Wikipedia:Peer review/Pilot (30 Rock)/archive3

Pilot (30 Rock)[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it's recently failed another FAC for prose issues and not being easy enough to understand for people who have never seen the series. Could people focus of these concerns in their comments please and comment as if this was at FAC?

Thanks, ^[User]Jamie JCA_[Talk] 20:33, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs)

I'm reading the Plot section, and I still don't totally understand what "30 Rock" is.
"Tracy offers to take Liz back to the studio, but he makes a detour to a strip club in the Bronx."
The caption "Tina Fey wrote the character of Jack Donaghy with Alec Baldwin in mind" needs a period.
Lots of info about one or two characters.

I don't usually review TV episode articles, but this one looks pretty good. Karanacs did a fine job of copy-editing. Dabomb87 (talk) 19:27, 6 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments Here are a copuple of rough patches in the prose

Who is the subject of After inadvertently insulting her, Liz takes an initial dislike to Jack. - it seems Jack is the subject of the first phrase, Liz of the second
Unclear in several ways In comparison to Liz, the narcissistic star of The Girlie Show, Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski) takes to Jack upon their first meeting. She begins to worry when she hears that Tracy may become the new star of the show. First I think "In contrast to" is meant instead of "In comparison to"; the placement of "the narcissistic star of The Girlie Show" makes it unclear if it is refering to Liz or Jenna; "She" in the second sentence is also unclear - assume Jenna, could be Liz
Typo While Liz tried to convince Tracy not to join The Girlie Show, he discuseses conspiracy theories.
Only other comment is that this seems very short for an FA - that may be OK, but sometimes it is a sign that it lacks comprehensiveness - not sure about this in TV articles in general though, so nothing missing comes to mind.

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:14, 7 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Is it actually called "Pilot"? If not the title seems a strange choice. 86.44.23.124 (talk) 17:21, 16 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]