Wikipedia:Peer review/Occult Classic/archive1

Occult Classic

I've listed this article for peer review because Occult Classic is the largest page i've created and I want to know how to improve it.

Thanks, Micro (Talk) 06:47, 20 December 2017 (UTC)

Comments from dnllnd

Hey! Congratulations on creating your first longer form page. Here are a few general comments about the structure and style of the page:

• The citations in the lead can be dialed back since there isn't anything present that's likely to be challenged. MOS:LEADCITE is a good reference for drafting a page intro.
• Thoughtful and contextually driven quotations are a good addition to any article, but the number and extent of those included in the Background and composition section veer into quote farm territory. Paraphrasing what you've included into shorter digestible sentences will pull the page inline with the spirit of an encyclopedia and make it easier for people to scan. MOS:QUOTE includes suggestions about how and when to use quotations. In this case, it makes sense to include commentary about the album's development, but they would have a greater impact if used more judiciously.
• Reception and release section: Make sure to include links to relevant Wikipedia pages to help explain who people and sites you reference are - not all readers are going to be familiar with the genre of music and related figures. For example, what is EDM.com? Who is Michael Sundius? What is Dancing Astronaut? If there aren't relevant pages to link to, include a brief note explaining who or what the are.
• Alt Classic subheading: Italicize heading.
• Generally the page would benefit from having more of a narrative flow. Right now much of the information is included as standalone nuggets rather than points that naturally follow each other. Cutting back on the use of quotes might help on this front. You may also want to consider comparing and contrasting reaction to the album as a way of weaving things together. It may also be useful to find a few pages that are more developed for other albums you like that can be used as guides.
• Consider centralizing references you've used multiple times by naming them so that it's readily obvious to readers how many references come from each source. It can be done using the Cite menu in either the RefToolbar or the Visual Editor.--Dnllnd (talk) 01:45, 30 December 2017 (UTC)