Wikipedia:Peer review/Hyderabadi haleem/archive1

Hyderabadi haleem

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because the primary contributor and I think it has potential to become a featured article. The article is small, any advise on content enhancement will be highly valuable. Any other kinds of suggestion are welcome.

Thanks, Dwaipayan (talk) 01:08, 21 July 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• Article has few images, external images are not required (few are irrelevant too).
• Further reading section should be beneath "References"
• Hyderabad cuisine linked in article body WP:ALSO.
• Nutrition section does not have satisfactory data.
• External links need cleanup. --Tito☸Dutta 07:05, 3 August 2013 (UTC)

Thanks a lot for the review. Changes made.--Dwaipayan (talk) 20:51, 3 August 2013 (UTC)

• Thanks for your review once again, expanded the section Nutritions, needs your advice it it is okay? Regards:)--Omer123hussain (talk) 22:05, 6 August 2013 (UTC)

Comments from Ugog Nizdast

Thanks for inviting me here. Nice work so far with this, and after reading it, here are things which I dug up. A dish which is a GA?...I really need to try it out. Anyway, let's get started.

• Regarding sentence formatting,
  • In this sentence, "In recognition of its cultural significance and popularity, in 2010 Hyderabadi haleem was granted Geographical Indication status (GIS) by the Indian GIS registry office, making it the first non-vegetarian dish in India to be listed as GIS (can this be removed and framed accordingly?)." -Leaving for Dwaip :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 21:05, 16 August 2013 (UTC)
  • Ghotni photo description needs to be refined (just a suggestion, not a mistake), can it also be mentioned in the article? -Fixed.
    • In infobox, "Creators: Chaush (...)" seems crude, how about "originated from the Chaush people" or something?-Fixed
    • When I first read it, I thought what does the term "connisuer chefs" mean here and their relevance, expand?-Fixed
      • Connisuer chefs, not sure regular readers might get this. I think it would be better to use another word in this case.
  • "Like Hyderabadi biryani, the preparation of haleem in Hyderabad has become an art form" is cited to Kapoor in lead, why not in the rest of the article? Otherwise citations usually are not needed in the lead. Also why not mention "Sanjeev Kapoor says it's an art form" if he is the only source saying so.-Fixed
• "Nutrition" section goes above "Popularity"? (again, suggestion)-Fixed
• Really small quibbles concerning duplicate links...-fixed
  • Nizam and ghee
  • GIS and other related links
  • WP:MOS says a reader should not be forced to click on a link, so can something more be mentioned about GIS?
• Can you get rid of space in section Preparation? It looks a bit jumbled up with the photo on one side and the portal on the other. Make it more compact.-Fixed --Omer123hussain (talk) 21:05, 16 August 2013 (UTC)

I took the liberty and made a small change. Will suggest more if needed. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 17:44, 12 August 2013 (UTC)

Doubt: Does this article use Indian English? I just realised from this edit that it doesn't but I still at the same time see words like popularised not popularized...I'm confused. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 18:57, 12 August 2013 (UTC)

• wow! I am so happy :) I get really elated when I come across such a good peer reviewer or copy editor, especially someone who has knowledge about India. Thanks a lot for your review. I have not been able to look at all the points you mentioned, but surely will do ( either Omer or I). And yes, we will definitely use your power in other articles/ reviews.

The article uses British English. So it is flavour, popularise etc. if you find something else, that's error, and needs to be fixed. Regards.--Dwaipayan (talk) 23:40, 12 August 2013 (UTC)

You are too kind and I'm grateful to be of help. I'm ironically a bad copy editor on my own (still learning), just ask anyone who has edited after me. I'll wait then for the you both to start (take your time...) and after that, I'll read it again to give final suggestions. British English eh? I believe there's a minor spelling left for you to fix (won't do it myself, see article latest history). -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 18:22, 13 August 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for your review, will work on suggestions you gave. Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 18:42, 14 August 2013 (UTC)

Some more -

• Though I doubt anything can be done better, the spacing around the "preparation" section still makes me uneasy. I mean the arrangement of the three images around it, but this article is small so let it be.
• Wording/phrasing related,
  • haleem provides a quick energy rush? does not sound encyclopaedic IMO.
  • slow-digesting and fast-burning ingredients? could it be made more technical and precise?
• "Main ingredients" in the infobox just mentioned only three of it, Gumbo article has also specified more.
• Hope you both are right about the "Hyderabadi haleem" capitalisation? I've seen an instance of Haleem...
• Sentence requires copy editing, make it shorter - In 2010 Hyderabadi haleem was awarded Geographical Indication status by the Indian GI registry office in Chennai. It became the first meat product of India to receive a GI certification.[12][28] This means that a dish cannot be sold as Hyderabadi haleem unless it meets the necessary standards laid down for it.

-Ugog Nizdast (talk) 19:51, 17 August 2013 (UTC)

Fixed the above errors. Regards :)--Omer123hussain (talk) 21:26, 24 August 2013 (UTC)