Wikipedia:Peer review/Quoll/archive1

Quoll

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think that any more feedback would be welcome. As part of the AP Biology wikiproject I think that this will help me acheive my goal of GA

Thanks, Savetheoceans (talk) 21:43, 31 October 2011 (UTC)

The following suggesstions

• Add more content, ideally from the highest quality references(books and journal that cover the topic in detail).
• Add WP:Page numbers where available. i.e If page numbers for the Hill refs are different then break up into individaul refs with page numbers.
• ref name=PWS is a cite web but has no url. That's illogical.
• Alt text on images per WP:ALT.
• Write lead per WP:LEAD (best after body of article complete and stable).
• Add a few more wikilinks on uncommon words or concepts like sodium fluoroacetate and Darling Harbour.
• Requires a copy edit and redundancy check.
• Check references information and where applicable filled in. i.e publisher, year, isbn, pages
• Use {{convert}} or put both manually for imperial and metric measures.
• Crop map

Regards, SunCreator ^(talk) 00:33, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Malleus Fatuorum

• Lead

• I think you need to expand the lead just a little to better summarise the article. A good rule of thumb is a sentence or two summarising the main points of each significant section, but the lead tells me almost nothing about the quoll's diet for instance, other than that it's carniverous.
• "Four species of quoll live in Australia, the other two live in New Guinea or Tasmania." That makes it seem like either we're not sure whether they live in New Guinea or Tasmania, or that they flit about between the two, which I'm sure isn't what you mean.

• Description

• "Females have six nipples and develop a pouch which opens toward the tail only during the breeding season". The way that sentence is structured makes it look like the pouch opens toward the tail only during the breeding season, and toward somewhere else at other times of the year. But presumably it doesn't have a pouch at all except in the breeding season? In which case something like "Females have six nipples and develop a pouch during the breeding season that opens toward the tail" would be clearer.
• "Northern quolls, are the smallest species of quolls, with the males weighing on average .4 kilograms (0.88 lb)-.9 kilograms (2.0 lb) and the females weigh about .3 kilograms (0.66 lb)-.5 kilograms (1.1 lb). I think it looks a bit awkward to be using fractions of kilogrammes here rather than grammes, as in ".3 kilograms (0.7 lb)", but better in this case I think to say {{{convert|300|g|oz|sp=us}}, which would give 300 grams (11 oz).

• No sp=us required as it's an Australian topic. Regards, SunCreator ^(talk) 16:57, 10 November 2011 (UTC)

• The spelling needs to be consistent, and it's using American English spelling elsewhere. Malleus Fatuorum 17:07, 10 November 2011 (UTC)
• I just noticed that the spelling in general appears to be British English, as in "behaviour", so probably best to remove the "sp=us" parameter from all the conversions. Malleus Fatuorum 17:15, 10 November 2011 (UTC)

• First use was British English and then for some reason it started changing. Regards, SunCreator ^(talk) 17:23, 10 November 2011 (UTC)

• It seems always to have been a mix of Br and Am English, ("color", "center" and so on), but we need to make sure it's consistent. Malleus Fatuorum 18:02, 10 November 2011 (UTC)

• Habitat

• "Quolls are indigenous to Australia, New Guinea, and Tasmania, where they live in forests and open valley land". The structure of that sentence makes it look like quolls live in forests and open valley land only in Tasmania, and elsewhere in Australia and New Guinea.
• There's no url for ref #12.
• "But they do inhabit much of nearby Tasmania ... They are common in Tasmania". Some obvious repetition there.
• "Northern quolls could be found in the northern third of Australia a century ago". So where can they be found now?
• "The theory is that a land bridge once connected Australia and New Guinea. Around 6 to 8,000 years ago increase in water temperatures caused ice caps to melt causing a rise in sea level which effectively covered the land bridge." It's rather more than a theory, pretty much fact. But it wasn't a rise in water temperature that submerged the land bridge, it was a general rise in the global climate's temperature.

• Reproduction

• "... during the follicular phase, pouches were found to be red in colour, had many secretions, and sex-hormones were very high." What has that last bit about high levels of sex hormones, got to do with the pouch? And why is "sex-hormones" hyphenated?

• Threats

• I think the sub-sections should be removed and the sub-sections become regular paragraphs. Very short sections/sub-sections tend to be frowned upon by reviewers.
• "... cane toads are highly invasive in environments". Not sure what that's trying to say.
• "... but because of threats can only be found in much scarcer areas." Quite a bit wrong with that, not the least of which is that an area can't be scarce. And it sounds like there was some kind of racket going on, a bit like the Mafia, threatening the quolls that it would be in their best interests to leave quietly.

Comments by Yomangani The writing could generally do with a little tightening, but it's not a bad overview. A couple of thing a noticed as I flicked past:

• Tasmania is Australia. You mean "mainland Australia, Tasmania and New Guinea"
• "Northern quolls could be found in the northern third of Australia a century ago." How interesting, but I really want to know where they are found now.

  The attempt at correcting this is not really any better - the "presently" gives the habitat rather than the range. (Basically, we don't care where they used to be 100 years ago, we want to know where they can be found now)

• "Quolls are largely solitary animals, and are nocturnal." Probably belongs in the behaviour section (and indeed is partially duplicated there).
• "Male's territory often overlaps many females' territories" How many males? "A male's" or "Males'".
• "Depending on the size of the prey, a quoll may leap or pounce onto it." You explain this again in the next sentence.
• "In a study published in 2008, the pouch of a spotted-tail quoll was studied." Awkward phrasing.
• "who can die rather rather quickly after consuming one" They'd prefer to die rather slowly? This flourish isn't necessary.
• "The pups were born to inexperienced parents, both just one year old. The reason being that male quolls can easily kill a female if they do not want to mate." That doesn't follow.

  You've tried to correct this but "The reason being" doesn't make sense. This might be the reason that the yearling parents were bred but it is not the reason that the the pups were born.

I might have another look later. Yomangani^talk 17:24, 11 November 2011 (UTC)

• The treatment of "quolls" as if they are species rather than as a genus is a bit worrying. Many of the statements probably apply to only some species but are presented as generic. (The first two sections make a better effort to differentiate between species.)
• Lots of redundancy both in the writing and duplication of information between sections. A few examples only:

  "Quolls can obtain all the water they need from the food they eat" As opposed to the food they don't eat?

  "pouches were found to be red in colour" As opposed to red in size?

  "a short period of time"

  The threat to habitat is mentioned in both the Threats and Conservation section as are cane toads

• Foxes are not feral. You may mean "introduced predators" in this context as neither foxes or cats are indigenous
• "Habitats are also being destroyed by large herbivores trampling the grass and overgrowth, making camouflage and habitability impossible." Making "habitability impossible"? This is akin to saying habitats are being destroyed by the destruction of habitat.
• "They do not have prehensile tails, but do have ridges on the pads of their feet, to walk rough ground." Why are these connected and why do we care that they do not have prehensile tails? (They also do not have opposable thumbs for example but this is not worth mentioning)
• You still need to differentiate more between Tasmania and the rest of Australia. Yomangani^talk 15:01, 12 November 2011 (UTC)