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My Happiness (song)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…it's been a GA for a while, and I'd like to get it featured at some stage.

Specific things; prose, article layout (is it clear? does it flow?) and ensuring all the sources are OK.

Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 11:19, 15 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]


Ruhrfisch comments: Article seems pretty well written and sourced to me. I would ask User:Ealdgyth to check the refs / sources. Here are my suggestions for improvment, most fairly nit-picky:

  • Per WP:LEAD the lead should probably be three paragraphs long. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way.
  • A model article is useful for ideas and examples on structure, refs, style, etc. There are a large number of singles that are FA at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music that may be useful models
  • I am not Australian and had to click the links to see what the ARIA Awards and APRA Awards and the Triple J Hottest 100, 2000 were. Can the article provide more context to the reader - WP:PCR?
  • This is a fragment Sain journalist Christie Eliszer, describing the song as one of numerous "acoustic strumalongs" on the album.[2] either use "described" or there is a phrase missing at the end.
  • Problem sentence He also noted later that the song was about time spent on the road, touring, and the distance from loved ones;[6] the purpostedly "depressing" nature of "My Happiness" and its fellow Odyssey Number Five track "These Days" saw Fanning dubbed "Mr Miserable" by music journalist Peter Holmes of The Sun-Herald.[7] has a typo "purpostedly", it says "later" but the article never gives a time frame for the earlier quotes, I am not sure how well the two parts go together (either side of the semicolon - does the Fanning information in the first part really lead into the journalist reaction in the second part?), and finally the last part is a bit awkward, perhaps something more like the purportedly "depressing" nature of "My Happiness" and its fellow Odyssey Number Five track "These Days" led music journalist Peter Holmes of The Sun-Herald to dub Fanning "Mr Miserable".[7] would work better?
  • "Touring and promotion" section is all US and a little Europe, what about Australia?
  • Is the girl in the skirt at the end of the video the same as the girl on the train at the start? Plot of the video seems a bit detailed. Any critical reception on the video?
  • More context needed perhaps At the time of the single's release, [the band's previous album] Internationalist ...
  • Could be clearer - The single featured "My Kind of Scene" as a B-side; the song had already received strong airplay .. "the song" is a bit vague, how about something like The single B-side featured "My Kind of Scene", which had already received strong airplay ...
  • SInce the article is about the single, should it be Furthermore, "My Happiness" topped the Triple J Hottest 100 in 2000,[32] and [the video] appeared on the DVD release in the same year.[33]?
  • Awkward verb - perhaps "expressed surprise" Adams also remarked surprise that "My Kind of Scene" was only released ...?
  • Problem sentence - missing word(?) and second part of the sentence does not follow for me at least The Newcastle Herald's Chad Watson agreed, describing a mixture of acoustic and electric [sound? guitar?] and "a restrained yet warmly infectious chorus".[35] The first phrase on he agreed seems to refer to surprise at the B side not being a single on its own, so how does the second part follow?
  • Since it is made clear early on what album this is from, does every mention of it have to spell out Odyssey Number Five? What about just using "the album"?
  • Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 15:31, 19 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks so much, it was really helpful. I'll try and do more PR work than I currently do. :) dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:03, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Efe comments Some sections are jumbled. Need rework. The article is not comprehensive. Here are some comments below.

  • Just a question regarding the phrase "The single was Powderfinger's most successful to date". The single peaked at number four which means that non of the many singles released by the band did not reach number four or higher position?
  • If this is the first single to appear on a US chart, just write "…and charting on a US chart—the first Powderfinger song to do so. If not, put something that will identify Hot Modern Rock Tracks. Like, "…making it the first Powderfinger song to appear on a US chart…" or something like that so that non-familiar with the subject would know why is the first song to do so or why it’s important.
  • …which he said "is" about…
  • Touring with Coldplay is more significant. What about Late Night with David Letterman?
    • The Letterman show had 50 million viewers and they were the 4th Aussie band on it, ever... dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Give context to readers, especially those who do not know what Late Night with David Letterman is. --Efe (talk) 03:40, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Who is Coldplay by the way?
  • Vocal effort?
  • Why are award titles quoted?
  • Link the entire Triple J Hottest 100 and 2000 to Triple J Hottest 100, 2000.
  • Both paras in the lead are incoherent. There should be some in the second that is much related to the first one.
  • "Background, writing, and recording" is not the proper title for the first section. Its like all about lyrics and interpretation. There is a mentioned writing thing but its not much definitive to title it partly writing and there was even no recording. Im afraid the article is not yet comprehensive.
  • The criticism thing. What are those specifically? Why did Haug had to explain what the song basically is?
  • …like "Waiting for the Sun", "is" about…
  • Fanning said "My Happiness" "is" "about love…
  • "Fanning said "My Happiness" was "about love and the pinning feeling you experience when you spend time away from the one you love", noting the influence of gospel and soul on his work, stating "I listen to a lot of soul music that's unashamedly about love and how good it makes you feel" and noting that love was "much more important than anything else to me"." Is very long and needs to be chopped.
  • Who are James Taylor and Neil Young? They should be identified.
    • They're wlinked and identified as influences. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Give context to readers. What if they dont have links? --Efe (talk) 03:40, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • He also noted later that the song "is" about time…
  • purpostedly  purportedly?
  • …and its fellow Odyssey Number Five track "These Days" saw Fanning dubbed "Mr Miserable" by music journalist… saw here is an awkward choice of word.
  • Spell out 2 in "…2 months prior…"
  • Needs a full stop after "…to its United States release…"
  • Causality: was the song considered a success after a considerable heavy airplay that led to signing contract with Republic?
  • …to appear on a Billboard magazine chart…
  • Again, add identification to Coldplay.
  • "in a row in London thanks in part to the success of the single" That "thanks in part" sounds not encyclopedic.
  • The "touring and promotion" section is incoherent.
  • The first para of the section "music video" needs clean-up.
  • Powderfinger's guitarist Ian Haug is redundant. Haug only; already identified above.
  • Is it possible to upload a screenshot of the slinky?
  • Link Chris Applebaum and possible others if existing.
  • Internationalist needs to be linked.
  • Same with ARIA Albums Chart.
  • use a comma after "and on a Kerrang! compilation"
  • Put dash between "highest charting".
  • Where Queensland is?
  • Reword #7 to number seven and same through with #23 to number 23.
  • There is an inconsistency in using United States, US and USA.
  • "Furthermore, "My Happiness" was Powderfinger's first single to chart in the USA, reaching #23 on the Modern Rock Tracks chart." is already mentioned in the second section but that part needs much rework.
  • Needs dash between "most played".
  • What is the relevance of this two non-free audio files? The captions are just mere reviews and its inclusion, especially to what section it belongs, is not justifiable.
  • riff needs linking.
  • "The band were described as following in the footsteps of Crowded House." Who said this?
  • The whole critical reception needs rework. Like the others, its jumbled.
  • Music video must be put after the reception; sections need re-arrangement.
  • Remove those charts.
  • Use en dash in the track listings.
  • References are not well-formatted. For instance, incomplete dates like September 2000 should not be linked (like ref 1, 2, and 3). Please go over with the references and format them accordingly.

That's all for now. I'll re-read the article after some suggestions are addressed or objected accordingly. Im not a good copyeditor so another fresh eye(s) would be better. --Efe (talk) 03:03, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:55, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Welcome DM. --Efe (talk) 03:40, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Drewcifer's comments Looks pretty good! I have some minor suggestions, but nothing too earth-shattering. Otherwise, I'd say this bad boy's close to being ready for FAC. My suggestions are in no particular order, just they order in which I noticed stuff.

  • "The single was Powderfinger's most successful to date, peaking at number four in Australia," there's something awkward about that sentence, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it's the "was": weird tense with the rest of the sentence, or something like that, I'm not really sure. It just flows oddly to me. Any way you could reword it? Something like "The single proved to be..."
    • Comment prove sounds POVic. --Efe (talk) 07:33, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • I've reworded somewhat. Is it any better? dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:10, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • "The single is Powderfinger's most successful to date" I think is fine. --Efe (talk) 09:53, 22 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Powderfinger lead singer Bernard Fanning wrote "My Happiness", which he said was about love and loneliness—it followed in a melancholy mood that could be found on much of Odyssey Number Five." Kind of an awkward passive tone here.
  • I think the em-dash is a wee bit overused. You could definitely get rid of the second one ("...about love and loneliness—it followed...") and the third ("...as a result of the song's success[10]—Beat journalist..."). The latter could probably be worded better as two separate sentences.
  • I think ARIA Awards should be ARIA Music Awards, per the article title.
    • Sounds ORish, but I've never heard anyone in Australia include "music" in the title. That includes all the TV networks (IIRC), newspapers, and the like. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:10, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Not really sure how people refer to it, but I'm just going off the article title. Perhaps it's the award's article that needs renaming? Drewcifer (talk) 11:01, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...and topped the Triple J Hottest 100, 2000." is a little awkward because of the weird name of the chart. That's not your fault, but maybe you could lessen the blow a bit by putting the word "chart" in there somewhere.
  • "As most of Fanning's songs were written as emotional responses to situations..." I'm not sure this should be in the past tense. They guy is still alive and writing songs, right?
  • "Fanning said "My Happiness" was "about love and the pinning feeling you experience when you spend time away from the one you love", noting the influence of gospel and soul on his work, stating "I listen to a lot of soul music that's unashamedly about love and how good it makes you feel" and noting that love was "much more important than anything else to me"." is a very long, somewhat confusing sentence.
  • Alot of the "Background, writing, and recording" section doesn't actually have anything to do with the background, writing, or recording, it's just various people opinion's about the song, what the song sounds like, and how Fanning feels about it in retrospect.
  • "Upon release, "My Happiness" peaked at number 23..." seems a little redundant to say "Upon release". Can a song peak without being released?
  • "Incidentally, it was reported that Australians were "starting to get sick of My Happiness", one of the reasons the band decided to focus overseas." I don't think "Incidentally" is the right word here.
  • The first paragraph of the "Music video" section goes into a bit too much of a plot-based synopsis, I feel. Also, what the heck does "busking" mean?
  • I'm not sure it's necessary to wikilink "single" in the "Release and commercial success" section.
  • "At the time of the single's release, Internationalist..." What the heck is Internationalist? It's not mentioned, explained, or wikilinked anywhere else in the article (except the Powderfinger template at the bottom, but that's totally cheating).
  • ARIA should be spelled out the first time it's mentioned (in the "Release and commercial success".
  • "...and on a Kerrang! compilation; Kerrang!2 The Album." not a good use of a semi-colon.
  • "Furthermore, "My Happiness" was Powderfinger's first single to chart in the USA..." The "Furthermore" seems unnecessary here.
  • "which he rated one and a half stars" out of how many? 2? 5?
  • Not sure why the audio samples are in the Critical reception section.
    • There was a fair bit of reception to "My Kind of Scene"...I'm thinking of moving the "My Happiness" sample up and leaving them split. Thoughts? dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:10, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • In a related note to the above, the article is sorely missing a "Music"-type section. Like I mentioned above, alot of this type of info is already in the background section (which doesn't fit well in that section), so this might just be an issue of rearranging stuff you've already got. The audio samples would definitely be better suited there then in the Critical reception section.
  • Not sure why the years are bolded in the Awards table. Also, consider wikilinking the years (to ARIA Music Awards of 2001 for example).
  • Per WP:Album, the dashes in the track listing section should en-dashes.
  • A personnel section would be nice.
  • As would an external links section.
  • The presence of Billboard in the in-line citations are a bit random. Some say Billboard, some say billboard.com. Some are italicized, some aren't. If it's the website it shouldn't be ital, if it's the magazine it should. Choose one and stick with it.
  • mvdbase.com is not a reliable source.
  • All Music Guide is now called Allmusic.

Hope this comments have helped. Let me know if you have any concerns with my suggestions or if there's anything else I can do to help. Drewcifer (talk) 07:26, 20 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:10, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • PS. I complete disagree with Efe's suggestion to remove the charts. Plenty of FA articles have such info, but more importantly, it presents facts that are better done in a table rather then prose. Drewcifer (talk)
    • Comment I disagree. One chart only contains three entries. Usually, charts are used when there are a lot of entries that it can facilitate easier and smooth browsing than a prose. --Efe (talk) 09:39, 21 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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