Talk:Men Against Fire/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:24, 4 August 2019 (UTC)
This is in very good nick, some comments:
- Michael Kelly is linked to different targets, just use Michael Kelly (actor) .
- "Original Score by" why is Score capitalised?
- Because of my oversight in not checking the infobox properly. Per the infobox documentation, the parameter is for the "most notable" songs of the episode (if any – in this case not), not the composer, so I've removed the parameter entirely.
- " he and Hunter open fire" they kill the roaches, but also doesn't Stripe grimly stab one death, which is shown to him later? (Stripe killing two on his first outing seems to be of note to his colleagues...)
- " but his MASS glitches during it. It continues to glitch " repetitive. Maybe "during which his MASS glitches. After further malfunctions, Stripe has his MASS tested ..." or similar?
- Third para of plot uses Stripe and Medina lots times. Any chance of some variety (he/his/she/her etc) when the subject isn't ambiguous?
- "soldier's senses" shouldn't this be "soldiers' senses"?
- Should all instances of "roach" or "roaches" be in quotes?
- It's a tricky one. I think it makes sense from a narrative standpoint to describe events chronologically using only language that matches how the viewer is intended to interpret that scene in that moment. They see the creatures as roaches at that point when they watch the episode; then, post-plot twist, the word "roach" isn't used outside of quotation marks again. Were it to be in quotes before, it would sort of give the plot twist away. Ideally, I would like to reword everything to avoid using the word entirely (outside of once in the first sentence in quotes), but this isn't possible because the ethnic group aren't given a name and aren't described as anything other than "roaches". Other than "the hunted", "the genocide victims" or "the marginalised group", none of which come close to fitting, I can't think of any other options. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- " the "roach" creatures. " just "the "roaches"." would be fine.
- "We then see the ..." this seems unusual in a plot, to say "we" do something. Wouldn't it be more like "The house is then shown as a ..."?
- "The trailer for series three of Black Mirror." frag, no full stop.
- "Dave Grossman's book, On Killing, which is about the psychology of killing and based on Brigadier General S.L.A. Marshall's work.[10][11]" this sentence doesn't appear to be complete?
- Indeed it wasn't. It also didn't make sense to have that sentence before introducing S.L.A. Marshall's book. Reworked that section and that sentence now reads
For research, Brooker also read Dave Grossman's book On Killing, which is about the psychology of killing and based on Brigadier General S.L.A. Marshall's work.
— Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- Indeed it wasn't. It also didn't make sense to have that sentence before introducing S.L.A. Marshall's book. Reworked that section and that sentence now reads
- "Arquette's dialogues in the episode.[13] Arquette's character" no need for the quick repeat of Arquette.
- "Jakob Verbruggen directed the episode" you already mentioned him by unlinked surname in the previous para...
- No need to link London.
- " of time and money" replace money with budget.
- "eugenics" is piped to a redirect back to itself.
- "Captain America: Winter Soldier" our article calls it "Captain America: The Winter Soldier".
Back momentarily. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 12:29, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- "military[22] and dystopic science fiction.[19]" never a big fan of wedging in the references in such a manner, I'm certain our readers could handle waiting for four words before being able to verify the claim.
- "of the 23 instalments in the Black Mirror series" perhaps I didn't notice this in the previous review, some of these sources came out before season 5 and Bandersnatch, didn't they? I think the publication dates and archived versions probably need updating at the least?
- Check all refs are fully and correctly populated, e.g. ref 2, publication date/access date? Ref 3, accessdate? Ref 4, The Guardian is a work, not a publisher etc.
That's all I have for now, so I'll put it on hold for a bit while we negotiate our way through them. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 12:57, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
(Incidentally, the two sections in the talk page above are quite interesting, anything useful from those comments you could incorporate? The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 13:01, 5 August 2019 (UTC))
- Brooker doesn't say where the episode is set and the sources don't really analyse it either. Denmark was added as original research by a user who wrote the plot summary (the subtitles say the villagers speak Danish, but that's certainly not conclusive proof the episode is set in Denmark). As for what MASS stands for... completely at a loss. I'd guess its explanation was cut from the script or the final edit, but I couldn't even guess at what it means. Addressed all your other comments and thanks for the review! Really good to get one looked at this speedily. — Bilorv (talk) 20:55, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- A pleasure. If you'll allow me, I'll take some time to re-visit the episode tomorrow and make one last pass over the article and these comments before signing it off. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 21:01, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- Yeah of course, no problem. — Bilorv (talk) 21:34, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- I'm more than happy with the article, it easily surpasses the basics required for GA, so I'm passing it. As before, if you do any more Black Mirror work, don't hesitate to give me a shout if you think I can offer anything. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 11:28, 6 August 2019 (UTC)
- Yeah of course, no problem. — Bilorv (talk) 21:34, 5 August 2019 (UTC)
- A pleasure. If you'll allow me, I'll take some time to re-visit the episode tomorrow and make one last pass over the article and these comments before signing it off. Cheers. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 21:01, 5 August 2019 (UTC)