Wikipedia:Peer review/The Wallflowers/archive1

The Wallflowers

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've put a lot of work into this article over the past year or so and want to get some feedback on how to get it to the best it can be.

Thanks, SydKat (talk) 23:48, 16 January 2015 (UTC)

Comments by Ugog Nizdast

Hey there, I'll give this a go. The automatic peer reviewer gives these comments, have you checked it?

• In the infobox image caption, identifying the two bandmembers would be good. Try to add the alt text too.
• minor: " ...left The Wallflowers with" need not be capitalised mid-sentence even if it's the name of the band, see WP:THECAPS.
• Structure: Hmm..the sections are a bit long to read in a single go. Have you read Writing Better Articles? it's a good essay; specifically see under the 'Layout' section regarding keeping the sections and paras in a readable, consistent size.

I haven't given the article a thorough read for more detailed comments yet. Let me know, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 10:06, 1 February 2015 (UTC)

• Usually, there's an Influence(d)/Musical Style/Legacy sections, is any of these possible here? (pinging SydKat in case this is not on the watchlist.) -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 10:08, 2 February 2015 (UTC)

I've seen your message and will give it a more detailed review in a few days. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 09:28, 4 February 2015 (UTC)

• The source "The Wallflowers Network" has been used multiple times here. Since it sounds affiliated to the band, is it reliable?
• First section: 1988–1990: Early history. I feel this can be shortened and merged with the next subsection 1991–1994: Debut album. Here's how.

Original

The Wallflowers' inception came in 1988/1989 when singer-guitarist Jakob Dylan called his childhood friend, Tobi Miller, also a guitarist, about starting a band. Dylan and Miller had been in several bands together in high school but went their separate ways upon graduation. Dylan had moved to New York City to go to art school while Miller had started his own band called the 45's. After the 45's broke up in 1989, Miller regained contact with Dylan and they began forming a new band called the Apples. Barrie Maguire, who was in the 45's with Miller, joined the band as their bass player. In 1990, Peter Yanowitz was added as the drummer. The final member to join the group was keyboardist Rami Jaffee. Jaffee was an active member of the Los Angeles music scene and had been playing with multiple bands in the area. He met Dylan in 1990 in the Kibitz Room, a bar located in the back of a Jewish deli called Canter's on Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles. He had heard the Apples were looking for an organ player and after meeting and talking with Dylan in the Kibitz Room, the two headed for Dylan's car to listen to the band's demo tape. Jaffee was impressed by the songs and asked to join in on the band's next rehearsal. After a long rehearsal session, Jaffee joined the band on the spot.

Trimmed version

In 1988, singer-guitarist Jakob Dylan and his childhood friend, Tobi Miller (also a guitarist), had been in several bands together in high school. They separated after graduation with Dylan going to an art school in New York City and Miller starting his own band called the 45's. It broke up in 1989 and Miller contacted Dylan to form a new band called the Apples. Barrie Maguire, who was in the 45's with Miller, was their bass player and Peter Yanowitz joined in 1990 as the drummer. Keyboardist Rami Jaffee joined the band later that year. Jaffee was active in the Los Angeles music scene and played with multiple bands. He heard that the Apples were looking for an organ player and met Dylan. Jaffee listened to the band's demo tape and was impressed. On his request, he joined the band after their next rehearsal session.

As you can see, I've ruthlessly trimmed and copy edited it. Since I'm unfamiliar with this topic, some points which may have been important might have been lost. I've done this so that you can get an idea how to do it for the article. Notice how some redundancies were removed and minor details omitted. Personally I felt the name of that bar, its location and the going to their car part were details that could be removed. Tell me what you think and if you can similarly do the same for the article. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 14:21, 10 February 2015 (UTC)

@SydKat: Just in case you haven't seen the above reply. Also add this page to your watchlist and notify me if you want to continue. Otherwise cheers, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 10:17, 13 February 2015 (UTC)