Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Bath School disaster/archive1

TFA blurb review[edit]

The Bath School disaster was a series of violent attacks perpetrated by Andrew Kehoe on May 18, 1927, in Bath Township in the U.S. state of Michigan. The attacks killed 38 elementary schoolchildren and 6 adults, and injured at least 58 other people. Kehoe, a 55-year-old school board treasurer, purchased explosives beginning in mid-1926 and hid them on his farm and under the Bath Consolidated School building, with timing devices attached. After murdering his wife, Kehoe set off almost simultaneous explosions which destroyed the farm's buildings and ripped through the school's north wing. As rescuers began working at the school, Kehoe drove up to the schoolyard and detonated dynamite inside his shrapnel-filled truck, killing himself and several others nearby. During the rescue and recovery efforts, searchers discovered 500 pounds (230 kg) of unexploded dynamite and pyrotol in the south wing of the school that had been set to explode at the same time as the explosions in the north wing. (Full article...)

Just a suggested blurb ... thoughts and edits are welcome. - Dank (push to talk) 22:59, 31 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. I might tweak it a bit but yeah I tried to start a TFA nom earlier and couldn't figure out what to say & the technical aspects of the nom and so gave up for a bit.

Anyway, this is what I had written out:

The Bath School disaster was a series of violent attacks perpetrated by Andrew Kehoe on May 18, 1927, in Bath Township, Michigan. The attacks killed 38 elementary schoolchildren and 6 adults, and injured at least 58 other people. On the morning of May 18 - having previously murdered his wife at their farm - Kehoe set off almost simultaneous explosions at his home and at the Bath Consolidated School. His explosives destroyed the farm's buildings and ripped through the north wing of the Bath Consolidated School building. As rescuers began working at the school, Kehoe drove up to the schoolyard and detonated dynamite inside his shrapnel-filled truck. The truck explosion killed Kehoe and several bystanders. During the rescue and recovery efforts, searchers discovered an additional 500 pounds (230 kg) of unexploded dynamite and pyrotol in the south wing of the school that was set to explode at the same time as the initial explosions in the north wing; Kehoe had apparently intended to destroy the entire school and kill everyone in it. (Full article...)

Do you think this blurb is too long? I'm not sure, I've never nommed a FA for a TFA before... After all, lol, this is my first FA. Shearonink (talk) 01:35, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It's over the limit. Let's start here: is there anything inaccurate in John's blurb above? - Dank (push to talk) 01:41, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Ummm...well, it's a little confusing that Johnboddie wrote the blurb but you posted it on this talk page and are now having the discussion with me. It's fine, just a little confusing.

Anyway, yeah, I thought mine might be too long. A couple of things: I know there's a word limit but is there an easy workaround (Does "Page size" work?) for checking the word count? Nothing's inaccurate in John's version and I'm fine with trimming down/editing what I came up with:

The Bath School disaster was a series of violent attacks perpetrated by Andrew Kehoe on May 18, 1927, in Bath Township, Michigan. The attacks killed 38 elementary schoolchildren and 6 adults, and injured at least 58 other people. On the morning of May 18 - having previously murdered his wife at their farm - Kehoe set off almost simultaneous explosions at his home and at the Bath Consolidated School. His explosives destroyed the farm's buildings and ripped through the north wing of the school. As rescuers began working at the school, Kehoe drove up to the schoolyard and detonated dynamite inside his shrapnel-filled truck, killing himself and several others nearby. During the rescue and recovery efforts, searchers discovered 500 pounds (230 kg) of unexploded dynamite and pyrotol in the south wing of the school that had been set to explode at the same time as the explosions in the north wing. (Full article...)

What do you think? Shearonink (talk) 04:07, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

No objection. - Dank (push to talk) 13:23, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]