Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Battle of the Kalka River

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Battle of the Kalka River[edit]

I recently rewrote the article and I am planning of taking it to GA and beyond. Any constructive critism or comments are most welcome. Thanks. Kyriakos (talk) 23:49, 3 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Cam[edit]

Just a few comments:

  • The lead doesn't have any citations. I realize that a majority of the article already has significant citation #'s, but it would be nice to have some in the lead as well(especially since the lead contains info that isn't referenced to elsewhere).
  • In the Aftermath section, "To stop the Mongols from the western side of the Dnieper, Mstislav destroyed all the boats he could find." stands to be reworded. I'd change it to "To stop the Mongols from crossing to the western side of the Dnieper, Mstislav destroyed all the boats he could find", simply for slightly more clarity.
  • The last two paragraphs of "aftermath" could do with a minor copyedit and some fleshing out. The wording simply seems too choppy.
  • I would replace the satellite image of the Dnieper with a map of the battle around the Dnieper, as this seems to have slightly more relevance to the article itself.

You've done well with this article. Great work. Cheers! Cam (Chat) 00:25, 10 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin[edit]

Overall, a very nice article; but a few points that might be worth looking at:

  • There's some slightly confusing wording regarding the two Mstislavs (e.g. "...the Mongols slaughtered them and executed Mstislav. Mstislav the Bold escaped..."); I think it may be better to use the epithets everywhere, to eliminate any ambiguity of this sort.
  • The "Background" and "Caucasus raid" sections seem like they ought to be combined somehow; both are really background material. Or perhaps "Caucasus raid" and "Prelude" could be made sub-sections of "Background"?
  • "Rus fall" is a very strange construction, as "Rus" here doesn't refer to a permanent grouping, and "fall" doesn't really take an adjective in any case; it should be "Rus defeat", or perhaps "Fall of the Rus".
  • There's some inconsistency regarding whether the name is rendered as Rus or Rus'.
  • As long as you're using short-form notes, I'd suggest using short-form titles as well.

Keep up the good work! Kirill 18:07, 8 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again, Kirill. I have added the Mstislavs epiphets and have made "Caucasus raid" a sub-section of background. I have also changed the "Rus fall" to "Rus' defeat" and I have also made the change from Rus to Rus'. Kyriakos (talk) 07:37, 9 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Wandalstouring[edit]

Misleading intro: The Battle of the Kalka River (Russian: Битва на реке Калке) took place on May 31, 1223, between the Mongol Empire (led by Jebe and Subutai and Kiev, Galich, and several other Rus' principalities) and the Cumans, under the command of Mstislav the Bold and Mstislav III of Kiev. The battle was fought on the banks of the Kalka River and ended in a Mongol victory.

On which side did Kiev fight? It is presented as part of the Mongol Empire in this intro. Wandalstouring (talk) 14:23, 20 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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