montanabw^(talk) 02:57, 14 November 2010 (UTC)

• "…also meant that many unregistered mares of Haflinger type were covered by registered stallions" I don't know what is meant by "covered by" in this context

• It means "were mated by". Linked.

• "The demand for pack horses and varying amounts of breed knowledge among purchasers" Purchasers wanted varying amounts of breed knowledge?

• Meh. Reworded slightly. It's still a little awkward, but see what you think.

• Agree, still a bit awkward. How about "The combination of a high demand for pack horses and variable amounts of breed knowledge of the purchasers led to the purchase of both high- and low-quality horses, which had mixed results on breed quality." Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)

• "many well known Bavarian studs" well-known
• "Haflinger breeding had to be changed to create a horse that complied with modern needs." What were the modern needs after the war was over?

• They were needed more as saddle horses and less as draft/war horses. Reworded a bit, did this fix it?

• I tweaked it a bit more, as Hafs are probably driven as much as ridden, tried "recreational uses," but feel free to revert if that wasn't an improvement. 02:57, 14 November 2010 (UTC)~

• "Around this same time,"
• "Post-World War II Tyrol, as well as the breeding center at Zams, was under the control of American forces" was->were; as well as->including

• Changed to including, but I'm not sure about the first part. Wouldn't you say "Tyrol was under the control...", not "Tyrol were under the control"?

• Looking at this the next day, yes you're right. I initially thought because it was Tyol + another, it would be plural, but it sounds correct as written now. Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)

• link breed show

• Linked earlier when I changed something else.

• "buyers' commission" buyer's (?)

• Changed to purchasing - easier all around.

• "Southern Tyrol had no difficulty in selling its horses, as all of Italy was a market" not sure I understand what that last part means ... well okay maybe I do but it reads a bit odd to me.
• link mechanization

• Really? Isn't it kind of a common term?

• I guess. But no more than horse, Austria, and Italy, linked in the lead sentence ;) Sasata (talk) 03:34, 15 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Horses are graded based on conformation, action, bone," what is "action", and how do they grade "bone"?

• Action is gaits. Bone is based on how certain bones appear (or are measured) in comparison to the body - both too light of a frame or too stocky/coarse of a frame are penalized. Both terms linked.

• the Haflinger website (Oklahoma State University, current ref #1) was last updated in 1996, shouldn't this be mentioned in the citation (i.e. as a publication date)?
• why not mention the name of Prometea's cloned offspring?