Talk:Emilia Clarke/GA2

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:49, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "screen debut in a short film, her television debut " debut quick-repeated.
  • Removed "screen debut in a short film". -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Primetime Emmy Award " piped to a redirect back to itself.
  • The single sentence in the lead re:Broadway looks a little weak, perhaps just say she also featured in a 2020 production too?
  • Added a mention of the 2020 production to lead. -- LuK3 (Talk) 02:29, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 2018, She was" she
  • "Clarke[1] was born on 23 October 1986[2][3] in London.[4]" move all refs to the end and unlink London.
  • "father was ... mother is..." father dead? And mother is "as of 2020" (if that's valid).
  • Added "as of 2020" for her mother. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three "she" sentences in a row, made worse due to their brevity.
  • Drama Center London is overlinked.
  • Fixed the overlinking, I left the link in the infobox and the lead. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Eight "she" in about as many sentences in the Early career section is quite repetitive. Revisit all paras on this note, there are 69 instances of "she" here...
    I believe I addressed the repetition issue. -- LuK3 (Talk) 19:39, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "UK Star of Tomorrow" wasn't in quotes in the lead, be consistent.
  • "role[10] as" avoid awkward ref placement.
  • "The show ran from April 2011 until May 2019, with Clarke portraying Daenerys throughout all eight seasons of the show.[29]" no need to repeat "show" here.
  • "three times for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series in 2013, 2015, and 2016" these are Emmys but that's not mentioned.
  • "In 2019, she" Easter egg, try something like "At the 2019 Emmys..."?
    Changed. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "She also had a" -> "She also made a"
  • Sam Claflin is overlinked.
  • Removed links after first mentioned. -- LuK3 (Talk)
  • " Clarke stated she got inspiration from" -> " Clarke said she was inspired by "
  • "Bjorn Runge " needs a ö.
  • "The premiere was pushed back to April 2020 ..." this probably needs updating.
  • "joined SMA Trust team" the SMA Trust team? And it's odd to part link a formal title, you could just unlink it and go on to explain that the team works on Spinal muscular atrophy ?
  • Removed the link in addition to added a quick explanation of the SMA Trust with a reference. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "appeared at London's Centrepoint Awards" in what capacity?
  • Added her role along with a new reference. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Royal College of Nursing." put (RCN) after before using the abbreviation.
  • Added abbreviation before the next use. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "over £83,817" odd phrasing, perhaps "over £83,000".
  • Personal life section is a little clunky, lots of short paragraphs.
  • Combined some micro-paragraphs. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Clarke at the 2018 Cannes Film Festival." fragment, remove full stop.
  • "Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series" overlinked.
  • Removed links, it already was linked in the lead. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid SHOUTING (e.g. CANNES) in the ref titles.
  • Must of missed that ref title, fixed. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Be consistent with linking in the refs, e.g. you link Rotten Tomatoes twice but not the third time.
  • Currently going through the references to make them uniform in regards to linking. -- LuK3 (Talk) 16:58, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That should be enough to be getting on with, so I'll put it on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 15:54, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you The Rambling Man, I believe I addressed all of your GA comments. Please let me know if I missed anything. -- LuK3 (Talk) 19:39, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
This went down quickly, thought I could of helped out. :/ Govvy (talk) 12:54, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Govvy, feel free to change or fix anything I may of missed! -- LuK3 (Talk) 13:05, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Citations @LuK3: I actually think we have a few too many citations on the page, I think we could streamline that a bit. There are four citations for her birth at the beginning, I don't think we need that much. Govvy (talk) 13:06, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
    Well as long as every element of the sentence is referenced by one citation, feel free to remove the surplus ones per WP:CITEKILL. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 13:29, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I removed some extra references. -- LuK3 (Talk) 13:49, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I had another read through and adjusted a few bits, there seems to be a lot of "In month year" statements, there is a lack of fluidity to the article, other than that, seems to read okay. Govvy (talk) 14:03, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the comment Govvy, I varied up the sentence structure in the Career section. -- LuK3 (Talk) 14:32, 2 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I made a few edits and now I'm happy to promote. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 07:28, 3 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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