User talk:Treedovey/sandbox
Hello! I'm currently a student at DePaul University studying international studies, economics, and Spanish. I work part-time at a bakery as well as a law firm.
Hi Tess, this is a good start, but I'd suggest you choose one or two other sections to translate as well, please. Additionally, once you've received feedback from the peer review and added a bit more, you should probably turn to concentrating on how you'll incorporate your work into the existing English Wikipedia article. Bradhoot (talk) 21:04, 11 October 2021 (UTC)
Hi Tess!
Thanks for letting me read your work today :) Here are my comments for peer review:
1. I think you have a lot of information that's really culturally rich and diverse, so I'm excited to see how it progresses! I noticed that there are still some sections in spanish, so make sure to pay attention to grammar when you translate and how the vocabulary may or may not transfer over. 2. I noticed in the original article that some keywords are bolded and some aren't, so consider playing around with this a little bit! 3. I might suggest translating some of the headers! 4. Consider playing around with some of the sections/information to create an introductory section to introduce the article 5. I noticed the notes section was formatted a bit to the right, so this may be something to look at.
All in all, I think this is gonna be SO interesting! Great job and thanks again :)
Araney1 (talk) 18:37, 3 November 2021 (UTC)Angie
--¡Buen trabajo en tu reseña, @Araney1:! Gracias por colaborar con tus compañeros para producir el mejor artículo final posible. Bradhoot (talk) 13:14, 4 November 2021 (UTC)
Comments on second draft[edit]
@Treedovey: Good work on your draft article! Here are some comments to help you revise as you prepare to publish your work by integrating it with the existing English article. I saw your to-do list, which is good. You’re right to be thinking about those things. You should, wherever possible, link to the English-language version of the relevant article. If there isn’t one, you have to make a decision. If there’s something related in the English Wikipedia, you could link there. If not, you can link to the Spanish one, but you should note that you have done so in the text. Regarding spelling, use the English spelling, generally without accents; you can probably use the existing English article as a guide.
- You definitely want to add links wherever possible. For instance, Sonora, exonym, Yaqui, endonym, and many other things should be links.
- In the introduction, the sentence starting “In 1952,…” needs a citation.
- The Seri Territory section needs citations.
- I’m a bit confused about the necessity of the “Infrastructure” section.
- Is there a desert called the “Altar Desert”? If so, and it’s a proper name, it should be capitalized. (Also in this sentence, directions in English usually are not capitalized.)
- In the list of recognized Seri groups, there are various formatting issues that need to be fixed. Also, aren’t there supposed to be seven of them?
- I like that you included the language section
- The sentences in the Health section are all hard to parse and seem like translation-ese to me; consider re-writing or omitting (since they don’t have sources).
The biggest issue remaining to you is incorporating citations to trustworthy sources, which was the topic of our last workshop. Most of what you’ve translated doesn’t have in-line citations, but you need to add at least five citations to the resulting English article. You should focus on getting information with solid sources translated from other sections or in finding sources for the sections you’ve translated. In addition to these changes and the ones I made directly, in our workshop, you should be prepared to think about how you’re going to incorporate your work into the existing article. Where is each piece going to go? How will you integrate things so that you’re not duplicating existing material? Where will you replace existing material with your new material? How might you need to alter your translation to fit in the existing context, including some possible re-writing?