Talk:Phi Sigma Alpha/GA2

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Racepacket (talk) 06:47, 7 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

I will be reviewing your article. It clearly represents a lot of work, but it is not clear that you have addressed all concerns from the prior review.

Please fix these disamb. links: University of Louisiana and WKAQ. I am assuming good faith because the most important source is behind a password wall. I trust that you did not merely translate those materials, but rewrote them completely on your own.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Many concerns from Talk:Phi Sigma Alpha/GA1 still remain particularly the passive voice.

In the lead, the sentence "By 1998 there were over 4,376 Sigmas.[4]" is confusing because the word "Sigmas" is undefined, and a comma is missing after 1998. If members are called Sigmas state that after the first sentence of the article. DONE

You start discussing Phi Lambda Alpha fraternity without any introduction that explains that it is a predecessor of Phi Sigma Alpha.DONE

There is no antecedent for "Under these conditions a movement came about to unite" Please explain what conditions.DONE - the conditions are the ones expresed before the sentence.

"In 1932 Phi Iota Alpha reorganized and established a superior governing body called the Union Latino Americana,"->"In 1932, Phi Iota Alpha reorganized and formed the Union Latino Americana as its overall governing body, "DONE

Delete: " The new members were so enthusiastic that they felt the need to establish a Chapter House."DONE

I suggest deleting, "Sigma Delta Alpha enjoyed for many years certain supremacy over the other student organizations at the University. Their membership included four of the most important student leadership positions at the university: the Yearbook editor, the senior class president, the Athletic Society President, and the ROTC Battalion Commander. Every activity sponsored by the administration was consulted with the chapter president of Río Piedras.[8]"

Consider "Sigma Delta Alpha of the University of Puerto Rico in 1934." ->" Sigma Delta Alpha chapter at the University of Puerto Rico in 1934." There seems to be a word or idea missing here. - this one is well wrtiting since the university of puerto rico has many campuses and the fraternity at the time had 2 chapters one in Univerity of PR at mayaguez and the other at Rio Piedras thus the fraternity was located only at the universty of Puerto Rico.
Did an alumni chapter of Phi Iota Alpha merge with the undergraduate chapter of Sigma Delta Alpha for the Rio Piedras campus of the University of PR? Please change the text to spell out what you are trying to say.

"functional zones including[15]:" - the colon should come before reference [15].DONE

what does the phrase "militant chapter" mean? Does it mean alumni chapter? You finally explain this in the Chapters section. I would just change all references from "militant" to "alumni". - since the chapters are not called Alumni and are alway refered to as militant I would leave it as is.

"Like the members of the Sigma, a majority of the members of the Chapter of Phi Iota Alpha of the University of Louisiana disillusioned with character given to their brotherhood decided to separate, founding in April 1939 Sigma Iota Alpha [8] fraternity composed of Latin students of this university. As it was to be expected this new grouping was received with distrust by the other Latin fraternal organizations at the university. Being that Phi Sigma Alpha was organized in Puerto Rico with ideals similar to those of the Sigma Iota Alpha in Louisiana, and being both organizations the product of almost identical preceding brotherhoods, negotiations arose immediately to fuse both brotherhoods into a single one." ->"The Phi Iota Alpha chapter at the University of Louisiana had similar concerns with the political direction of its national organization and started merger discussion with the Puerto Rican zone." - The thing is that it was not a Phi Iota Chapter that joined it was an ex chapter that had formed its own fraternity that joined.

Need to be consistent: Is SIGMA all caps or is it Sigma with just an initial capital letter? Does it stand for separate words as an acronym?DONE

Fraternity should not be capitalized. - if should if it fallows Phi Sigma Alfa, since its name is Phi Sigma Alpha Fraternity, just as New York the city is called New York City

"The Sigma Brotherhood that since 1959 had prohibited in its processes the use of the "Pledge Padle" is proud to have been the first again in prohibiting acts against the physical and mental dignity of the neophyte, even before the Article 125 was enacted." - Many undefined terms are used in this sentence: "Sigma Brotherhood" - is this different than Phi Sigma Alpha? What do you mean by "neophyte"? First among Puerto Rican fraternities? Is this sentence sufficiently important to be included in the article?
sigma brotherhood is the same as phi sigma alpha, neophyte is the proper name for a person that is in the proces of pledging. It is indeed important, many legal cases and even a law in Puerto Rico forbid this conduct and the fraternity stoped this internaly more than 30 before the law was inacted.
I understand. Please do not assume that the reader is familiar with your fraternity's vocabulary. I would take out these two sentences. Hazing is against the law, and the reader will assume that PSA compilies with the law even without these sentences. Racepacket (talk) 23:15, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Please be more consistent in your terminology. You can get some variety by calling the organization both "the fraternity" and Phi Sigma Alpha, but throwing in a lot of other terms such as "The Sigma" is needlessly confusing the reader as to whether you mean the same organization or a different one.

Please add a period between "raising activities for different organizations" and "The Sigma"DONE

"The Sigma Scholarship Program or ("Beca Sigma" in Spanish) program has been re-established and promises to offer young Puerto Ricans of scarce resources the opportunity to receive University studies.[1]" - This requires some explanation. When did it first start? Why and when did it stop? When did it restart and how does it work?

Change the section heading from "Administrative Body" to "Organization"DONE

Are the "Junta de Directores" and "Comité Ejecutivo Central" alumni or undergraduates? Please distinguish what group and officers are alumni and what positions are for undergraduate active members.DONE

delete " and have been used by many organizations such as Banco Popular de Puerto Rico, Eta Gamma Delta, the Rio Piedras Rotary Club, and others." - digressionDONE

In the chapter table, please add the name of the undergraduate hosting college or university.

What ramifications are there to "Fraternidad Sigma or (Sigma Fraternity) with its ramifications"?

The history is hard to follow. I suggest you start by explaining that Phi Sigma Alpha started as four separate organizations and then list all four. Then have a paragraph explaining the history of each. Don't assume that the reader is familiar with any of these organization.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): } b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Footnote 8 does not display for me, may be password protected.DONE Please add a notation that it is password protected if that is the case. Footnote 33 is a dead link.- not a dead link, it opens a word document, try it again
You are correct. The Word document is a congratulatory resolution that lists Galib as a fraternity member.

Need a footnote for each alumni listed. Sources should prove that the alumnus is a member. If the alumnus does not have a separate Wikipedia article, sources should also demonstrate notability. Otherwise, please delete from table.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
A lot of unnessary digressions should be removed from the article.

You explain how the chapter at the University of Louisiana merged into Phi Sigma Alpha, but it is not listed as a chapter. When did it disband? Do you have any undergraduate chapters in the mainland United States? If not, perhaps you should discuss when and why they left.

If you wish, you can add more explanation regarding what the organization does. It seems that alumni chapters are organized around cities rather than around campuses. Is this more of an inter-college networking group than a way for alumni of a particular university to stay in touch?
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Delete, "Since the Phi Sigma Alpha Zone was organized on the strong base, of sincere friendship, insurmountable comradeship and mainly, love to the Sigma, the effect of such separation was not felt. The old members of the Phi Iota Alpha and those of the Sigma Delta Alpha had already left their "old clothes" and were all and each one of them a Phi Sigma Alpha, better known as Sigma, proud of their Brotherhood, and the Zone continued function as if nothing had happened.[8]"DONE
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
no edit wars.
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
The images look very professional and detailed. I was wondering how you came to create them. Were they ever published in another place before you uploaded them to Wikipedia? Perhaps you signed away your copyright in the course of publishing them or they were a derivative work.

File:Uhacrest.gif - I am not sure that your fair use rationale will work for two different articles about organizations that are different from UHA. That is like claiming fair use of the GM logo in an article about the Ford Motor Company.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Placing article on hold for one week.

11 January reading[edit]

A number of items listed above are still not addressed.
Consider wikifying by adding links to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, University of California, Berkeley,
Define the ULA abbrevation after the first time it appears spelled out.
Spellout and define C.A.A.M.
Are there active members on the Comité Ejecutivo Central, or is it all alumni? It would be helpful to explain this in the article.
If Comité Ejecutivo Central is the name of the first group, what is the name of the second group that consists of "the regional presidents, and by the presidents and secretaries of all the fraternity chapters alumni and active"?
Change " the opportunity to cover part of their university studies expense and others costs. " -> " financial assistance for a part of their educational expenses."
Do the active chapters have living facilities or "chapter houses" or is this strictly a non-residential fraternity?

I hope we can complete this review quickly and I look forward to your responses. Thanks, Racepacket (talk) 23:09, 11 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

This review is terminated at the request of the nominator to allow him to make further improvements at his own pace. Thank you for working with me. Racepacket (talk) 19:18, 15 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]