Wikipedia:Peer review/Harvard Glee Club/archive1

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Harvard Glee Club[edit]

I have been working on this article for a bit. I think it's concise and well-enough written, but I want to improve the flow within the subsections and I'd like to improve the references and see-also section but I'm not totally sure how. I don't want to link to the group's website over and over again. I would like feedback and fixes from people who are totally unrelated to either the group or the school in general but who appreciate its significance. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Dmz5 (talk • contribs) .

  • I'll give this one a run-through in the next few days. Looking at your contribution history, I also notice you're fairly new to Wikipedia (kind of like me!). Welcome! Just to let you know, on Wikipedia, it's a good idea to sign your posts. Just add four tildes (~~~~) at the end of your post, and the signature is added for you automatically. :) Cheers, Gzkn 13:01, 3 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Overall, this is a pretty well written article, and the structure makes sense. With some work, I think we can approach good article status.
    • First, did you get a chance to read through the automated review? It has some good general advice about the article.
    • Citations Tutmosis pointed out above some handy links that all Wikipedians should be familiar with. And all the citation templates, including citeweb, are incredibly useful, in my opinion. Are you affiliated with Harvard? If so, do you have access to the libraries? That should probably give you enough different sources (and printed ones, too) so that we won't have to constantly link to the group's website. I did a quick search through the HOLLIS catalog and the results looked promising. Also, the Crimson's archives might be useful. I note, too, the sentence "the Glee Club's archives hold a number of long feature articles about the tour in a variety of newspapers". If you have access to those archives, that would be incredibly useful for expanding the History section.
    • The lead, as mentioned in the automated review, could be expanded per WP:LEAD.
    • ...they also hold appointed positions such as Manager, Financial Manager, Sales Manager, and so on... Who appoints them? Also, why "and so on"? Is the list of appointed positions very long? If so, pick and choose some important ones - no need for "and so on".
    • Each tour and major project, such as a large concert or recording project, has its own manager Repition of "project".
    • ...taking care of virtually every fact of the group... "Aspect" might work better than "fact". Or did you mean facet?
    • The Glee Club rehearses in Holden Chapel in Harvard Yard, one of the oldest college buildings in America (built in 1744). How about The Glee Club rehearses in Holden Chapel in Harvard Yard. Built in 1744, it is one of the oldest college buildings in America.?
    • The group performs most of its concerts in Harvard's Sanders Theatre, which is renowned for its excellent acoustics. Sentence seems lonely and out of place :). Could it be integrated in a paragraph somewhere?
    • ...to become Glee Club conductor as well. "As well" is unnecessary.
    • 1921 saw... Avoid starting sentences with a number/year. How about "The year 1921..."?
    • Like I mention above, consider expanding the History section using the Glee Club's archives to include more details. It seems like they have quite an interesting past.
    • In the past few years alone... No need for "alone".
    • Might the last sentence in History be better suited for the About the Current Group section?
    • Use some synonyms for "repertoire" in the beginning of Musical tradition, as the first three sentences all contain the word.
    • Second paragraph of Musical tradition is only one sentence, and should probably be incorporated into the first paragraph.
    • The logo could use a caption saying what it is, when it was adopted, etc. Also, could we perhaps get an image of the Glee Club in concert to replace the promotional material one?
    • I actually happen to think the See Also section is good enough as is. I'm wary of making articles too "listy", as it invites people to include numerous random links that are peripherally related to the topic.
    • The most glaring issue is the lack of citations. Working through the article and incorporating inline citations will take a good deal of time and patience, but it's well worth it.
    • Hope this was helpful. If you have any questions/comments, let me know. Good luck! Gzkn 03:48, 4 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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