Wikipedia:Peer review/Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams/archive1

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nom for FA, but have learned that peer review will help out an article before nominating for featured status. Has already gone through GA review, which can be found on the article's talk page.

Thanks, RedThunder 20:44, 2 September 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.

• Since this is an article about a speech, it seems to me that there should be less detail about the speech itself and much more about its reception. An article about a novel usually limits the plot to about 900 words. The plot here is the meat of the article, but the focus should be on more of what happened after, history of how it became an internet phenomenon, etc. What did critics or commentators say about his speech?
• I am not sure a 1304 by 2000 pixel image - Image:RandySept18TalkPoster.jpg - is really low resolution for Fair Use, especially at FAC.
• The Background should do a better job of explaining who Pausch was and giving his biography in a more organized way - provide context for the reader, see WP:PCR
• One of the hardest FA criteria for most articles to reach is professional level English - this is nowhere near that yet and needs a copy edit, preferably after some of the other issues have been addressed.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:26, 10 September 2008 (UTC)