Wikipedia:Peer review/Olympic Committee of Portugal/archive1

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Olympic Committee of Portugal[edit]

This article was created by me and I'm its main editor so far. I believe it's quite developed considering I used one major source and one or two extra-references (probably a minus argument) but I would appreciate a second opinion about what should be improved in both content and writing style. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 23:19, 22 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Hey there. I have done a little copyediting to the page. It looks very good! I just have a problem with the wording of this sentence; maybe try to fix it up so that it's more understandable:

    On occasion of the 75th anniversary of the Portuguese presence in the Olympic Movement – which also celebrated 90 years since the latter's creation in 1894 – the IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch visits Portugal in October 26, 1984, to take part at the solemn ceremonies.

    → JARED (t)  18:38, 23 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hey, Jared, thanks for the copyediting! It's always good sense to ask a native speaker to correct the grammar. As for that particular sentence, I understood your point and I've reworded it into this:

    On October 26, 1984, IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch visits Portugal to take part at the solemn ceremonies of the 75th anniversary of the Portuguese presence in the Olympic Movement, which, coincidentally, celebrated 90 years since the its creation in 1894.

    Is it understandable now?
  • I briefly skimmed the article, but haven't done anything to it. One of my base problems with the article actually occurs in this sentence. A phrase like "solemn ceremonies" is a bit weaselly and unless attributable, should be avoided. The phrase "since the its creation" doesn't make sense. Did you mean "since its creation"? --Sue Anne 01:44, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've erased that weasel word and that extra "the" was a glitch from a previous idea. Thanks, Sue Anne. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 19:15, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Nothing else in the article? I wanted to include a picture of the COP's president, but it's so hard to get a non-copyrighted photo. I don't know if I could upload a copyrighted one and claim fair-use. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 20:22, 23 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I looked over it very quickly, so I didn't have time to look at everything. But the new rewording was good-- I just had to make a couple grammatical/tense changes. As far as the picture, I've never had a full grasp of the fair-use of a copyrighted work thing. I think that it would be acceptable, but don't ask me because I've always done it wrong! → JARED (t)  21:39, 23 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • If the article was about the COP president or if the picture was taken at a COP meeting, you might be able to find a photo out there that you could claim as fair use. But, that would be really difficult. Did you check over on Commons to see if anything was there? --Sue Anne 01:39, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've already put a photo request on the man's article but I don't believe I'll get one in this century, lol. There's nothing on Commons, unfortunately. The thing is he's a "living person" so I can't claim fair-usage on a copyrighted photo (which I'm able to find) because it's possible for me to travel about 300 km, knock on his door and ask him to smile for the camera - but is it reasonable? Parutakupiu talk || contribs 01:59, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hi Parutakupiu, one other comment I'd like to add is that I think the use of navigational boxes as lists in the middle of the article is not a good style. I think normal bulleted lists are perfectly suitable for this purpose. Good work putting this article togather! Andrwsc 15:41, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • You're referring to the presidents table also? I had previously displayed the sports federations as list but they seemed to long. But if you think it's wiser, ok! Parutakupiu talk || contribs 19:15, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yeah, it's only 11 people long, so that's a manageable list in the standard format. I just think that navigation boxes ought to be reserved completely for that specific purpose. Andrwsc 23:45, 24 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Despite a pause on the reviews, I've been developing the article, so there are new things that may be subject to an appreciation. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 00:06, 30 January 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Hi. I was wondering if you could incorporate some of the main info from Portugal at the Olympics into the article, as the OCP would presumably be in some way responsible for the athletic performance of the delegation. Also, I think you should find some info about funding - how does the OPC get the money it needs to perform its activities, eg, government, private sponsorship, and also how it interacts with the various sports - eg the Australian Olympic Committee distributes money from the Government of Australia to the various sports. The other thing is that there are too many lists - If you are looking towards an FA in the future, you should either expand text into them - eg, in the President's section, put stuff about what the policies and changes that the given president did during his reign. For the list of sporting bodies, it proabbly should not be ther unless you have articles for each sporting federation. I think there needs to be more on how the decision making process and selection of the body occurs. Also has there ever been a bid by Portugal to host the Olympics? If so, this should be mentioned, or if any Portuguese IOC delegates were involved in bribery, etc. I can help you with the language. I always admire people who try to do their best in a second language. Regards, Blnguyen (bananabucket) 01:38, 5 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Here are some commments on the history section. I'll look through the rest later.

  • Why is José Vicente de Moura referred to as Commander in the lead section? Neither this article nor the article about the man himself explains this.
  • The letter cited in the first footnote is in French, not in Portuguese. I also think it would be better to find some kind of secondary source anyway.
  • "Sources defend this date [in 1906] as the real country's accession date to the Olympic Movement". "and this date [in 1909] is still regarded as the Olympism's date of institution in Portugal, making this nation the 13th to enter the Olympic Movement." This is a contradiction. Obviosly not all regard the latter date as "the Olympism's date of institution in Portugal".
  • The word "upgrade" in the second paragraph of the history section has to be clarified.
  • More wikilinks should be created, some examples: Jaime Mauperrin Santos, Portuguese Public Instruction minister, Olimpo, Portuguese Olympic Academy. Even if they are red these links should still exist so that editors will be motivated to write articles on these topics. --Carabinieri 13:48, 15 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks for your review on the history section, which is quite a big poart of the article and the most sourced one. I believe I fixed all the points you mentioned. Please, confirm. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 15:50, 15 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah, that's been taken care of. The main issue with the rest of the article is that (most of) it needs to be turned into prose first.--Carabinieri 14:08, 16 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
You think so? As the main editor, it's easy to let many things pass undernoticed, even more when I'm writing in a non-native language - get's hard to maintain a prose-like text. That's why I'd like reviewers such as yourself to go forward and copyedit the article as needed. Parutakupiu talk || contribs 16:27, 16 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]
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