Wikipedia:Peer review/Portrait of an American Family/archive1

Portrait of an American Family[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to GA status. All the feedback will be very well received. Thanks, Ls883 (talk) 13:24, 23 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by H1nkles

You have a nice article here and I commend you for your work to bring this to WP:GAC. I'll give feedback based on the GA Criteria.

Lead

The lead needs to comply with WP:LEAD. Make sure all the topics on the body of the article are summarized in the lead. I don't see anything about the original dissatisfaction with Manson Family Album recording, which spawned Reznor's involvement. This should be in the lead.
I'd like to see a summary of the album themes in the lead as well. Paraphrasing the quote is fine.
I think the final two paras in the lead can be combined. Just an opinion though.
I don't see a mention of the Hot Topic store release or fan's reaction in the body of the article. This should be addressed.

Background

The writing is a little rough but will meet GA quality.
Take a look at WP:LIST. This is another WP:MOS requirement in the GA Criteria. Whenever possible try to make lists into prose. I'm looking at the list of differences between the two albums. I think this list could be expanded into prose, which would better conform to the MOS.
There are no references in the "track listing" or "differences" subsection, not that this is an absolute requirement but it would strengthen this portion of the article.

Themes

Can more be found here? Are there third party interpretations of the album and its themes that could be incorporated?

Music

Why are some of the songs not outlined in this section?
There is very little sourcing here, which needs to be addressed. Where are you getting the information?
Per WP:LAYOUT, try to avoid one and two-sentence paragraphs, combine or expand whenever possible.
The section entitled "samples" features a list of American cultural references. The section name doesn't really seem to fit the subject matter.
See my previous comments about the list, I think this list could also be made into prose.
No references in the Samples section either.

Promotion

Is there anything else that can be added here? A one-sentence section is frowned upon.
No references here.

Release

No references here.

Tour

How did the tour do? Did it help Manson's career or spawn further recordings?
No references here.

References

Ref 1 needs to be expanded. Try using a template like {{cite web}}. This will help make the references uniform. All refs should have a minimum of a title, publisher, url (unless it's a source that isn't online) and accessdate.
Ref 8 is a dead link and should be repaired.

Overall

The biggest weakness with the article is the lack of referencing. This needs to be beefed up before taking it to GAC.
A couple of MOS compliance issues with the lead and the use of a couple of lists that could be prose.
There could be a little more put in, like descriptions of all the songs and the promotion of the album.
Put in information about the Hot Topic release.
You're well on your way, the sourcing will take the longest but once you address that issue and the MOS stuff you should be fine. If you have questions or concerns please poke me on my talk page as I don't watch review pages. Best of luck to you. H1nkles (talk) _{citius altius fortius} 18:22, 12 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]