Wikipedia:Peer review/Jena Six/archive2

Jena Six[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this article recently passed GA. I'd like to nominate it for FA, but I'm not sure it is ready yet, and would be grateful for a peer review. The article is extensively footnoted and is kept up to date.…

Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 20:46, 13 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks pretty good to me. Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.

Article could provide context for the reader in several places - see WP:PCR. For example, would it make sense to give some demographic and other information (a sentence or two) on Jena, Louisiana at the start?
Many of the headers seem overly detailed - perhaps "DA address" or "DA Speech" instead of "District attorney addresses the school assembly"
While the detail there is good, there were places that seemed to me to need an explanatory note to clarify things. For example, in "School arson, fight, and confrontation" (another section header that seems like it could be shorter) it says Six black youths, including 16-year-old Robert Bailey, Jr., attempted to enter the party at about 11:00 p.m. - I think it should make clearer here who these youths were - are they the same six who are the "Jena six"? Are their identities unknown? Are they a group of different members, some the same of the Jena Six? Or at the start of the "Attack on Barker" section would it make sense to explicitly say at the start that this was "the Jena Six" incident? You get the idea...
There are places where it says things like this According to media reports, a black male freshman asked the principal whether he could sit under the tree.[9] - could the media reports be identified?
Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:01, 21 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]