Wikipedia:Peer review/Ready (Trey Songz album)/archive1

Ready (Trey Songz album)[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I think that I can take this to FAC, and want to clear up all outstanding errors that are possibly here already.

Thanks, Candy o32 - Happy New Year :) 16:46, 1 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I will be making some comments shortly after I've had chance to review the article in depth. -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 ^[talk] 06:42, 2 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This looks very good. I have a few suggestions for further improvement.

Overlinking

Generally, it's not necessary to link terms more than once in the lead and once in the main text. Further links often seem redundant. For example, "Troy Traylor" is linked once in the lead, twice in "Production and development", once in "Track listing" and once in "Personnel". I would remove the second one in "Production and development" for sure and maybe the ones in the lower sections. There are other similar redundant links, of R. Kelly, for example.

Heads and subheads

I'd probably make the two subheads under "Reception" more telegraphic to avoid repeating "response"; i.e., "Commercial" and "Critical".

Production and development

"the purpose of the album was to crossover... " - This should be "cross over" since it's the verb form.

Nothing inside direct quotes should be linked. The Troy Traylor quotation in this section includes links. WP:MOSQUOTE includes the relevant guideline.

Composition

"Black Roses" is "set to quasi-electronica production, buoyed by a soulful vocal arrangement." - This quotation needs attribution, something like, "according to John Doe" or "Jane Doe said".

Promotion

"To promote the album, a major online campaign was launched, his blog site, SeeFurtherThanIAm.com," - Missing word, "on" maybe, as in "on his blog site"?

Singles

"sans the other featured guest" - Maybe "without" rather than "sans" because the former is more familiar to most readers?

Critical response

I think I'd break the giant first paragraph in half at some arbitrary point just to give the reader a rest.

"The album received positive reviews from most music critics, receiving an aggregate score of 67 out of 100, based on six reviews from website Metacritic, which indicates "generally favorable reviews." - Slightly smoother might be: "Most music critics praised the album, which received an aggregate score of 67 out of 100. The score, indicating "generally favorable reviews" was based on six reviews from website Metacritic."

"Ken Capobianco of The Boston Globe said that Songz had developed as a vocalist stating, "more elastic and uses his falsetto judiciously". - This is not a complete sentence. Missing words? Maybe "stating that his voice was"?

"Even though the review pointed out that "he occasionally falls back on booty-call clichés," that "his song craft shines on the edgy "Black Roses" and regretful "Love Lost." - This is not a coherent sentence either.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. Since I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments, if my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 01:09, 14 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: I don't see how "Most music critics praised the album...." is smoother. The reviews for the album were not exactly filled with praise, so it's less accurate. Most reviews were positive. "Praise" is a little to strong and there wasnt nothing wrong with how it was before. Dan56 (talk) 20:05, 17 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Adabow comments

"Songz said that "[it] was a very radio-geared record..." – 'it' doesn't need brackets
Speaking of the following singles, Songz thought that "I Invented Sex" would be a "career-defining record, and I knew 'Say Aah' would be a monster club record." – reword somehow, maybe 'Speaking of the following singles, Songz thought that "I Invented Sex" would be a "career-defining record, and [he] knew 'Say Aah' would be a monster club record."
"Songz wanted to keep the amount of features very limited" → Songz wanted to keep the number of featured artists very limited
Could you include where the album was recorded
"Sean Fennessey of The Village Voice said, that Ready, featured Songz's..." - remove commas
PopMatters is web-only; no italics
Songz made an appearance with his mother and younger-half brother, Forrest, – makes it sound like Forrest is his mother and brother
""LOL Smiley Face", featuring rappers Gucci Mane and Soulja Boy Tell 'Em was released..." - comma after 'Tell 'Em'
Chart positions should be preceded by 'number'
"Additionally it was his first song to impact pop radio, appearing on the Pop Songs chart, and his first to chart internationally, charting on the Canadian Hot 100." - is the Ultratip charting worth mentioning here?
See if you can find a sales figure from Yahoo.com
"Rolling Stone gave the album 3½ out of 5 stars" → Rolling Stone gave the album three-and-a-half out of five stars
The Rolling Stone review is not in the citation.
Who and what did he lose the Grammy to?
Check refs for italics and publishers

Adabow (talk · contribs) 21:31, 17 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]