Wikipedia:Peer review/Willow Grove Park Mall/archive1

Willow Grove Park Mall[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is currently a GA and I want to see what it needs to succeed at FAC

Thanks, Dough 48 72 04:45, 26 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Not sure if there are any FA mall articles but worth a check at WP:FA to see if there's something you can use as a comparison.
"stores plus several " plus several seems really loose to me, maybe "including a number of" or similar.
- Changed "plus" to "along with". Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
" is anchored by" may be common USEng, but I have no idea what this means.
- Changed. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
" on the site of the former Willow Grove Park" this is more succinct and should probably be how you introduce it in the first para of the lead, moving the road intersection info to the second para...
- For the lead, I tried to describe the current information about the mall in the first paragraph and the historical information in the second paragraph. I feel that is a good way to keep the lead organized. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Explain what SEPTA means to us non-US readers before just using it like we all get it.
- Explained. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, you link anchor store later on. Do it in the lead.
- Linked in lead. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Various shop floor areas are far too precise (down to the nearest 0.1 square metre, really??) so make it (oddly) less accurate.
- Rounded to zero decimal places. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"In addition, a relocated two-story 17,000 square feet (1,600 m2) Forever 21 opened in a small portion of the former Strawbridge's in December 2011.[11][13][14]" does this need three refs?
- Each of the references describe a certain aspect of the sentence. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
J. Crew appears to be just J.Crew (i.e. no space).
- Fixed. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Captions which aren't complete sentences (e.g. The third floor carousel entrance.) should not have a period.
- Removed periods. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The two "incidents" are out of chronological order with the history.
- I felt it was easier to provide the information about the evolution of the vacant anchor spot in one paragraph and provide the information about the incidents in another paragraph as not to make the reader jump around. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Seems to be a large space before the Economic impact section.
- This space is caused by a commeted out deleted image. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
A couple of "As of 2011", "in 2009".. it's 2012 now, any updates?
- Updated to latest available information. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Don't mix date formats in the references.
- Made date format consistent. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Reduce the SHOUTING in the ref titles, just write them in natural English.
- Fixed. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The Rambling Man (talk) 17:48, 8 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, I have replied to the above comments. Dough 48 72 01:42, 10 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]