Peer review/Jim Jones/archive1 received a peer review by Wikipedia editors, which on 27 April 2022 was archived. It may contain ideas you can use to improve this article.
I've listed this article for peer review because... I am improving this article for a FAC review and would like feedback to consider before submitting.
The amount of literature and breadth of this topic is quite large. This article has two main sub-articles: Jonestown and Peoples Temple. I have tried to present a balance summary of those articles here, I would appreciate especially if you could let me know if the content of the article should be expanded or contracted. All feedback is welcomed!
Article needs some serious trimming. At 11504 words, it is likely to be opposed at FAC on criterion 4 (length and summary style). I would suggest rewriting the article to be more concise and use summary style to reduce the length. I generally think most articles should be kept to 7,000–8,000 words for an optimal balance between comprehensiveness and length.
"In popular culture" section should be prosified, with only the most important and notable works covered.
Non-RS sources such as IMDB should not be cited. (t · c) buidhe 21:28, 17 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you! I had already trimmed the popular culture section quite a bit. I went ahead and spun it off into a separate article. I will try to trim back a bit based on your feedback. I can spin some of it off into the existing sub articles. —Charles Edward(Talk | Contribs) 20:21, 21 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"To support himself, Jones began working as an orderly at Richmond's Reid Hospital in 1946. Jones was well-regarded by the senior management, but staff members later recalled that Jones exhibited disturbing behavior towards some patients and coworkers." This is cited to a private youtube video ("Jonestown: Jim Jones: Mastermind American Cult Leader". US: A&EBiography. 1998. Retrieved 2021-03-19.), and raises copyright concerns unless A&E posted it on their official channel. What exactly is said in the video? Are the article statements based on interviews or the narrator's statement? If this is longer than 10 minutes, can we get a timestamp?
Good catches! I went through this article about three months ago and resourced most of it to written biographical accounts. Quite a bit had been previously sourced from television documentaries. I personally prefer book sources because it is much easier to access those sources for verification. I kept the PBS documentary because it was easy to watch online. The content referenced is in the PBS documentary and the Reiterman book too. So I went ahead and just removed the A&E citation. (Allegedly, Jones purposefully humiliated and scared some patients, and locked a trainee in a room with amputated limbs. And early version of the article described the events in more detail, but it was trimmed down to just the one sentance.) I completely missed the AllOutAttack ref, I will removed it and rewrote the section using another source. Thanks! —Charles Edward(Talk | Contribs) 12:42, 23 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"In a signed note found at the time of her death, Marceline directed that Jones's funds were to be given to the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and specified: "I especially request that none of these are allowed to get into the hands of my adopted daughter, Suzanne Jones Cartmell."" This is cited directly to the letter itself, which is not a great source. Is there any secondary source that covers this, and where Jones' money eventually went? (t · c) buidhe 03:04, 23 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, Reiterman covers that in detail. Its pretty certain the Soviets got the money, but most of the assets was in foreign banks so there is not a great paper trail. There is evidence of instructions being given to the banks to transfer all the money to the Soviet Ambassador in Georgetown, but the Soviets never admitted to receiving the money. I updated the section a bit. —Charles Edward(Talk | Contribs) 13:04, 23 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
