Wikipedia:Peer review/Walther von Brauchitsch/archive1

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Walther von Brauchitsch[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
After working on this article for almost a year, and getting it to GA-status, I believe it's worth FA-status.

Thanks. Jonas Vinther (speak to me!) 15:54, 8 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Although not mandated by the process, I suggest to expose the article to the WikiProject Military history A-Class review first. The likelihood of find a subject matter expert who can also help you improve the content of the article is much greater than at the more generic FA level. The decision is of course is yours to take. MisterBee1966 (talk) 07:05, 9 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your suggestion, but I believe the article meets the FA-criteria. Jonas Vinther (speak to me!) 16:21, 14 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from AustralianRupert
  • G'day, thanks for your efforts with this article so far. I have a couple of quick suggestions/observations:
  • at six paragraphs, the lead doesn't conform with the guidance in WP:LEAD which asks for no more than four paragraphs - I suggest merging a couple
  • I suggest having the article copy edited from start to finish before taking this to FAC as a quick look found a couple of issues: perhaps you could list it at WP:GOCE and see what the kind souls there can do to help?
  • in the References you use "Biesinger 1967" but in the Sources it is "Biesinger, Joseph A. (2006)" --> are these the same works? If so, please adjust one of the years so they are consistent. If 2006 is the reprint date, you could use the "origyear=1967 |year=2006" parameters in the cite book template if you wish to;
  • in the Personal life section, I suggest moving the sentence starting "They were divorced in 1938..." to appear after the part where you introduce Charlotte Rueffer as this will help the section flow chronologically;
  • the Legacy section seems quite awkwardly worded - particularly the first paragraph, but additionally the two other paragraphs do not seem to flow as part of a narrative. Is there a better place within the article that you could work these descriptions in so that they are discussed a little more seemlessly and have a bit more context to these opinions?
  • anyway, good work and good luck with taking the article further. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:22, 10 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your comments and suggestions, AustralianRupert. I have implemented some of your suggestions but also declined a few, such as the copyedit suggest, as the article has already been looked over by many editors for different purposes. Jonas Vinther (speak to me!) 16:20, 14 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Halibutt
  • Hello there and thanks for your hard work. The article is indeed quite nice and informative.
  • While this is not mandatory, I would suggest restructuring the article a little. I would consider turning some of the sections into sub-sections. That is, create a ==Biography== section and attach current sections 1 through 6 to it as level 2 subsections (===Early life=== and so on). This makes the table of contents cleaner and also simplifies the article a little for people who drop by to look for particular piece of information. I decided to be bold and did it myself, see if it works.
Excellent point, I would impelemented it myself, but I see you already have. :) - JV
  • Before taking the article to FAC I would consider limiting the reliance on William E. Hart. The book is pretty old and it was published during the war, so I'm a little worried about its' status as a reliable source. While using old sources is fine, FAC reviewers might question this one.
Well, there is a bio-book on Brauchitsch from 2001 I have access to. However, I decided to use Hart instead precisely because it was written in 1944, where the existence of the Holocaust was not yet known, which make Harts bio on Brauchitsch more neutral (in my opinion). - JV
  • In the case of on-line sources without page numbers it is a good practice to mark paragraphs you are referring to. Paragraph numbers, first couple of words, any system would do. This is particularly important in case of long articles similar to the one from Eurozine, where one would have to read through all of it to verify your sources. Not practical.
If you click on the Eurozine link, you can just press Ctrl + F and you can type in "Brauchitsch" and every time his name is mentioned in the Interview, it will be highlighted in yellow. That was how I found it, which I believe is good enough? - JV
  • The later stages of his life are definitely under-represented in the article. It only briefly mentions his complicity in German war crimes and doesn't even mention that he was a witness during the Nuremberg trials, nor does it mention his internment in New South Wales.
Island Farm was located in New South Wales. I suppose I could change "in a British military hospital" to "in a British military hospital in New South Wales". I will add some comments about him witnessing at the Nuremberg trials right after responding to all your suggestions. - JV
  • Some wikilinks are misleading. For instance a link labeled "William E. Hart" leads instead to the publishing house that printed one of his books.
Hart does not have a Wikipedia article, so I directed "William E. Hart" to the publishing house that published his book. If it's a big deal, I can just remove the link. - JV
  • All in all, I believe it is a good start, but I'm afraid the article is not yet FA-ready. //Halibutt 22:20, 18 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
In a few minutes I will have implemented all of your suggestions. THEN I'm sure it's FA-ready. And thanks for all your input, Halibu. :) Jonas Vinther (speak to me!) 23:08, 18 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Hawkeye7 (talk)
Done. - JV
  • He married his second wife, Charlotte Rueffer, shortly after his divorce with Karstedt. Suggest "his divorce from Karstedt"
Done. - JV
  • Any idea how many brothers and sisters he had?
Six. He was the second-last. - JV
  • Where was he born? Add this.
Birth place added. - JV
  • A "housekeeper" is someone paid to manage a household. Are you sure you don't mean a "homemaker"?* Worth mentioning that two of his brothers also became generals?
Changed "housekeeper" to "housewife".
  • "By the outbreak of World War I in August 1914" Link World War I
Done. - JV
  • "He would be in the very thick of The Great War from start to finish." Kind of encyclopaedic. Consider omitting the sentence. And no need to capitalise "the".
Tweaked. - JV
  • " Brauchitsch saw more than twice as much action" By what measure?
Tweaked. - JV
  • " Brauchitsch was awarded the Iron Cross 1st Class and ended the war with the rank of major." Link Iron Cross. And major. All the military ranks. Actually, he was promoted only once in four years of war. Not all that impressive, and at odds with the claim that he was not unnoticed.
I disagree. Brauchtisch was a staff officer during the war and the Iron Cross was not something you easily got, so did not remove or reformulate anything. - JV
  • " Brauchitsch managed to avoid sanction." I don't understand this.
After World War I, the Treaty of Versailles said Germany could only have an army of 100,000 men. Because of this, hundreds of thousands were dismissed, relieved, or in any other way, kicked out of the military. By writing "Brauchitsch managed to avoid sanction" it means he managed to avoid being dismissed. - JV
  • " 11th Army District " -> "II Military District" Note that it was the second, not the 11th.
Fixed. - JV
  • " to transfer to the staff office of the 2nd Artillery Regiment" Delete "office"
Done. - JV
  • " Brauchitsch was named Chief of the East Prussian Military District and Chief of the 1st Division in Konigsberg In 1937." Chief -> commander
Fixed. - JV
  • " So when the Commander-in-Chief of the Army, Werner von Fritsch, was accused of homosexuality" Link the Blomberg-Fritsch Affair
Done. - JV
  • "Koch was known as somewhat of a dubious gangster " I don't think "gangster" is the right word here.
Replaced "gangster" with "crook". - JV
  • "Hitler appointed Brauchitsch the new army chief,[4] on the recommendation of the Army High Command." Link Oberkommando des Heeres
Done. - JV
  • "In the final months before World War II" Link World War II
Already linked earlier in the article. - JV
  • "ordered that Commissars were only to be shot if their anti-German sentiments were "especially recognizable"" Link "Commissars"
Done. - JV

Looks reasonably good. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:02, 20 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for you comments and suggestions, Hawkeye7. :) Jonas Vinther (speak to me!) 14:58, 20 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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