Wikipedia:Peer review/Rihanna's Secret Body Spray Tour/archive1

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Rihanna's Secret Body Spray Tour[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to promote Music of the Sun to Good Topic, but I doubt this article will be able to become GA. So according to the criteria, I am listing this for a Peer Review to solve any issues because nominating for Good Topic.


Thanks, Calvin • Watch n' Learn 00:28, 18 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Sarastro1
  • This is very short, but there are several issues which need clearing up.
  • "The 9-day tour": Should this be "nine-day", per MOSNUM?
  • "6-song": Ditto, should this be "six-song"?
  • "Rihanna would play..." Better to use past tense: "Rihanna played ... and signed ..."
  • "posters and CD's": No apostrophe in CDs.
  • "Secret Body Spray Deodorant began selling their new collection of Body Spray": Is this the name of the company? Could some info be added on who they are and how they came to be involved with Rihanna? How did the tour help sales?
  • "signed Barbadian Rihanna": Is her nationality necessary here?
  • "9 tour": should be nine.
  • "to the 9 tour dates going around promoting Body Spray and Music of the Sun, Rihanna's debut album": No need for "going around".
  • "The campaign began in Cincinnati on 26, October": No need for comma.
  • "on 7, December 2005": Again, no comma.
  • "then Rihanna would come on stage and perform": "came on stage and performed".
  • "After that she would answer fan questions then she would autograph posters, CDs or other scraps of paper for fans before leaving.": Again, should be past tense.
  • Is there really nothing else to say? Promotion, reception, attendances, reports? It just seems sparse.
  • There is a clean-up tag for bare urls which should be sorted, and should really be done before PR.

I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have any questions or comments, please use my talk page. --Sarastro1 (talk) 18:54, 23 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks :) Aaron • You Da One 13:23, 1 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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