Wikipedia:Peer review/Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814/archive1

Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I'd like to advance this article to GA and eventually FA. I would appreciate notes on how to expand each of the sections on the article and also where to trim unnecessary information. Thanks, The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 23:16, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This article seems to have all the information needed, but needs some clean up and copyedits to get to FA. I think it is fairly close to GA, although some work is also needed there. Here are some suggestions for improvement:

• It is always a good idea to have a model article or two to look at for ideas. There are many album FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music
• Try to avoid needless repetition, especially in the lead. There has to be some way to avoid saying Jam and Lewis produced in two consective sentences in the first paragraph of the lead, and three times in the lead overall.
• Really unclear sentence: Departing from themes of independence present in Jackson's 1986 breakthrough album Control, Rhythm Nation 1814 is a concept album based on social injustice; as a recurring theme, romance also present in the album's content. Is social injustice the recurring theme or romance?
• Since the infobox lists eight singles, I think the lead should be clarified, perhaps Its seven [commercial?] singles, ...
• Is "6x platinum" the official term? It seems more like it should be "six-fold platinum"?
• This sentence seems to contradict itself: Originally, executives at A&M wanted Jackson to expand on the ideas presented on Control, but she was not willing to compromise her artistic integrity and substituted their concept for her own.[3] I think if it said something like ... integrity, and substituted her concept for theirs.[3] that would be clearer.
• I would split Background into two paragraphs, probably start second paragraph at the name
• Production section needs a reference for the last two sentences - any reason given why she dedicated the album to her mother?
• In Music "Black Cat" departed from Jackson typical musical style, being the sole rock production of the album. needs a ref and as a one sentence paragraph should be combined with another paragraph or expanded.
• Are reviews described in present tense or past? It seems like it should be past tense to me, but this may be an album article convention I do not know.
• Refs 16, 17, and 18 are all the same (could be combined) and do not give specifics on the facts they back up (6x platinum status, for example). Need better ref(s) for GA and especially FA
• A companion video compilation was also issued on both VHS and Laserdisc. On April 24, 2007, iTunes added all of Jackson's A&M-era albums to their music library. needs a ref or two
• American singer and album, so avoid British spellings such as In 1989, while the album was being finalised, Jackson ...
• The whole Videography section has ZERO refs
• Legacy section is short - could it be combined with Critical reception? I think the quote needs to be attributed (say who said it) per WP:MOS#Quotes
• Watch out for peacock language - like "superstardom" - it is usually best to attribute POV terms like this (According to X...) Try to make the article more encyclopedic in tone. Generally the examples themsleves prove the point - Show, Don't Tell and WP:PEACOCK
• Refs that have more than one author should list the author names the same way - I think ref 33 for example should be Vincent, Rickey; Clinton, George (1996). Funk: the music, the people, and the rhythm of the one. Macmillan, 284. ISBN 0312134991. (both last name, first name)
• Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:07, 16 June 2008 (UTC)