Wikipedia:Peer review/School for Creative and Performing Arts/archive2
School for Creative and Performing Arts[edit]
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to list it at FAC shortly. It has been rewritten entirely since GA. I would appreciate any comments with FAC in mind, especially any pointers on the finer points of WP:MOS.
Many thanks, Nasty Housecat (talk) 03:01, 7 August 2010 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: This looks very good to me (and sorry I have been so slow in reviewing it), here are mostly nitpicky some suggestions for improvement.
- No dabs, external links all seem to still work. I noticed a few YouTube links - if they are the TV station's page, they should be OK, but some might question if the poster had copyright permission otherwise (I owuld leave them in as sources will be reviewed at FAC - just a heads up).
- In the lead, would "about ages five to seventeen" be better? In 2010 SCPA combined with the Schiel Primary School for Arts Enrichment to create the first kindergarten through twelfth grade (around ages five to seventeen) arts school ..
- In the caption, wopuld it be possible to identify the superintendent of CPS? Could probably tighten it a little too, perhaps as something like Bill Dickinson (left), who led the school from its founding in 1973 until 1991, and CPS Superintendent Dr. Donald Waldrip at a Cincinnati Boy Choir performance on Cincinnati's Fountain Square, c. 1974. The article calls it Cincinnati All-City Boy Choir too. Not sure the caption needs two Cinicinnatis
- In note a, I would spell out NAACP (even though it is linked).
- Would it make sense to say Baldwin Piano was then making pianos in Cincinnati?
- I would link NRHP in the Mount Adams school picture caption
- I would split this sentence into two - a bit uncwieldy as is Councilwoman Bobbie Stern proposed to move the school to Cincinnati Union Terminal... (Start the new sentence with the rotunda)
- Needs a ref Into this historic but blighted neighborhood the school moved with its 650 students in 1976, to the Old Woodward School building at 1310 Sycamore Street. Any reason not to have the sentence read "The school, with its 650 students, moved into this historic but blighted neighborhood, and its Old Woodward School building at 1310 Sycamore Street."?
- Section is called "Controversy and comeback (1991–2009)" but we are not told who the principal was after the 2008 resignation (all these allegations of sexual misconduct, is there something in the water there?)
- The school was paid $10,000 per episode. Could the total number of episodes also be given?
- "ground broke" sounds odd in By 2007, after more than a decade of fund raising and negotiations, 90 percent of the final $72 million budget had been secured and ground broke for a new building across from Washington Park in September of that year.[76]d[›] would ground was broken work?
- I would say the park features statues of Friedrich Hecker and Robert Latimer McCook, and then explain who they were (heroes...)
- Link "disabled accessible building" to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990
- This sentence makes it sound like everyone must audition Admission is by audition and selective; the school has been criticized as "elitist".[94] But then this sentence says not everyone has to audition Students entering grades four through six are required to audition in every arts major and older students are encouraged to do so.[95] Which is it?
- Typo If a one lead role is played by a white student, the other lead role will be played by a black student.[115] Also I think this refers to the two casts - could it be clarified?
- For the People, with schools it is often the case that the years they attended or the year of their graduation is given.
- I made a few copyedits as I read - please revert if I made any mistakes or introduced errors. I think this looks very good - please let me know when it is at FAC.
Hope this helps. Hope my comments are useful. Thanks for alreasy peer reviewing an article at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog. I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 12:59, 14 August 2010 (UTC)