Wikipedia:Peer review/Philip Humber/archive1

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Philip Humber[edit]

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Before April 21, Philip Humber was a failed top prospect who was coming off a 2011 season that made it appear he might be a serviceable MLB player after all. This was the sorry state of his article.

Then, on April 21, he threw the 21st perfect game in MLB history, forever etching his name in baseball lore. TonyTheTiger (talk · contribs) and I undertook a massive overhaul of this article, including a 5x expansion that took it from nearly 5k of almost entirely unsourced prose to over 25k of top quality article writing. It just passed as a GA today, and we would like to nominate it for FA status. Given the timeframe here, we don't want to rush it. We agree that this article could use fresh, unbiased eyes to suggest any areas that need to be addressed before this work of art can become an FA.

Thanks, – Muboshgu (talk) 21:45, 12 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Brief comment I'm not sure about this, but aren't Portal links supposed to be in the "See also" or "External links" sections, instead of the "Personal" one? AutomaticStrikeout (talk) 18:34, 14 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I don't like putting them in a section like that, but I have done it before. I created a "See also" section, which is a better place for the portals. – Muboshgu (talk) 01:18, 15 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments (general comment, remember this isn't just for baseball aficionados, it's for everyone, so make an effort to explain all those complex things).."

  • "He then went on to star for" bit POV.
  • Don't overlink minor league baseball in the lead.
  • Put (MLB) after "Major League Baseball" before you use the abbreviation.
  • Infobox, Win-loss record seems to have become Win–loss record (per WP:DASH).
  • "When Humber was 11 years old, he visited the..." -> "Aged 11, he visited..."
  • " Humber played for three state champions.[2] Humber was raised with a batting cage in" no need to keep repeating Humber...
  • "compiled a 4–0 record with a 1.09 ERA" what's ERA?
  • "He went 7–2 as a " what does that mean?
    • Since record in the previous sentence was changed to a link of win-loss record, does that clarify this? – Muboshgu (talk) 00:40, 3 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • " .371 batting average with 6 home runs" you link home run (which I think most people know) but you don't explain what a batting average is (which I think most people don't know...).
  • Ah, you suddenly explain what ERA is and link it a few paras later. Make sure you explain and link all these terms first time round.
  • "Baseball America rated Humber ..." what is Baseball America? Perhaps "National publication Baseball America..." or whatever.
  • "Humber, Niemann, and Townsend were all selected..." -> "He, Niemann..."
  • " a $3.0 million" any need for the ".0"?
  • "who wanted Humber to alter his mechanics and adopt a long toss program" now then. This probably means something to baseball fans, but if you take that hat off and read it as a plain reader, it makes no sense whatsoever! Perhaps you could be clearer, more neutral and encyclopaedic.

That's a start. Ping me when you're done. The Rambling Man (talk) 18:34, 2 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Should this be closed, or are there more comments coming? – Muboshgu (talk) 19:15, 16 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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