Wikipedia:Peer review/Lombo Pocket Watch/archive1

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Lombo Pocket Watch[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because…I would like to get some feedback on how to improve.


Thanks,

LPWRHR (talk) 17:04, 8 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Some feedback:
  • Note WP:LEAD - for an article of this length, there should be a max of about 3 paragraphs.
  • WP:HEAD suggests that headings should avoid having links; see if you can move the links to some part of the prose. Also, it looks like the text could use a couple more links.
  • WP:MOSNUM discusses the usage of conversions, eg. 1 m (3 ft). I added   already.
  • The footnotes need proper citing; there are now {{Cite web}} templates, could you fill in the parameters? For example, title, author, date of access, etc.
  • Have the article fixed for spelling and grammar mistakes (suggest that you request that somebody else helps, since having a pair of fresh eyes is good). Couple of examples: (use cursor to hover over underlined)
Lombo Pocket Watch is a grey harness racing colt, gaited a pacer he was foaled 16 October 2003.
The second sentence is too long and should be split up, as its rather hard to follow the subject of the sentence.
1st of June 2007 - WP:DATE - avoid using 'st' 'th' for dates
As at December 7, before his McInerney Ford Classic victory, Lombo Pocket Watch sat at 28th on the all-time stakes winners list, and Australasia's youngest millionaire pacer.
Also, there are a bunch of typos. In the fourth paragraph 'in' needs to be capitalized. Also spell-check, contributer (contributor),prestigous (prestigious).
Do you think you could find a free picture? That would be nice.

Good luck, AZ t 21:23, 8 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]


  • Could you run the slide rule over the updated version and see what else needs to be done. I don't have any photos and I'm not sure he'll race in melbourne again. LPWRHR (talk) 13:31, 9 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 02:39, 11 December 2007 (UTC)[reply]
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