Wikipedia:Peer review/Mario Gómez/archive1

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Mario Gómez[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to eventually get it to GA. I'm fairly new to this process, so any suggestions on how to improve it would be welcome.

Thanks, Perfect4th (talk) 22:54, 31 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from TRM[edit]

Some general comments:

  • Check for duplicate links, it's cool to link in the lead and once on the first appearance in the main body of the article, but not really needed after that.
I believe this is  Done
  • Avoid emotive, NPOV terms like "thrashing", "rout", "cruised", etc.. Let the bare facts talk for themselves.
 Done
  • e.g. grammar: "for Bayern as Bayern Munich won 4–0 over Indian National Football" avoid such quick repetition, and we would normally say "the Indian National..."
 Done
  • Imagine reading this if you're not a football fan. Do you think "slotting home after work" makes any sense to non-experts?
 Done
  • Mix up the prose a bit, like "Gómez scored two goals. On 16 December 2011, Gómez scored" is really tiring to read.
  • "sub"? substitute, this is an encyclopedia.
 Done
  • Link all "technical" terms, like "substitute", "corner", "pass", "cross", "header" etc etc, whatever is there. Never assume the reader is an expert in football.
 Done
  • Gets a bit proseline, like one- or two-sentence paragraphs, not elegant.
? I'm afraid I don't understand.
  • "Gómez' "-> "Gómez's".
 Done
  • "his final half-season" is this a European football thing, like after a winter break? I don't recognise the idea of a "half-season".
 Done ("In his final half-season at the Volkswagen Arena, Gómez scored only once in 15 appearances." -> "Gómez scored only once in his last 15 appearances at the Volkswagen Arena")
  • Is EU-football.info a reliable source?
  • I would individually reference all his honours. And don't put references on section headings.
 Done

Hopefully some of that helps! The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 17:28, 12 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much! That will definitely help. Perfect4th (talk) 17:40, 12 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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