Wikipedia:Peer review/Citizen Kane/archive2

Citizen Kane

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it needs some work to get it ready for FA status.

Thanks, Deoliveirafan (talk) 15:10, 2 May 2015 (UTC)

I've notified WikiProject Film about this and we can consider inviting editors from the volunteer list too. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 10:10, 15 May 2015 (UTC)

Comments by Ugog Nizdast

Doing this, will begin within a few days. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 04:23, 4 June 2015 (UTC)

• WP:TOOBIG: Omg, one script calculates the readable prose size to be 139kb! For perspective, US is 89kb and India is 52kb. Guideline says above 100kb should definitely be split and trimmed; we consider splitting when it passes 60. This one is the certainly I biggest I've ever done. I've just got my feet wet in this so I've not sure what's the merging plan and the status of the article. I notice that the sections Pre-production, Sources, Style and Reception are huge enough to be candidates for splitting.
  • I think there might be an overuse of quotations and excessive details here though for a film such as this, the size might be justified. Shortening the content will be necessary. The quotations and certain parts may be TOOMUCH (I had the same problem with one of my articles too). Quotes are used only when we can't explain it better in prose, or when it is a strong opinion etc. Trimming would definitely make it more readable. Maybe after that we can consider whether we should split the article. Here's one instance: Mankiewicz as co-writer "A neurotic drinker and a..", "His behavior, public.." and "Nobody was more miserable," which at first glance, I'm not sure of their relevance, shouldn't all this be in the Mankiewicz bio page rather than this film? Ask if you want me to find more areas which I think is excessively detailed and point out more quotations. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 07:33, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

• Plot: Unless there is a certain reason for writing like this:
  • Who is Walter Parks Thatcher or how is he affiliated to the Kane family? He is abruptly added without being introduced.
  • "Mary Kane" introduce her as his mother.
  • " the niece of a President of the United States.", feels like this link was shoehorned here, not needed unless for context or a certain president is being referred to.
• Development: I'm not yet confident that I can do minor ce here without changing the meaning. Take this example: "Following "The War of the Worlds" broadcast of his CBS radio series The Mercury Theatre on the Air, Welles was lured to Hollywood with a remarkable contract. 153 RKO Pictures studio head George J. Schaefer wanted to work with Welles after the notorious broadcast, believing that Welles had a gift for attracting mass attention." See how I just trimmed the redundant part and joined the sentences? -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 11:34, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
• Though not present throughout the article, I think the paras in some sections are too short making it confusing to the readers. See Wikipedia:Writing better articles#Paragraphs, and in my opinion they should be around 5-7 lines. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 07:33, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

I could go further and waiting for your response. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 07:33, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

I just made a few revisions based on some of your comments. I'd also agree that some of the quotes could be shortened and summarized.--Deoliveirafan (talk) 05:03, 11 June 2015 (UTC)