Wikipedia:Peer review/Rogers Hornsby/archive1

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Rogers Hornsby[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, after passing GA, I saw that the primary writer had left, and decided to get this prepared for FAC. I've went through the article and made many different modifications. That being said, having a couple eyes on it from any non-baseball experts would be quite beneficial, as things that I see as entirely fine may be problematic for others.

Thanks, Wizardman Operation Big Bear 23:30, 4 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article about a famous baseball player. The article generally reads well. Here are some specific suggestions as well as a couple of general comments.

  • I've seen a couple of sports articles founder at FAC because they mainly consisted of long sections that simply recounted statistics, year-by-year. I was reminded of this concern by the second paragraph of the lead, which in part says: "After the season, he was traded to the New York Giants. He spent one season with them before getting traded to the Boston Braves, and he spent one season with the Braves before getting traded to the Chicago Cubs. He played with the Cubs until they released him in 1932. He then re-signed with the Cardinals in 1933, but he was claimed off waivers by the St. Louis Browns during the season. He remained with the Browns until his final season in 1937." No doubt this is all true and grammatically correct, but it's a bit dull and repetitive. Anything you can do to compress these kinds of things and to add something lively to the mix will improve your chances at FAC. It's not that the article is generally dull; you break the stats up here and there with the brother's death by gunshot, the affair and divorce, the gambling, and other tidbits. That's the kind of stuff that will keep readers going. Add more, if you have any, to any places that seem to plod, and compress the plodding parts that can't be left out.

Lead

  • The existing lead doesn't include any summary of Hornsby's life outside of baseball even though the main text has quite a bit of personal information. I think some mention of the main points of "Early life" and "Personal Life" would help turn the lead into a true summary. If you need a fourth paragraph to do this, I think that would be fine since this is a long article.

Early life

  • "He took a job with Swift and Company team as a messenger boy when he was ten years old... " - Delete "team"? I think this means "messenger boy" for the company rather than the team, but I can't be sure.
  • "and he also served as a substitute infielder on their baseball team" - Maybe "its baseball team" rather than "their baseball team"?
  • "for several semipro teams" - Maybe "semi-professional" rather than "semipro"?

Minor league career

  • "The Scouts folded a third of the way through the season" - Maybe "went out of business" rather than "folded"?

1915–1919

  • "despite the fact that his only professional baseball experience was in Class D" - Maybe tighten to "although his only professional baseball experience had been in Class D"?
  • "Hornsby's status changed to Class 1 during the year... " - Change to "military draft status" for clarity?
  • "but the end of the war meant that Hornsby did not miss any playing time as a result of military service" - Maybe "but the war ended later that year, and Hornsby did not miss any playing time because of military service"?
  • "He started off slow behind the plate, but his average began improving by June" - Maybe "His batting average was low at the beginning of the season but improved by June"?

1920–1926

  • "the Baseball Writers Association of America finally made up for Ryder's decision" - Delete "finally"?
  • "Following the season, Hornsby was due for a new contract, and he demanded a three-year, $50,000 contract" - Recast to avoid repeating "contract"? Also, does this mean $50,000 per year or $50,000 total? It's pretty clear from context that it means "per year", but it wouldn't hurt to clarify.

New York Giants

  • "However, Hornsby's gambling problems... " - What gambling problems? This is interesting, and it might be worth adding more detail here (even though you add more later).

Later baseball career

  • "After two mediocre seasons with the club, the Reds announced that Hornsby would not return for 1954." - Misplaced modifier. Maybe "After Hornsby completed two mediocre seasons with the club, the Reds announced that he would not return for 1954"?

Images

  • File:Rogers Hornsby 1928.jpg overlaps two sections and displaces a section head. The "Boston Braves" section is too short to accommodate an image, but it will probably fit elsewhere.
  • File:Rogers Hornsby.jpg has a dead link on its license page. It's the link to the original postcard, apparently. Fix this if you can.
  • File:1929 R315 Hornsby.PNG also seems to have a dead source link. The source site might just be temporarily down, but I could not connect when I tried.
  • Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 23:49, 15 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review; I'll add what is noted above, since I don't see anything I have questions on. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 04:27, 19 July 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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