Talk:Lex Luthor (Smallville)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Hello, I'll be doing the GA review for this article per WP:WIAGA. I am not familiar with anything Superman-related, but I'll leave notes here (even if they sound stupid) so that this article can be improved to make sense to Superman-ignorant folks. Most notes are quickies, and I intended them to be peer-review-y. I trust your common sense to ignore those notes that you believe won't help the article.
- Lead:
- "this is only the third time the character has been adapted to a live action television series" - is this really important? Most characters are "only" adapted once to live action television series.
- My thinking was, it's a comic book character who is over 70 years old, who is apart of multiple mediums...so, it's kind of important. I mean, if there were a dozen, or even half dozen live-action TV performances then I wouldn't even think twice about removing it.
- "Lex Luthor is sent to Smallville" - who sends him? Aliens? His parents? (again in section "Smallville")
- Identified the person that sent him
- "tension filled" -> missing hyphen
- Fixed both instances
- "Lex is a curious person, whose curiosity" - variety helps
- Reworded. Changed first instance to "inquisitive" and reworded the second half
- Michaem Rosenbaum - typo
- Typo fix
- Add here that in the Superman mythology, this character will end up as Superman's greatest enemy. The article just mentions this as a throw-away in comment in the last third of the article, but this seems essential for understanding the character (I guess).
- Identified that he will one day become Clark's greatest enemy. I didn't say "Superman" because then we'd have to get into the whole "Clark eventually becoming Superman" stuff.
- "this is only the third time the character has been adapted to a live action television series" - is this really important? Most characters are "only" adapted once to live action television series.
- Smallville:
- Add that he was introduced in the pilot episode (if that's true)
- Placed in the first sentence of the Smallville section.'
"all of which ends in disaster"- Don't know what you want, I guess just a rewording? I changed it to "with all of the relationships ending badly."
- Never mind, this was a note to myself that I forgot to remove before clicking Save
- Don't know what you want, I guess just a rewording? I changed it to "with all of the relationships ending badly."
- "He started a relationship" etc. - why the sudden switch to simple past? WP:WAF says "It is simplest and conventional to recount the entire description as continuous 'present'."
- You're right. Fixed
- buyout - my dictionary says this is a noun and not a verb -> "buy out"?
- broken up
- "The Inquisitor" - is that a newspaper or a TV magazine...
- It's a tabloid newspaper. I went ahead and clarified that
- "who is learns" - something wrong here
- Fixed. Must have been two separate thoughts.
- "seasons—beginning" and "cave walls – although" - decide whether you want to use mdashes or ndashes
- Should have been an emdash on the second one. Fixed the other instances of this as well.
- the second and third paragraph of this section are really hard to follow - either you're cramming too much plot in there, or the plot is just complex (probably the latter, in which case nothing can be done)
- If you give me some examples of where it becomes difficult to follow, maybe I can figure out if it's just information overload or a really a complex description that could use some tweaking.
- I guess it's information overload - too many places (Kawatche Caves, Luthor Mansion, Fortress of Solitude) and companies/organizations (LuthorCorp, LexCorp, Veritas) whose in-universe significance is not obvious for the unknowing (but since this article will mostly be read by people who have at least a basic understanding of Smallville, the general reader won't have a problem with this)
- If you give me some examples of where it becomes difficult to follow, maybe I can figure out if it's just information overload or a really a complex description that could use some tweaking.
- It may be easier for the reader if the article says when in the story something happens. I know you use refs, but it would help if you added at least the season number when the plot jumps to the new season. (This makes it also easier to skim the article for relevant info)
- I've gone through and added season identifiers
- Add that he was introduced in the pilot episode (if that's true)
- Michael Rosenbaum:
- "When crafting Smallville's version of Lex Luthor, Gough and Millar decided that he would not be a precursor to the more comedic role performed by Gene Hackman" - lacks context. So I guess Hackman played Luthor sometime (where and when?) - was that the most notable portrayal of the character? Repeat from the lead when the character was created (I had already forgotten). All of this can be done in two sentences.
- I've identified the film series, but saying Hackman was the most notable or prominent is stretching into OR territory. It's a subjective call. There may be a source out there that identifies him as such, so I'll look for it and if I can find something I'll add that in as well.
- "Michael Rosenbaum is not the only actor to portray..." - maybe start a new paragraph here
- First, that sentence was out of place, because it talks about Martin Cummins right after and he didn't play Lex. I have swapped the places and bumped it all down into a new paragraph
- "Rosenbaum relishes the opportunities..." - since he is no longer on the show, this should be simple past.
- Corrected
- "After seven seasons of portraying..." - I'd move this sentence before the paragraph "From 2002 to 2006..."
- Makes sense. Done.
- "When crafting Smallville's version of Lex Luthor, Gough and Millar decided that he would not be a precursor to the more comedic role performed by Gene Hackman" - lacks context. So I guess Hackman played Luthor sometime (where and when?) - was that the most notable portrayal of the character? Repeat from the lead when the character was created (I had already forgotten). All of this can be done in two sentences.
- Storyline progression:
- Since the actor is no longer on the show, consider to use simple past instead of simple present through this section. Even if he was still on the show - that's what the actor said at a point in his career and may no longer be his feelings.
- Altered the tense in the section
- "tension filled" - hyphen
- Does "executive producer" really need to be linked?
- Does the average reader actually know what an executive producer is? It's not necessarily a common term, not unless you know the industry.
- "Taken a page out of Chazz Palminteri's A Bronx Tale" - shouldn't it be "Taking"?
- Yes it should, and so it does now.
- "Rosenbaum went off script during his final scene" - what does this mean? Shouldn't it be "off-script" (I still wouldn't know what this means)?
- How is this - "Taking a page out of Chazz Palminteri's A Bronx Tale, Rosenbaum ignored the script during his final scene with Kristin Kreuk for the season six finale. Here, as Lana is informing Lex that she is going to leave, Lex walks around her and closes the door to her exit."
- Maybe "Rosenbaum ignored the script directions during...". But it makes sense now.
- How is this - "Taking a page out of Chazz Palminteri's A Bronx Tale, Rosenbaum ignored the script during his final scene with Kristin Kreuk for the season six finale. Here, as Lana is informing Lex that she is going to leave, Lex walks around her and closes the door to her exit."
- General note about episode names: Not everyone knows episode titles by heart, so the season number should be added. Example: was in season two's "Justice" instead of was in "Justice" (the article sometimes already does this, but not always
- I see the "Justice" instance, but I couldn't find any others.
- In Season five’s "Lockdown" -> In season five’s "Lockdown"
- Gotcha covered.
- "you get to see a moment" - "the audience gets to see a moment"
- Check
- "[Lex also develops a hunger for power,] which begins expanding in season five" - the power, or the hunger for power?
- It was the hunger that expanded. How's this: "Lex also develops a craving for power, with that hunger expanding in season five."
- "Visually, the character of Lex Luthor..." is a little jarring there at the end, almost like an afterthought. If you have another place to merge it to, do it.
- Unfortunately, there isn't any other place. I was hoping to find more information on his physical appearance on the show, but it's proving to be most difficult
- Since the actor is no longer on the show, consider to use simple past instead of simple present through this section. Even if he was still on the show - that's what the actor said at a point in his career and may no longer be his feelings.
Otherwise, this article was a nice read and had no obvious other issues (MOS, image FUR, stability, neutrality, etc). I put this article on hold and hope to promote this to GA soon. (This page is on my watchlist, so please drop a note here when you think you're done.) – sgeureka t•c 19:47, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
- I believe that I have answered you comments. See this edit. BIGNOLE (Contact me) 21:04, 15 November 2008 (UTC)