Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Indianapolis Colts starting quarterbacks/archive1

List of Indianapolis Colts starting quarterbacks

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I plan on submitting it for WP:FLC. I've patterned it after other NFL pages for starting quarterbacks that have reached featured list criteria. I would appreciate any feedback or comments.

Thanks, Seimi2602 (talk) 16:40, 9 August 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FLC.

• Glad you have one or more model articles (lists) already, as a model is useful for ideas and examples to follow
• There is a toolbox on this page which shows disambiguation links - this has some, though one is to the Baltimore Colts (so might be one you want to keep)
• The first sentence does not really follow WP:LEAD which says in part The article should begin with a declarative sentence telling the nonspecialist reader what (or who) is the subject. The current first sentence does not even mention the word quarterback: The article should begin with a declarative sentence telling the nonspecialist reader what (or who) is the subject.
• Avoid vague time terms like currently - They are currently members of the South Division of the American Football Conference (AFC) in the National Football League (NFL). could be something like They have been members of the South Division of the American Football Conference (AFC) in the National Football League (NFL) since YEAR.
• I would the year to this sentence After 31 seasons in Baltimore, Colts owner Robert Irsay moved the team to Indianapolis.
• I would rewrite this The Colts' past starting quarterbacks include Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee Johnny Unitas, as well as the Associated Press National Football League Most Valuable Player Award (MVP) winners Earl Morrall and Bert Jones. Unitas also won the MVP award three times in his career. to focus on Unitas first, then the other MVPs. So perhaps something like The Colts' past starting quarterbacks include Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee Johnny Unitas, who won the Associated Press National Football League Most Valuable Player Award (MVP) three times. Other Colt QB MVP winners are Earl Morrall and Bert Jones.
• This seems like it could be tightened: The franchise's first starting quarterback was Fred Enke, who started 9 games in total for the Colts. maybe Fred Enke was the Colts' first starting quarterback, and started 9 games for the team.
• Problem sentence - be consistent on capitalization of quarterback, and MOS says to spell out numbers less than 10 The Colts struggled early on to find consistency and stability at the Quarterback position with 5 different quarterbacks starting at least on[e] game in the first two seasons of the franchise.
• MOS also says to use "first" not "1st", etc (spell out less than 10)
• I would give the year(s) of the season Shaw completed
• Avoid needless repetition - spot it here and win a prize (a better article) In 1970 the Colts, with Unitas under center, would return to the Superbowl in 1970.
• Or here When the Colts entered the league in 1953 the Colts played a 12-game schedule.
• ALso try to avoid using the same word or variants more than once in the same sentence, if possible. See award(ed) here: During his eight year tenure as the Colts' starting quarterback Jones led the team to three consecutive AFC East division titles and was awarded the 1976 AP MVP award.
• MOS says to use someone's full name the first time in an article (so "Johnny Unitas") and then just their last name after that (so just "Unitas") unless there is more than one person with the same last name in the article, or thefull name is used in a direct quote (can also use full name a second time on first use after the lead in the article body)
• Third and fourth paragraphs of History need references, as does the first paragraph of Statistics
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 17:11, 27 August 2011 (UTC)