Wikipedia:Peer review/Uncle David/archive1

Uncle David

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has been put together in a manner that is fully referenced and makes use of all available sources. It would be good to see it go on to GA review, but first of all it requires a peer review.

Thanks, Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:28, 24 December 2012 (UTC)

• Cast should be mentioned somewhere along the line. I prefer to see it in the plot section (as can be seen here or here). If there's good information on the casting process, etc, then you could go with a standalone cast section (like this), but I'm not keen on them without real-world info to flesh them out.
• Not sure "anti-conventional" shouldn't just be "unconventional" (while I'm at it, I've never seen "lambaste" with that E, but Chrome's spellcheck seems to say it's ok so I'm probably worried over nothing).
  • I've changed it to "anti-establishment" rather than "anti-conventional". I don't think "unconventional" really describes the particular scene. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:07, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• Link to Isle of Sheppey?
• Probably best to go with "double" rather than 'single' quotes on "The Divine David".
• A book is titled, rather than entitled (it doesn't hold an entitlement to something. Unless it's been a very good book, I guess. Who's to stop it?). Same goes for the farewell show.
• A quick qualifier on who Westwood is might be useful—just replacing "and then for Vivienne Westwood" with "and then for punk designer Vivienne Westwood" should be enough.
  • Didn't she pretty much give up on being a punk in 1980, becoming "post-punk" or something ? I'll just call her a designer for now. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:40, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "but insisted that all he needed was a 30 minute break"—is this just one break or a break before each day/take/scene?
• "he felt that it was "quite hectic but a great atmosphere""—might be a good idea to slap an interpolation in there, and make it "he felt that it was "quite hectic but [had] a great atmosphere"".
• If there's nothing else under "Release" except the home media stuff, I don't see the need for two headings; just drop "release" and bring "home media" to a higher heading level
  • Added a bit more to that section. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:40, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• I think the reception sections leans a bit heavily on quotes; some of them could be truncated or paraphrased to better effect.
• Images could do with some alt text.
• Overall this is a pretty decent article, certainly enough to make GA with ease. I'll have to point an old flatmate to the film, too, as it sounds right up his street. I tried looking for a few extra sources for you (AllRovi, BFI) but didn't find anything; given its themes I don't know if there's maybe any LGBT magazines or websites that might have covered it too (though the scope is well-balanced so you're not in any real need of extra reviews or the like if they don't exist). GRAPPLE X 00:51, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks Grapple! Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:42, 13 January 2013 (UTC)