Wikipedia:Peer review/Van Halen/archive2

Van Halen

This article has undergone significant editing and revision in the last five months. I believe the main objections have been rectified and this article is very ready to go through the FA process again. --Chevan 02:04, 13 March 2006 (UTC)

• Could the paragraphs under "(Dec 2005 - Present) Hiatus Again..." be written like the rest of the article in prose, not in timeline form? I believe Hiatus and Again should also be decaptalized, per WP:MoS. Also, note Wikipedia:Make_only_links_relevant_to_the_context#What_should_be_linked; years with full dates should be linked, like "October 7, 2005" (but not "1980" and "1981"!). AndyZ 00:22, 17 March 2006 (UTC)

• My first suggestion would be to go over to recommendations through the Wikipedia:Featured Music Project. I noted that a review has been made of the page, and I agree with the suggestions. Just about all the new FAC music articles have some sort of sound sample. As well, the FMP noted there were no outside references, i.e. books, referenced in the article, although Van Halen has had numerous biographies, official magazines, and music entries over the years.

• Personally, I think the article is a bit wordy, and at times sounds more like a "VH1 Behind the Music" special than an encyclopedia entry. Some examples, "The commercial success that Van Halen reached with Sammy Hagar set high expectations — and fans everywhere were watching and waiting for the band's next move" sounds odd. "By 1980, Van Halen was perhaps the world's most successful and influential hard rock band" sets yourself up for arguments by fans of Led Zep, AC/DC, and others who might feel there were other more successful and influential hard rock bands. Similar unsourced opinions slip through the article, like "5150 is generally considered the strongest album of the "Hagar era." and "A left over track entitled "That's Why I Love You" found its way onto the internet, leaving fans to wonder why it didn't make the album." are two other quick examples, although there are others. Also, the article is very wordy, i.e., "By September, however, David Lee Roth and the rest of the band were asked to present an award at the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards. On September 4, 1996, the four original members of Van Halen made their first public appearance together in over eleven years, presenting an award at the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards." Essentially, both sentences repeat the same thing.

• I think that the article is there information-wise, but the writing needs a complete copyedit. Work on eliminating duplicate words, opinions, and POV. Otherwise, an informative article on a major rock influence.

• Hope this is helpful. Best of luck!

--Ataricodfish 16:42, 17 March 2006 (UTC)

We need to discuss this more

Someone offer me some support. I've done major work, but progress is slow (The Elfoid 18:02, 18 May 2007 (UTC))

Message me on my talk page if you wish for me to highlight specific concerns with the article, and I'll review it with a fine toothcomb. LuciferMorgan 00:43, 31 May 2007 (UTC)