Wikipedia:Peer review/The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion/archive2
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion[edit]
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I need to be sure that this article is good enough to become a featured article candidate; I've done a lot of work on it by addressing issues raised in the last FAC; I just want to know if there are still some issues in the article, like prose issues
Thanks, SCB '92 (talk) 22:41, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
RJH Comments—Good work on the article. Here's a few suggestions:
- The lead doesn't really seem to do much to describe the actual game. It might help if the lead had a sentence or two about character development from the Gameplay section, plus another sentence or so regarding the environment and the players perspective. To me the gorgeous graphics, expansive game world and the schedule-driven NPCs are three of the highlights of the game play, and it's good to portray the strong points to the reader.
- In the 'Gameplay' section, some words about the NPC interaction mechanic would be good, as well as a mention of the schedule-driven behavior of the NPC population. If possible, a total count of the unique, interactive NPCs in the game would be informative.
- In the 'Plot' section, I think it would be better to first say that the game begins with the player's character having been locked up for an unnamed crime, then proceed into the arrival of the Emperor. Otherwise, the mention of the player being in a cell is unclear.
- "...broken an old covenant—the barrier to the realm of Oblivion": here I think it is necessary here to briefly explain that this dangerous realm is in another dimension, rather than elsewhere in Cyrodiil.
- "...the player must venture inside...": inside the gate or inside the city?
- "Upon returning": returning where? It never mentions that the player had travelled from Weynon Priory.
- "The player takes the book which opened the portal to Martin": this is ambiguous. Please rephrase so it is clear that the book wasn't used to create a portal to Martin.
- There are places where the additive term "also" is used. In most cases this is unnecessary because the "also" follows from the sequence of the text.
See User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a#Eliminating redundancy - "The game also levels the player's enemies...": I think the word "scales up" may be useful here and less jargon-like than "levels". As in: "The game scales up the difficulty of opponents based on the player's level". Likewise with the following: "The enemies' weapons are also leveled along with the treasure the player can find in chests and on enemies' bodies."
- There are a lot of countries that have currency in "dollars". For clarity, I'd suggest writing dollar marks as US$ or USD. (Example: $1–3 => US$1–3.)
- The following quotation is missing closing double quote marks: "less flexible, less apt for...
- In the "Reception" section, the quote from the A.V. Club should use emdashes rather than hyphens. The later makes the text confusing because they look like hyphenated words.
- Please fix the ambiguity/confusion here: "...criticized the disjunction between enemies that leveled according to the player's level and not their combat abilities or NPC allies..."
- "...response to the new content, the ESRB conducted a new review...": the second "new" is unnecessary; it follows from the context. Or you could say "second review".
- The "David Hughes (2010-12-12)." reference uses a different author format than the other citations.
- These two cites could use a little better formatting:
Regards, RJH (talk) 22:47, 28 October 2011 (UTC)
Thanks for the Peer review, I will get right on it to address these issues-SCB '92 (talk) 11:48, 29 October 2011 (UTC)