Wikipedia:Top 25 Report/February 7 to 13, 2021

The Top 25 Report

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous.
Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Most Popular Wikipedia Articles of the Week (February 7 to 13, 2021)[edit]

Prepared with commentary by Benmite, Igordebraga, and Mcrsftdog

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I spy:
Two winners (#1, #3), their team (#15), and one guy who was defeated (#4);
Three days (#2), two deaths (#5, #6), and one girl who was mistreated (#13);
Two of Tom's lovers (#15, #22), 19 floors (#5, #7, #17), one former shock trooper (#10)
Two lists about a bowl (#13, #17), and boy, was that bowl super! (#8, #24)

Rank	Article	Views	Notes/about
1	Tom Brady	3,976,246	We can now make a correction to that infamous quote: "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and Tom Brady's team winning at the Super Bowl." Tom Brady, who, with the Buccaneers (#15), won Super Bowl LV (#5), has now been a part of the winning team at the Super Bowl seven times. That's more years than most players will ever even make it to the Super Bowl. That's more years than some people even spend in the NFL at all. Tom Brady winning at the Super Bowl has become an American tradition. Hundreds of millions of people have been born and hundreds of millions have died in between Tom Brady's first win and this last one. If Tom Brady winning was a child, it would only be a year older than his daughter. Maybe Tom Brady will never stop winning the Super Bowl until he's dead...But what if Tom Brady never dies? What if he just keeps winning and winning? Is the way the world ends? Not with a bang, but with Tom Brady throwing a football?
2	The Weeknd	2,192,986	The singer whose name seems to be a tribute to people with dyslexia gave a perfectly okay halftime performance dedicated to Vegas nightlife (his music is dedicated to cocaine, so it makes sense) at the Super Bowl. There were people in red suits and face bandages bumping into each other in a narrow hallway -- hope they got the vaccine! -- people in red suits and face bandages dancing on the field, and The Weeknd in a red suit. Something tells me he's trying to cultivate a specific image, but I can't put my bandage on it. He also paid tribute to The Blair Witch Project by getting entirely too close to the camera. Also, did they only invite him to perform so that they could say it was a "Super Bowl Weeknd"? I doubt it, but that's not stopping me from pointing out that missed opportunity.
3	Rob Gronkowski	1,842,208	If you ever want a nickname that doesn't make you sound like a big oaf, maybe avoid using something that sounds like an onomatopoeia used to describe a piano falling on someone's head, like "GRONK!". Anyway, Gronk here is the tight end for the Buccaneers, and damned if I know what that means, but it sure makes for some solid "that's what she said" jokes.
4	Patrick Mahomes	1,520,572	He won last year's Super Bowl, and to the chagrin of everyone who wanted anyone but our #1 winning it all, couldn't repeat the feat.
5	Death of Elisa Lam	1,290,053	I'm starting to think Netflix is going through every brief true crime phase I had in high school to adapt each one into a miniseries. First they did it with Luka Magnotta, and now they've made Crime Scene, a series uncovering the circumstances surrounding the mysterious death of this Canadian student. She was found dead in a water tank at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles (#7) completely naked and with few ways to actually get into the tank. To make matters weirder, Lam was seen acting especially erratic in the hotel elevator in a surveillance video that went viral, which you can find in the article itself.
6	WandaVision	1,272,590	Hopefully those who didn't like the first three episodes for being sendoffs to old sitcoms remained to see how the show is now about a dangerous grieving superpowered women trapping a town in sendoffs to old sitcoms.
7	Cecil Hotel (Los Angeles)	1,166,664	Ms. Lam wasn't the first person to kick the can at this eerie hotel by a long shot. In fact, so many people died here that that fact alone has its own Wikipedia article.
8	Super Bowl LV	1,144,592	This country will never be unified until Tom Brady stops winning Super Bowls!
9	Rajiv Kapoor	1,135,987	The Kapoor family, so present in Bollywood, lost this member who had just completed his acting return.
10	Gina Carano	1,086,939	The former MMA champ and actress got dropped from her role as Cara Dune on the ever-popular Disney+ series The Mandalorian after she made a post on Instagram suggesting that the way Jews were treated during the Holocaust was akin to the way conservatives are being treated in modern-day America. Strange, since the only concentration camps in America that I've heard about as of late were endorsed by those very same conservatives. This isn't her first brush with controversy, either: she's been openly anti-BLM, has made transphobic remarks, has advocated for not wearing masks, and is a Trump voter fraud truther. I would be pretty bummed about losing such a sweet role, but then again, I'm Jewish and left-wing, so maybe I shouldn't empathize with her for saying something so patently stupid.
11	Shailene Woodley	930,386	Woodley, star of numerous teen dramas over the past 13 years, was reported to be dating Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Soon after, Rodgers accepted the NFL MVP award, thanking his fiancée Woodley.
12	Deaths in 2021	861,217	Let's quote from #2: It's way too late to save our souls, babe, yeah It's way too late, we're on our own
13	Britney Spears	855,680	People may have laughed at Chris Crocker's cries to "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" back in 2007, but in 2021, it would be hard not to take his side after seeing the New York Times documentary, Framing Britney Spears, which was released last week. It brought renewed attention to the #FreeBritney campaign, which sought to get the pop icon removed from her conservatorship under her father, as well as to the cruel scrutiny from the media that pushed her to her infamous breaking point in 2007. The doc even prompted Justin Timberlake, Spears's ex whose accusations of her cheating and sleeping with him contributed to the backlash against her, to give the vaguest apology of all time to both her and Janet Jackson, whose nipple was exposed to the world back in 2004 by Timberlake and caused her to be blacklisted by Viacom. You're a few decades late there, JT.
14	Jamie Raskin	830,849	One of the more understated stories of this week, oddly enough, was the second impeachment trial of Donald Trump, the first to happen for a former President. Democrats - led by House manager Raskin - probably would never have been able to get 17 Republican votes to convict, but they could have at least dragged out the media spectacle. When Republicans threatened to call witnesses (who, given the state of Trump's counsel, probably would've put their foot in their mouth) Democrats gave up, and Trump was acquitted just in time for the Senators to go home for Valentine's Day.
15	Gisele Bündchen	821,791	I've heard conspiracy theories that the super-est supermodel has been using black magic to get her husband to win the Super Bowl so often, and I can't say I doubt it, especially since every time he wins, she also miraculously appears on the list. Then again, if I was Gisele invoking evil spirits to do my bidding, I think the last thing I would be worried about is whether or not they could get me on the Wikipedia Top 25 Report, so maybe it is just a theory. A game theory!
16	List of Super Bowl champions	794,652	#1, a single player, has now surpassed both of the top two teams in total Super Bowl wins. Man, does American football have parity!
17	List of deaths and violence at the Cecil Hotel	787,538	Prior to some much-needed editing, this list described serial killers Richard Ramirez and Jack Unterweger's brief stays at the Cecil Hotel as "deaths and violence". I'm not an expert, but unless they killed anyone here, I don't think there's anything particularly violent about checking into a hotel.
18	Elon Musk	756,168	If there are three things people on the internet love, it's memes, Elon Musk, and goatse.cx...Maybe not that last one, but in any case, a few of Musk's tweets caused a surge in the stock price for the meme cryptocurrency Dogecoin, but as they say, what comes up must come down. Do I care? Uh...Of course not! Why would I care? I mean, it's not like I invested and lost money. Why would I do that? Ha ha...ha...Let's not talk about it.
19	Tampa Bay Buccaneers	744,778	After winning the Super Bowl back in 2003, the Bucs haven't seen victory at the playoffs in the two decades since - until this year, that is, after list-topper Brady joined the team. Now, they've claimed their second Super Bowl win.
20	List of Super Bowl halftime shows	688,575	Prince literally singing in the purple rain. Lady Gaga leaping from the top of the stadium. Janet's aforementioned nipple. In the past three decades, the halftime show has become as much of a cornerstone of American entertainment as the Super Bowl itself, and like everything that might seem too good to be true one year, it can go right back to being terrible in an instant.
21	Chinese New Year	669,251	It is now the Year of the Ox.
22	Bridget Moynahan	586,618	Tom Brady's win was so colossal that even his ex had to come out and congratulate him for it.
23	Valentine's Day	581,488	A holiday for the lovers, a class so thoroughly tested in this past year - the lockdown must've resulted in a record number of divorces/breakups, or pregnancies.
24	Super Bowl	573,959	Sports go sports! Athletics are number one! Participants are heroes! Go team, yeah!
25	Joss Stone	544,125	Apparently a lot of people were tuned into the season two finale for the British version of the singing competition series The Masked Singer - a zany import from the South Korean King of Mask Singer that has made it all across the world - or at least someone told them 'bout this songstress of blue-eyed soul (the nice way of saying white people soul) winning while dressed as a sausage, beating Ne-Yo, who was dressed as a badger.

Exclusions[edit]

This list excludes the Wikipedia main page, non-article pages (such as redlinks), and anomalous entries (such as DDoS attacks or likely automated views). Since mobile view data became available to the Report in October 2014, we exclude articles that have almost no mobile views (5–6% or less) or almost all mobile views (94–95% or more) because they are very likely to be automated views based on our experience and research of the issue. Please feel free to discuss any removal on the talk page if you wish.