Wikipedia:Peer review/Joe Louis/archive1

Joe Louis

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

This has been rated as a B-Class article -- a fact I noticed as a result of my recent work on the Jackie Robinson article.

In the last week I've rewritten the article, retaining as much of the prior work product as is justifiable. But it's a substantial rewrite, with the addition of about 60 unique references, including a number of web-accessible books.

I think it's close to FA-class at this point, but it could still use some work. In particular, if anyone has a print copy of Louis' "My Life" autobiogrpahy, that wold be a useful source. I only reference it indirectly at present, since it's not web-accessible.

I'll notify the relevant wikiprojects and any listed volunteers for the subject of boxing.

Thanks. BillTunell (talk) 19:32, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Recognizance:

• I formatted the lead with proper line breaks rather than <br>. The sentence about his cultural impact should probably go to be safe as far as NPOV; the article reads fine without it anyway. (Edit: It seems someone took their own measures to NPOV the lead. "He was a professional boxer" seems like it doesn't do justice a topic sentence, but maybe the edit came from you.)

I've reworked this to be more NPOV. The rest of my changes are outlined below in bold.

• It does say little is known about his childhood, but is there any indication of why his father was committed?

Not that I can find

• You may wish to change "but was eventually outclassed by Miller" to just "eventually lost" for tone purposes.

changed

• I changed "did not experience the same fate" to "did not meet the same fate". Another way to put this would be "suffer the same fate" depending on the meaning you wish to convey.
• You refer to Roxborough as a "numbers man" - too slangish (and confusing to those unfamiliar with the term).

changed to "bookmaker"

• The examples of the "commandments" should be incorporated into the text. The sentence that follows can then conclude the paragraph.

I've left his as-is for now, hoping that I can find a more thorough citation to the commandments later. As a list, I think it's appropriate for bullet-point formatting, although if there's a MOS treatment on the issue I'll change it.

• "Louis worked his way back up the pecking order" is another example where it sounds too casual.

changed

• "The effect that Louis' championship had on African American pride in the 1930s is hard to adequately relate to a modern audience." - Please try. Same idea for "no less a luminary than Langston Hughes". Just needs a little change of tone.

changed

• The last few paragraphs in Louis vs Schmeling II lack inline citations. My understanding is that one per paragraph (or at least one after the last paragraph) is preferred.

changed, although this is meant to be more of a summary section, given the exitence of Joe Louis versus Max Schmeling

• Another example of tone issues: "the beautiful jabbing" in the Conn fight. I'm not one to cry peacock at statements of obvious fame/greatness/whatever, but keep an eye out for this kind of stuff.

changed

• Need some fix-up in the sentence about Ezzard Charles: "defeating when he outpointed Jersey Joe Walcott, was set for September 27, 1950".

changed

• I noticed you use Answers.com as a resource. While they may have legitimate outside information assembled on the page, Wikipedia is also listed and hence bad form.

I've kept the answers.com site as a reference, but it's no longer the exclusive reference for any claim.

Great job doing justice to Louis. Recognizance (talk) 20:41, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. BillTunell (talk) 17:00, 6 May 2009 (UTC)