Wikipedia:Peer review/The Revolution Will Not Be Televised (film)/archive1

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised (film)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Listing this article for peer review to get feedback for improvements, or to highlight potential issues of omission or bias, before any future FAC run. This article is the result of several weeks of careful contemplation and negotiation, taking in views from editors holding seemingly irreconcilable opinions about this highly controversial issue. In that time, we've taken it from persistent tag-magnet that neglected the nuts-and-bolts to a fully rounded film article that's as stable as it's ever been. Fire at will. Steve ^T • C 16:29, 25 March 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting and generally well done artcile, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The automated tips points out that some words are in British English, with others in American English. These need to be consistent.
• The article has one image which needs alt text for readers who cannot see it per WP:ALT.
• I also wonder if more images could be added, perhaps one of Chavez? Or the palace?
• WP:LEAD suggests the lead should be three or so paragraphs for an article of this length - the first paragraph could be split with the sentence on the directors as the start of a new second paragraph.
• Per WP:LEAD and WP:MOSQUOTE, direct quotations in the lead shoud be cited - there are two that I see that need refs. Reviewers cited the filmmakers' unprecedented proximity to key events and praised the film for its "riveting narrative"; ... and also The film is regularly shown on Venezuelan television, and in Caracas it is often broadcast during "contentious political conjunctures".
• The article seems a bit under-linked, for example art house circuit could be linked in the lead...
• Could the quote be changed to In 2000–2001, independent Irish filmmakers Kim Bartley and Donnacha O'Briain—co-workers on previous projects who shared an interest "in Latin American politics and issues around globalization"—proposed a fly on the wall documentary ...
• Similarly could this quote be changed to According to Phil Gunson of Columbia Journalism Review, in Venezuela "it is hard, if not impossible, to find an impartial observer. Most of the country's private news media have openly joined the opposition...' both of these suggestions avoid the [additions] to quotes
• There are a fair number of quotes in the article where a word in square brackets is included as the first word of the direct quotation, is there any reason not to move it out of the brackets and quotes? Change "[something] like this sentence" to something "like this sentence"
• Would "establishment" work better than "setting up" in He filmed the setting up of the interim government; when Bartley and O'Briain returned to the palace on 13 April, the cameraman let them have his footage.[1]
• I would read WP:MOSQUOTE carefully. I would give refs for the direct quotations in the Synopsis section (to the film itself or the DVD). In the following section there are direct quotes in a sentence which should have the ref at the end of the sentence. In Venezuela, it premièred on 13 April 2003,[5] on state television channel Venezolana de Televisión (VTV), and it has been shown regularly on Venezuelan television since; the state-funded community station Catia TVe often broadcasts the film during "contentious political conjunctures", such as the 2004 recall referendum, the 2006 presidential election, and in 2007 to "help build support" for the government's controversial attempt to revoke the license of private television network RCTV.
• I would try to give some idea of when the film preiered on European TV in the previous sentence
• ALso needs a ref at the end and I would link VHS and add a word The filmmakers could not secure a US television deal, but in March 2003 a VHS [copy? version? tape?] of the film screened for "fewer than 100 people" as part of an American Cinematheque Irish film festival in Los Angeles.
• Perhaps add New York again here? It premièred to the public at the Film Forum in November 2003.
• Pounds sterling in New York City?? Why not dollars? Peace Action New York were given permission for a screening during a fund raiser in the Lincoln Center, where 250 people paid £35 each to see the film and "[participate] in a question-and-answer session" with guests ...
• In the Accolades section, there seem to be some film festivals where it won prizes that were not mentioned earlier. Shouldn't they be mentioned previously too?
• I would say who did the commissioning in He and Thalman Urguelles were commissioned to "produce a response",[33] and ...
• Overall seems well done and does a good job presenting both sides in a neutral way.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 18:07, 30 March 2010 (UTC)