Talk:Ronald Evans (astronaut)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 23:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
I'll take this one on, comments to follow in due course. Zawed (talk) 23:28, 30 January 2022 (UTC)
Start comments:
Early life[edit]
- Just checking, St Francis School and St Francis High School are two separate institutions?
- Yes. Changed to St Francis Elementary School
- order to pay for it he...: suggest "order to pay for his education, he..."
[edit]
- His flight training then progressed...: the phrase "then progressed" is also used in the previous sentence, suggest rephrasing one or the other.
- where they practised landing...: suggest replacing "they" with "students"
- Military application were due by July 15.: to improve clarity, suggest "Applications from military personnel were due by July 15."
- and in December 1965 an aircraft from another squadron was lost with a hydrogen bomb on board.: suggest cutting this, don't see the relevance to Evans here.
Up to NASA section, more to follow. Zawed (talk) 03:09, 5 February 2022 (UTC)
NASA[edit]
- Under the rotation scheme, they would...: since this phrase is used at the start of the previous sentence, I suggest "According to the rotation scheme..." to change up the language.
- ...become the prime crew CSRs of Apollo 16 and Apollo 17 respectively.: not 100% sure, but think CSRs should be CDRs, unless another meaning is meant?
- However, Cernan baulked at reprising his role as lunar module pilot...: this needs some context although I think getting into a discussion regarding Apollo 10's LMP position could go off a bit off tangent for this action. Perhaps state "Cernan, having already flown an Apollo mission,..."?
- The former's experience as backup to Apollo 15: not sure who "the former" is here? I think you mean Cernan but the reference to Apollo 15 is confusing unless you meant Apollo 14?
- On May 23, 1972, they were replaced with John W. Young...: drop the W. from Young's name, he is already identified earlier in the article but without the initial.
- 147 hours, 43 minutes and 37.11 seconds.[68][69][1]: if it is your preference, I note the refs are not in chronological order here.
- Possibly missing words here, my suggestion in italics: scientific instrument module (SIM) bay to retrieve the lunar sounder film,...
Later years/Awards and Honors[edit]
- Looks all good.
Other stuff[edit]
- A few dupe links: University of Kansas, Command Module Pilot, Apollo 10, John Young, Scottsdale, Arizona,
- Image tags all OK.
That's my review complete. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 02:56, 7 February 2022 (UTC)