Talk:Ernest Lawrence/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Jamesx12345 (talk · contribs) 20:01, 20 September 2013 (UTC)
I'm happy to review this over the weekend. Jamesx12345 20:01, 20 September 2013 (UTC)
- "1939 for his invention of the cyclotron atom-smasher" - is "atom smasher" colloquial? I've always thought it is, and if that is the case, it is probably redundant.
- "and two years later became the youngest full professor at the University of California" - "becoming the youngest full professor there two years later."
- "Lawrence was intrigued by a diagram of a device to" - this is very abrupt - could it be started, "Whilst at..., Lawrence was intrigued"
- "high-energy particles and pondered how to make the accelerator more compact. He created a circular accelerating chamber" - "high-energy particles. Contemplating how to make the accelerator more compact..."
- "the cyclotron" - "the first cyclotron"
- Radiation Laboratory should be linked
- It's already linked in the lead as Lawrence Berkeley Laboratory. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:59, 20 September 2013 (UTC)
- A ref in the intro for his support of Teller would be good (obviously pretty contentious.)
- I've always thought that the Teller/Oppenheimer caused massive divisions - that's not quite the same, though.
- "after his first year.[2] Lawrence completed" - "after his first year.[2] He completed"
- "Instead of using it to travel to Europe, remained at Yale University with Swann as a researcher" - missing "he"
- Two sentences with "They showed" could probably be run together.
- "people who were unimpressed" - "who were" can be removed.
- In 1928, Lawrence... - this paragraph needs references for his membership being sponsored and meeting people there.
- "Lawrence named his son Robert after J. Robert Oppenheimer, his closest friend at Berkeley"
- "Lawrence saw that such..." - needs a few more references.
- "to do the work." - needs a ref (even if it is a self-evident truth.)
- "Hiring good people and paying them little or nothing would prove to be a sound business model." - likewise
- "able to accelerate ions to 1 MV." - is that 1 MeV?
- "more than enough for his PhD thesis." - this could be expanded, even just to say "more than enough to obtain the results he needed for his PhD thesis."
- "as soon as there was the first signs of success" - should signs be singular?
- Added space to $800 11-inch
- "Lawrence found an 80-ton magnet" - "The magnet for the $800 11-inch cyclotron weighed 2 tons, and the magnet for the 27-inch one weighed 80 tons." - removes the possibility that he stumbled across 80 tons of magnet.
- This link is from the American Institute of Physics, so definitely satisfies RS.
- "well within the capability of the 11-inch cyclotron." - ref needed
- Something of a contradiction between the paragraph beginning "Through his increasingly..." and the previous one. Perhaps "this did not translate immediately into scientific discovery" would make more sense?
- "but they had overlooked another important discovery." - it would be nice to know what!
- "He the first at Berkeley to become a Nobel Laureate, and the first ever to be so honored while at a state-supported university." - a bit more concise
- "campus of the university with Lawrence receiving" - "campus of the university, with Lawrence receiving" - add a comma
- "After the outbreak of World War II in Europe..." - ref for recruiting and security reasons.
- Added space to "submarines. Meanwhile"
- "Oliphant met with Lawrence at Oppenheimer at Berkeley" - I assume that is "Lawrence and Oppenheimer"?
- "Lawrence had already thought about the problem of uranium enrichment, for only the uranium-235 isotope is fissile." - "Lawrence had already thought about the problem of uranium enrichment, for only the uranium-235 isotope will undergo the fission reaction necessary to create a bomb" - or something like that
- "One way of separating the isotopes was with a mass spectrometer, so Lawrence began converting his old 37-inch cyclotron into a giant mass spectrometer" - "One of the proposed ways of separating the isotopes was with a mass spectrometer, so Lawrence began converting his old 37-inch cyclotron for that purpose."
- "laboratory mass spectrometer and cyclotron" - "and the cyclotron"
- "bolstered by twenty nine British scientists until Oliphant" - confusing meaning.
- "scientifically elegant" - according to whom? I know Feynman hated it.
- Stone & Webster can be linked. (A reference for their building it would also be nice)
- "and had to be fastened more securely." - needs a ref (I can only imagine what would happen to all the computers...)
- "demonstration would be wise" - also needs a ref
- "requirements for big machines and big money" - "costly apparatus and large teams of experimenters" Some references for this paragraph as well would be good.
- "a new linear accelerator and a new billion electron volt synchrotron which became known at the bevatron" - "a new linear accelerator and a billion electron volt synchrotron which later became known at the bevatron"
- "The major obstacle was the contracts due to expire on July 1, 1948" - confusing again
- "The 184-inch was completed" - "The 184-inch cyclotron was completed"
- "pi meson" - "pion" - more common name
- "Lawrence banned Robert Oppenheimer's brother" - is "banned" the most appropriate word here. It's hard to tell if he was forced to leave or not allowed to take up a position.
- "which had commenced operation." - ref
- "For his service to his country" - "For service to his country"
- Is there a link for the proposed treaty?
- I assume he died of colitis? It would be good just to make that absolutely clear.
Extremely readable article, coming from here in just a month. I'm surprised by the chattiness of the prose in some parts, but on reflection, I think it prevents it from being unreadably dry. Jamesx12345 21:52, 20 September 2013 (UTC)
- If you're your own derivative, you must be ex. Just saying. Hawkeye7 (talk) 05:53, 22 September 2013 (UTC)
- I've always thought that "jams" must be 1, even without a satisfactory numerological explanation, and some brackets. I'll probably remove that tragic experiment in html anyway, and promote the article now. Good work again. Jamesx12345 11:28, 22 September 2013 (UTC)