Wikipedia:Peer review/Miyamoto Musashi/archive2

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Miyamoto Musashi[edit]

The archived peer review can be found here: Wikipedia:Peer review/Miyamoto Musashi/archive1.

The concerns of the old peer review appear to have been addressed, and somewhat recently I went through and improved it enough to remove the factcheck template, and just generally improved it. Feedback would be great, because it looks like it might be FA quality. --maru (talk) contribs 02:10, 8 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Some suggestions:

Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per WP:MOS, headings should not repeat the name of an article whenever possible. Also, the word "The" at the beginning should generally be avoided.
Don't know what you are referring to. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
For example, Musashi's Way of Strategy -> Way of Strategy, since Musashi is redundant with the article title. See WP:MOS#Headings. AndyZ t
That better? --maru (talk) contribs 05:32, 17 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Don't need to. One source for the majority of the article, and that's in the Reference section. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
They don't need to be included, but preferably more can be added, as rising standards for featured articles require greater numbers of footnotes to fit WP:WIAFA criteria 2(c). AndyZ t
  • Avoid weasel words - right in the lead, the article states that He is believed to have been one of the most skilled swordsmen in history. - by whom is he believed to be so? Please provide a citation. Claims, "It is said"s should all have citations.
That's a bit silly. Miyamoto is one of the most famous martial artists ever, and definitely the most famous Japanese swordsman. As well cite someone saying that Jesus was an important religious leader... --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Well, it is good to be WP:NPOV. Weasel words are a big source of objections on WP:FAC. AndyZ t
I guess you are referring to using PD instead of PD-self like it should've been? Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Questions are not asked to readers, so questions like why Arima was there in the first place - was it to challenge Munisai, who as mentioned earlier was fairly famous adept? should be removed.
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please keep with the past tense (Musashi disappears from records. -> ~~ disappeared ~~)
That's fixed. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quotes need citations
I've fixed the only example I found. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Use #: instead of a semicolon to avoid breaking a numbered list
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Possible untruths should have footnotes, and should also be prosified (converted to paragraph form).
  • Please alphabetize the categories and other language links.
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Please use the   (no-break space) between numbers and their units of measurement, as per WP:MOSNUM. Also, the units of measurements in the parentheses should use standard abbreviations (miles -> mi). Thanks, AndyZ t
  • This article finally needs a good copyedit. Some examples:
    • Also, he had a rather no-nonsense approach to fighting; with no additional frills or aesthetic considerations. - semicolon should be replaced by comma
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • Dorin and Musashi's uncle by marriage Tasumi both educated him in Buddhism and basic skills such as writing and reading. Comma needed before+after Tasumi, who is him referring to?
Done. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • In 1592, there is a suggestion that Munisai dies, is-> was
Your proposed corrrection is wrong, but I've fixed it to be clearer. --maru (talk) contribs 04:05, 9 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, AndyZ t 20:11, 8 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]


As someone said above, "This article finally needs a good copyedit." Here are some points:

  1. Check links and style. Remove link to "Miyamoto, Japan" --- it doesn't need an article, and certainly not under that title. Link "Sakushū" to Mimasaka Province. Link Tajima Province. Clear up awkward constructions like "Banshu/Hyogo" (link Banshū to Harima Province, or Hyogo to the prefecture; do we need both?). Link Myoshin-ji and remove "temple." Likewise remove the "Cave" from "Reigando Cave."
  2. "Sirota" needs Wikipedia Hepburn. Macrons throughout the article where MOS-JA specifies.
  3. Check all links to see if they're direct. If they're not, change them.
  4. Look up "the war between the Toyotomis and Tokugawas" and link to it. Remove the "s" from the family names.
  5. Remove "of Mu" above the heading "Later life and death."
  6. Musashi in fiction: You have a link to the main article. Take out all but the most important and put them in the main article. The films, and the Yoshikawa novel, are more important than most of what's in the list.
  7. Bibliography: remove comma before parentheses; fix the macrons (remove where unnecessary and add where necessary). Dokkodo (#3) seems to be the same as The Way of Walking Alone (or The Way of Self-Reliance) (#5).
  8. "Anecdotes about the Deceased Mater" —— What?

Separately, is all the speculation necessary? For example, date of birth, parentage, eczema, derivation of name, crawling through dead bodies, number of duels and whether the estimate is conservative... The encyclopedia article should be about Miyamoto Musashi, with much less speculation, legend, modern fiction, and hearsay. Removing most of this would result in a stronger article. --Fg2 08:15, 10 May 2006 (UTC) and 09:04, 10 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've addressed your concerns (well, except the foreign language formatting bits, which I don't know how to do). I left in most of the speculation, since I don't think hiding the very real obscurities and uncertainties of his life does our reader a disservice- what if they come across a similarly dogmatic text which takes a different tact? From their perspective, our article appears to be lying, when it is merely differing interpretations. I did take out the dead bodies bit because that's bothered me ever since I saw it.
I'm gonna go copyedit it now. --maru (talk) contribs 06:04, 17 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
You've improved the article quite a bit. Again, regarding speculation, I think the article would be stronger without it. Date of birth, eczema etc. The date of birth section is so detailed that it could merit a separate article. The main article could say "Main article: Birth of Miyamoto Musashi. The date of birth is conventionally given as so-and-so. It is inconsistent with such-and-such. Researchers A (citation), B (citation), and C (citation) have published theories. Amid much speculation, the actual date of birth is unknown." I don't think that does the reader a disservice; it acknowledges the inconsistency, provides suggestions for further reading, and balances the article with later sections. Fg2 12:55, 20 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think the section on his birth is all that long; I can read through it in a minute or three. --maru (talk) contribs 15:36, 20 May 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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