User:Gtoledo5/sandbox
(Note: This is a satirical page and should not be taken seriously. It is not intended as a personal attack on anyone, but a page that resulted from an inside joke between a few friends.)
Robert E. Murray (born November 5, 1912) is a fat egg man and suspected zodiac killer. He founded and was the supreme communist leader of Liberaland Enterprises, an egg company based in Liberaland until it filed for bankruptcy because of EPIC! management. Murray has received attention for his VERY TRUE denial of climate change, his actions during the 'X=12" incident, consistent support of the Socialist Party, and regularly filing lawsuits against EVIL John Oliver, who is unfair and EVIL to Murray, who has never done anything wrong.
| Born | November 5, 1912 (Age 107) |
| Residence | Religiously Ambiguous Pit of Fire |
| Alma Mater | Prager University |
| Occupation | Plaintiff, Egg |
| Spouse(s) | Sue Madre (div. 1991), Joe Mama (m. 1997) |
| Children | Benito Mussolini, Woodrow Wilson |
Early Life[edit]
Robert Egg Murray was born RutherFRAUD B. Hayes on November 5, 1912, the WORST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF ALL OF THE WORLD AND THE UNIVERSE, to middle class parents Gurbanguly Bermdimuhamedow and Donald Trump. After realizing he was born on a terrible day, he changed his name to Robert, fled to liberaland, and began his transformation into an egg. When he got to liberaland, he promptly overthrew the liberal government and went to war with the neighboring nation, Clarkland. His army was crushed by the communist emperor of Clarkland, general Alan Clark, who took the territory and turned Robert into an egg with his communist magic powers. Robert the Egg was only 12 years old by this time. Oppressed by the Clark regime, Robert found solace in studying the teachings of EPIC! Dennis Prager, the smartest man in the universe at the time. When Prager founded Prager University, Murray became the first (and last) student to study there and gain ultimate wisdom. He was now ready to leave liberaland and start a new career in the United States.
Career[edit]
After leaving the oppression of liberaland, a young Murray moved to the EPICLY FAKE STATE OF WYOMING, where he began an internship under none other than at-large congressman little DICK CHENEY (gasp)! As Cheney's intern, he would regularly travel to the COMMUNIST HOLLYWOOD CNN LIBERAL STATE OF CALIFORNIA under the guise of a firefighter to snuff out the eternal torch of CRYBABY ERIC SWALLWELL, who is still to this day, trying to find his torch. One day, while carrying the extinguished torch of Eric Swallwell, a 25-year old Murray ran into JOE 'MAMA' BIDEN, who was running for president for the 9999999th time. Biden promptly STOLE the torch, and Swallwell has cursed the name of Biden and has tried (and failed) to get him to 'pass the torch' ever since.
After the famous Biden Incident, Murray quit his position as an intern, and traveled to Jindal Land, where SUPREME EPIC LEADER BOBBY 'PIYUSH' JINDAL (WHO IS 100000% AMERICAN AND NOT INDIAN AT ALL) recruited him as his chief of staff. Working as Jindal's Chief of Staff, Murray had to orchestrate plots such as the assassination of EUGENE V DEBS, who was president of the United States at the time, and the acquisition of EPIC!!!!! SEAN JOHNSTON ATOLL, which he purchased for infinity dollars because it is so important. His tenure as chief of staff was derailed by the "X=12" incident, in which he publicly denounced the scientifically established law that X will always equal 12, instead proclaiming that it equaled 0, in order to match the presumed IQ of his sworn enemy, Eugene V. Debs. Jindal promptly fired Murray, and hired Ricky Scott to replace him, on the advice of his lieutenant governor and best accordion layer in the world, EPIC CASPIAN!!!!!
Deciding a career in American politics was not for him, he decided to move back to Liberaland. Emperor Alan Clark had stepped down the previous year, in order to become Pope. Jeb! Bush the Magnificent, the emperor at the time, decided to allow Murray in, under the condition that he could not attempt to overthrow the government, or invade any neighboring provinces.
Once in Liberaland again, Murray decided to start his own company, Liberaland Enterprises. He began to extract oil and uranium from the highlands of Gurbangulyland, where he would purify it and bring it back to Liberaland, where he would use it to power the entire country. Liberaland enterprises quickly became the largest company on the planet, and Murray was able to pay Jeb! Bush the Magnificent to replace him as supreme communist emperor of Liberaland.
Once he became emperor, he began to recieve criticism for his EPIC!!! success in making liberaland great again. The criticisms of EVIL JOHN OLIVER quickly consumed his life and became the primary cause of stress he had ever faced. Being such a benevolent emperor, Murray decided to sue instead of imprisoning John, and continued to lead valiantly even though his lawsuits failed. He continues as emperor to this day.
Incidents with the EVIL John Oliver[edit]
The criticisms of Emperor Egg Murray by the EVIL John Oliver began with comments made by John Oliver about Murray's idiocy, and ardent support that Murray eat feces. In retaliation, Murray sued Oliver, only wanting for him to retract his comments. Oliver became angered at this, and instead of retracting his comments like a man, he proceeded to make a three-minute song in which he accused the defenseless murray of the following:
| Being the "World's worst Sport" |
| Threatening 'legal armageddon' |
| Going to The Louvre and spitting in the face of Mona Lisa |
| Filling a rocket with puppies and firing it into space |
| Bludgeoning Nancy Kerrigan and watching her cry for fun |
| Murdering Archduke Franz Ferdinand, prompting the start of World War I |
| Breaking and entering into a stranger's house and committing lewd acts with their cereal |
| Watching 'Steel Magnolias', and rooting for diabetes, which a person in the film dies of |
| Writing the 'Macarena' |
| Dotting his 'i's' with hearts |
| Blaming Malala Yousafzai for his flatulence |
| Dipping his testicles into hot dog water |
| Disliking Tom Hanks |
| Cutting off the ear of Vincent Van Gogh |
| Persuading Adolf Hitler to quit his painting career and found the Nazi Party |
| Committing lewd acts while watching "Schindler's List" |
| Becoming sexually aroused by 'Old Yeller' |
| Being Bill Cosby's drug supplier |
| Being Jeffrey Epstein's prison guard |
| Publicly entering an M&M store naked, proceeding to insert M&M's into his rectum, and then telling tourists to 'look inside' and 'grab some treats' |
| Being the Zodiac Killer |
| Being a 'furry' |
| Committing sexual acts with Squirrels |
After these EVIL SLANDEROUS ACCUSATIONS were made by the EVIL OLIVER, Murray is likely currently going over his legal options, in order to retaliate against Oliver's defamation.
Personal Life[edit]
Murray is currently married to his wife of 23 years, JOE MAMA, (m. 1997). His previous wife of 69 years, SUE MADRE, divorced him after the stunning revelations revealed in the "X=12" incident. He shared 2 children with his first wife, Woodrow Wilson and Benito Mussolini. Both of his children have passed away.
His first child, Woodrow Wilson, passed away after being assassinated by a secret admirer, (Krishna Tewatia), who became jealous after Wilson married Ho Chi Minh, whom he met in 1920.
His second child, Benito Mussolini, passed away after being defenestrated out of the 5th story of the headquarters of the Italian Fascist Party, which he helped found. The members who defenestrated him became angered at the fact that he shaved his head, after he banned baldness in Italy.
He is currently a member of the Socialist Party, which he joined after the death of Eugene V. Debs.
- ^ SLAPP Suits: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO), retrieved 2019-11-18