Talk:Inna/GA3

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 20:12, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • I will grab this for a review. I will do it section by section rather than all at once. Feel free to comment while I put my review up or you can wait until it is fully completed. Aoba47 (talk) 20:12, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Lead and infobox
  • Please provide an ALT text to the infobox image. Add ALT texts to all of the images in the body of the article as well. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The phrase “the resort of” is not necessary and can be removed. Same applies to its use in the body of the article. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The word “hit” is too informal and should revised/replaced with a stronger word. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The following phrase is worded/structured awkwardly and should be revised: (Among other achievements, it won the Eurodanceweb Award the first time for Romania.). Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The last sentence of the lead’s second paragraph is not necessary and can be removed. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Removed
  • I would rephrase the first two sentences of the lead’s third paragraph to the following: “With global album sales of four million, as of March 2016, Inna is one of the best-selling Romanian artists.” It combines the first two sentences into a much more streamlined manner. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Changed a little bit, though.
  • I would revise the phrase “being involved in” to a stronger word choice/phrasing as “being” is discouraged on here as it is weak language. Aoba47 (talk) 20:41, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
General notes on “Life and career”
  • Do all of the albums really need their own subsections, especially since a majority of them are two short paragraphs. Please consider combining subsections to avoid making this section too choppy. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I've used the style from Britney Spears more or less
  • I would work on the transitions between ideas in this section. It appears you are simply listing the performances of her singles without forming a cohesive narrative of her career and that needs to be fixed, as the prose in this article is weak. These two are my biggest complaints when reading through this article. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Tried to amend this
  • Include more information about the artist’s career outside of chart performance. This includes incorporating more information on her tours and other career activities. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I included some more information about her live performances and stuff like that...
Early life and career beginnings
  • I do not believe the image of Mangalia adds anything to this section and it could be safely deleted. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • I would suggest revising the wording of the first sentence to follow more in line with that in the Lady Gaga article. The phrasing “The singer was born as…” sounds odd to me given this context. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • Remove “in the resort of” as noted in my above comments. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • What does “occasional singers” mean? Where they professional singers or was it more like a hobby? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
They only performed publicly when they had the opportunity to, but not professional.
  • The following phrase needs to be revised as it reads awkwardly: “and her family instilled her passion to music.” Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Tried to amend
 Done
  • The phrase “eventually presented” needs to be revised. The phrasing of “presenting” a person seems really odd to me and should be changed with a better word choice altogether. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • Do you have any further information behind her first stage name “Alessandra”, such as why she chose that one in particular? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
No, I'm sorry.
No worries, just was wondering. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Should “Goodbye” still be linked? It is currently a redirect to this article, and if you do not believe it could be expanded to a full article, then I do not see the value in including the link here. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Removed link
  • In the phrase “that year for her first time”, are you referencing the first time she performed the song live on primetime television, or the first she ever performed on primetime television at all? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Made it clear now
Hot Era
  • I do not understand the final sentence of the last paragraph. You are currently tying together two distinct ideas that do not really have a connection with another. I do not see how the fact she did not receive any awards is connected with her contract to Ultra Records. I would revise this part, and if possible expand on her being signed to Ultra Records. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed
  • The link to Bob Taylor needs to be reformatted. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The information about the “Déjà Vu” single and its controversy needs to be completely revised as it is difficult to follow/understand. I am assuming that Inna and Bob Taylor released the song under fake names, but it is not made directly clear right away. Also the quote “stay in shade” is very odd. What does this mean exactly? Who said this quote? This section needs a lot more clarity as I had to read it multiple times to understand the meaning. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed
  • I am confused with the timeline of Inna being signed to Ultra and the release of her debut album. In the lead, you say she was signed after the album’s release, but here you say that she was signed before the album’s release. Please be consistent. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed in the lead
  • The final sentence of the second paragraph needs to be revised. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
I Am The Club Rocker Era
  • I would revise the sentence about will.i.am to make it stronger and more impactful. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • You mention in the first paragraph that her label is Roton. Could you provide some context on when she switched labels from Ultra to Roton as this appears to come out of nowhere? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Already fixed before; she did not switch any labels.
  • The phrase “a moderate hit” should be removed/revised as it is too informal. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • Please revise the sentence about the “upcoming French movie”. It is no longer an “upcoming” movie I would assume so that needs to be changed. Also, please identify the film if it is known. I would also rephrase it to: “In December 2011, Inna was offered a role in X, which she rejected as it involved nudity” with X being the movie’s name. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed; the title is not known...
Party Never Ends era
  • The first sentence of the first paragraph needs to be heavily revised as I have no idea about what you are saying there. What do you “changed their rules”? It is also a rather long, run-on sentence covering a lot of content, and it would be beneficial to take your time and explain everything clearly. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed now, I think...
Inna era
  • I do not find the image necessary in this section. It is a low-quality image that awkwardly cuts between several subsections/sections in certain views and does not add anything new for the reader that is not already shown in the other images. I would recommend removing this one. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • The prose in this section is rather weak and could use more expansion. Rather now, it appears more as a listing of the album and singles’ commercial performance. It does not seem to be as comprehensive as it should be for a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done I tried to amend this, but she did not do anything notable in that period. Tried to expand a bit, though
Upcoming album
  • As I state in the “General comments”, I do not see the need for this to be an independent subsection and it could be combined with the previous subsection. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • Please provide more information about G Girls as it is a rather brief comment and does not provide enough of a context for an unfamiliar reader. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
Philanthropy and recognition
  • In the final sentence of the first paragraph, it is unclear what "the action" is referencing. Are you reference the amendment to the Constitution or the open letter? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Clear now
  • Please provide more a context for the first sentence of the second paragraph. Who is saying this and according to what standards are they measuring success? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • In the final sentence of the same section, who is announcing this? Are they saying she is the best-selling Romanian artist of all time or just a specific year? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Fixed now
  • Please expand this section to include a more comprehensive overview of all of the singer’s awards and honors. See the lead for the list that you made about it for an example. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
Artistry and musical style
  • The phrase “she approached a pop-rock style” needs to be revised. “Approached” is not the right verb for this. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
  • I do not see the necessity for this section. The information about the critical response to her second album would be better suited in the section about the album. The information about her transition from pop-rock to house music would also be better suited for the “Career beginnings” section. I am not sure of the value of listing who Inna herself identifies as inspirations, specifically “her biggest icons that she might never get a chance to meet” as that does not appear to add much to the article. Maybe you can figure out a way to incorporate it into her “Life and career” section somewhere instead. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Not done I would really want to keep it, as it contains some information that can't be rendered into other sections. Also, the most of the Wikipedia article about an artist do have such a section.
I am still not 100% convinced that this section is necessary. I have provide more detailed, line-by-line comments on this section below. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Missing sections
  • You should have a section for her concerts if she appeared on multiple tours. See Lady Gaga for an example. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Not done The only notable tour she's had was the I Am the Club Rocker Tour. There was a list of concerts and tours before I started to revamp this article, but I removed it as I couldn't find any source for it.
Makes sense; I just wanted to confirm this. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you have an external links to include for this article, such as to her official website? Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
References
  • Reference 73 is dead and either needs to be replaced or found through a website archive. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
 Done
Final comments
  • I have concerns with the prose and the structure of the article as a whole, as I feel that it hinders it from being a GA. Once my comments are addressed, I will look through this again. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Additional comment
  • This should still get a more thorough c/e from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors. Aoba47 (talk) 22:16, 19 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: I've responded to all your comments, but as you say above, the article really needs some c/e. I will list is today... Thank you, Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:48, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
You cannot expect a single review to catch everything in an article. A c/e from a third party is always helpful for any article. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: I think you misunderstood me; I mean that I will list the article at the WP:GOCE. Cartoon network freak (talk) 13:48, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I knew what you meant originally. Aoba47 (talk) 13:49, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Comments about "Artistry and musical style" section
  • Below is my line-by-line analysis. I do not believe this section is necessary. Just because other articles about musicians has this section, it does not mean that it is necessary for this. Also, a majority of the GAs or FAs on musicians that have this kind of section have a lot more critical commentary and analysis that warrants a separate section. My comments start below:
  • First sentence (Inna has been compared to Shakira, Rihanna, Britney Spears and Lady Gaga.): First, identify who is making these comparisons. Second, a YouTube reference for this kind of information is extremely weak, and I would suggest finding a stronger source to support these comparisons. Also, how has Inna been compared to these singers? This is a very broad statement that needs to be revised if you really feel that it is important to the article. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Second sentence (During her career beginnings, she released pop-rock songs, which was later changed to "commercial" minimal-infused house music.): I still believe that this sentence would be more appropriate for near the end of the second paragraph of the "Early life and career beginnings" subsection to fully explain the change in her musical style there rather than waiting until this section to do so. I am just trying to think of the unfamiliar reader in this case, and it is odd that you would not explain how her music changed in the same part you explain how her stage name changed. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Third sentence (Inna's second album I Am the Club Rocker contained europop, dance-pop, techno and house material.): This sentence would be more useful in the "Hot and I Am the Club Rocker" subsection as it would be helpful in explaining more about the album outside of its commercial performance. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Fourth sentence (AllMusic calssifies her music in the electronic genre.): Aside from "classifies" being misspelled, I do not believe AllMusic is a good source for genre. I have definitely seen some interesting ways that the website identifies an artist according to a genre that was not entirely accurate. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Fifth sentence (During an interview for News of the World, Inna cited Swedish House Mafia, The Black Eyed Peas, and singer Jessie J as her later inspirations.) This is probably the best sentence in this section and makes sense in this kind of section. I do not have any complaints or additional comments with this sentence in particular However, given my suggestions to either remove or relocate a majority of this information, this would be the only sentence left in this section, and a section cannot only have one sentence. I could see this information being moved quite easily to a previous section when fully explaining her change in musical style. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sixth sentence part 1 (She also said that her biggest icons that she might never get a chance to meet are P!nk and Shakira,): How does this information illustrate the article more for the reader? Why does information about the artists that Inna admires and "might never get a chance to meet" matter? This seems to be rather trivial information. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sixth sentence part 2 (and that she is a fan of The Black Eyed Peas, Maroon 5, Laura Stoica, will.i.am, Horia Brenciu and Dan Bittman.): Again, I am not sure about the relevance or importance of who Inna is a fan of. Why does the reader need to know this information? It also seems a little trivial, as the artists that she likes does not immediately translate to her own musical style. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Cartoon network freak: This is my in-depth review of this section, which explains the reasons why I believe it is not necessary. I believe that this section is only really appropriate when there is enough commentary and analysis from critics, and there is not enough critical coverage of this artist's musical style and influences to warrant a separate section in my opinion. I look forward to hearing your feedback on this section, as I am open to hearing why you think this section should stay as it currently stands. Feel free to request for a second opinion in this case. I do not mean to be overly critical, but I am not convinced about this section. I have posted a message in the GA talk page to hopefully get more feedback about this. Aoba47 (talk) 13:43, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would feel more comfortable getting a second opinion about this so I have requested it through GAN. Aoba47 (talk) 17:58, 20 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Final final comments

I am actually going to fail this as I do not believe that it is on the level expected for a GA. I still have major issues with the "Artistry and musical style" section and the prose as a whole still requires a lot of work (which hopefully the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors can help to improve at least a little). As I have addressed in my "General comments" section, I still notice that a majority of the article is stringing together album/single performance without a cohesive narrative about the singer's actual career and life. While the prose may be improved through the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors, the issues with the "Artistry and musical style" section and the overall structure and focus of the article will require further work. I would recommend that you look at other GAs on musicians to get a better understanding for this article. But right now, I do not believe that this is ready. ✗ Fail Aoba47 (talk) 04:51, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Thank you for your review! I will work on this (especially on the 'Artistry' section) and I will approach you when someone takes it for review at WP:GOCE. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 06:23, 21 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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