Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Prime Ministers of Indonesia/archive1

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List of Prime Ministers of Indonesia[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to try and improve it to Featured List but am unsure how to improve it. The list portion itself is already complete, and referencing has been done. Free images have been included for almost all of the Prime Ministers except for two (although a search has been done) Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:14, 13 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:14, 13 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this list. Here is a short list of suggestions for further improvement.

Background

  • I think "prime minister" generally should appear in lower-case letters, as you have it in the first sentence of the "Background" section. I would capitalize it only when it's being used as a particular person's title; e.g., Prime Minister Wilopo. Ditto for other titles like "president" and "vice president" when used in a generic way.
  • "Due to the instability of the coalition cabinets" - It might be helpful to say what parties were part of the coalitions and, briefly, what the parties were like or what they generally stood for. Were there only three parties, the ones in the list, or were there others? Did one party dominate? Were some bigger than others? Who did they represent?
  • "The presidentially-chosen Prime Minister was tasked with handling routine governing and being in charge of the cabinet... " - Could you give some examples of "routine governing" and to explain what "being in charge of the cabinet" entailed?
  • Rather than "presidentially-chosen Prime Minister", I'd incline toward "prime minister, chosen by the president".
  • "due to the inability of the NKIP" - Should this be KNIP?
  • "After the 30 September Movement and the release of Supersemar... " - I'd elaborate a bit here. Foreigners will probably not know anything about the 30 September Movement or Supersemar. The phrase "release of Supersemar", for example, might be taken to mean the release from prison of someone named Supersemar. Clicking through to the Supersemar article makes the meaning clear, but it would be good to have it more clear in this article without forcing a click-through.
  • Would it be helpful to add a bit of Indonesian history to this section? Foreigners may wonder what was special about 1945, how old Indonesia is as a nation-state, and what form(s) of government it had before 1945.

List

  • The sort on the first column does not work quite properly because of the parentheses in (8). It might be better to make this column not sortable.
  • The second column seems to sort by first name. Would it make more sense to arrange the names last name first so the sort is on the last name? Or, since the list is so short, do any of the columns need to be sortable?
    • Removed sortability; Indonesians do not always have family names, so sorting by first name is common. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:26, 26 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the "Term of Office" column or perhaps in a separate column, would it be possible to list the major accomplishments or legislative actions during each particular term?

Other

  • Would it be useful to add which of the former prime ministers are still alive as of 2011?
  • I would consider adding an infobox or a lead image to the upper-right-hand corner of the article.
    • I'll ask you on your talk page what infobox you would suggest. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:26, 26 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 20:56, 25 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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