Wikipedia:Peer review/List of The Inbetweeners episodes/archive1

List of The Inbetweeners episodes[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because myself and a number of other editors have spent time on this article and it would be great to see how far away FL status is for it, and what needs to be done in order to get it to the status.

Thank you,
Wisijane 22:27, 19 June 2009 (UTC).[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Sounds like an interesting and funny series, here are some suggestions for improvement.

I would add who the characters are in the image caption, which currently reads The Inbetweeners Series 1 DVD. This contains the 6 episodes from the first series that was broadcast. and change it to something like The Inbetweeners Series 1 DVD cover showing (left to right) Will, Simon, Jay, and Neil (or whatever the real order is)
The last paragraph of the lead is only three short sentences and could perhaps either be combined with one of the other paragraphs or perhaps expanded. I would try to be consistent in information given - in the last two sentences why not give the number of episodes in season two? I am also not sure of the use of "between" - how would "during" or even "in" sound?The first series consisted of six episodes and ran until 29 May 2008. The second series ran between April and May 2009.[2]
Watch overlinking and needless repetition - just in the lead we are twice told "Will (Simon Bird)" with a link to the actor's name each time. E4 is linked twice in the lead. Or there is an internal wikilink to the first episode, which seems odd to me (I assumed the episode was notable enough to have its own article - readers know to scroll down otherwise in a list of episodes to read about each one). See WP:OVERLINK
Language is awkward in places and needs a copyedit - for example In order to impress his new-found friends, Will attempts to, illegally (because he is underage) purchase alcohol. could just be something like Trying to impress his new-found friends, the underage Will attempts to illegally purchase alcohol.
There are a number of jargon terms which I was not familiar with - bunk off for one, or briefcase mong. I would link bunk off to truancy. Not sure about the other. See WP:JARGON
There are also places where the language is not very encyclopedic - "winds up" in winds up Neil's dad about being gay for one. I would read WP:IN-U especially and the whole Wikipedia:Manual of Style (writing about fiction)
Current refs 3 and 4 are jusr bare links and need much more information - Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
Current refs 1 and 5 are the same and should be combined with the ref name = feature (ask on my talk page if you do not know how to do this)
Refs 3 and 4 are to amazon.com - is this a reliable source?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 16:35, 30 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot for your help, Ruhrfisch; it is highly appreciated. Managed to get a lot of the items done, and only need to go over the prose to work on the encyclopediac language and jargon terms. Thanks again, Wisijane 19:11, 30 June 2009 (UTC).[reply]