User talk:JoshLix/sandbox

Nicole draft feedback[edit]

Hi, Joshua!

It looks like you're making some strong additions to the event details in particular with your draft work so far, which is a great direction to go. Some things that stand out as strengths to me in this draft are:

the focus on specific components of the festival (fireworks show, Blues Cruise, the different stages, etc.)
clear organization of the different sections
strong sourcing for most information stated as fact (the Marriott afterparty and the Blues Cruise should get sources, but otherwise the sourcing is well handled)

Some things to think about as you continue improving this article:

what else does it need? Which of these additions need a little more expansion, explanation, or clarity? (For example, what year was the Blues Cruise added? When in the festival does it run--once, daily, something else? Are there any years since it started that it hasn't operated? If so, what prevented it from running that/those year/s?)
how will these additions be carefully integrated into the existing article material? (an example here is that the Oregon Food Bank connection is mentioned at least twice in the existing article, but the Sunshine Division isn't mentioned at all...)
it will also be beneficial to give this a careful proofread, particularly looking for fragment sentences and any "you" pronouns (which aren't used in this kind of writing)

I hope these notes are helpful, and I look forward to seeing the final version of this! Nicoleccc (talk) 05:58, 13 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Chase draft feedback

Hi Josh,[edit]

I love the Blues festival it has always been super fun. I think you have some great main points your going after here. I liked reading about who has done the art for the past 18 years. Maybe an easy way to expand on this is having maybe a returning artist/musician selection? Or "local talent" I don't know but I know there is a huge music scene here and think it would be pretty cool to read about.

I liked the donation tab as well. I think it would be pretty cool to hear about the other donors and events that have spawned off of this if any. I thought that you had a neutral view as well and it seemed to flow pretty well. Good job man hope your pup is doing well and I look forward to reading it again!Chase503 (talk) 20:49, 13 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Draft feedback[edit]

The Blues Festival has been one of my favorite summer traditions! Despite the heat, each show is enjoyable. As for the draft- You've got a good amount of sources, but you might want to add a reference (or just another [_]) to the after party sentence. I haven't heard of the after party and I'm interested to learn more! The draft has sections (such as the information about donations) that are relevant and useful for interested readers. If you're able, you could add some more info on the art portion, such as who was the first poster artist. There are a few grammatical errors that should be changed, but otherwise the draft is neutral, has enough sources, is informative for readers and will strengthen the original article. Good job! I look forward to reading the final draft! Lilyloumuir (talk) 04:27, 18 February 2019 (UTC)[reply]