Wikipedia:Peer review/Jarome Iginla/archive1

Jarome Iginla[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article on the Calgary Flames' captain is already a GA, and is on my list of articles to aim for FA status. As always, I am looking for feedback on prose quality, and also on whether the use of hockey terms is understandable to a non fan, as I would not be able to adequately judge that. Thanks! Reso lute 17:52, 2 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
What makes www.hockeydraftcentral.com a relaible source (Note I got a malware warning when I tried to access it... so I didn't click throuhg, thanks.)

I've never had a problem with the site before in terms of malware (I get it too right now in Firefox), so I suspect it was a bad ad host that might have flagged the site. I've seen a couple other websites get hit the same way. As far as reliability goes, I'm not sure it is, though it is used simply to point out that an argument exists regarding Graham being the first black captain. I'll be looking for a better source before FAC.

Newspapers titles in the references should be in italics. If you're using {{cite news}}, use the work field for the title of the paper, and the publisher field for the name of the actual company that publishes the paper

It shall be corrected.

Please spell out abbreviations in the notes (TSN?)

lol, I'm starting to get hit with that a lot. Corrected.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 22:02, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! Reso lute 04:20, 8 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This was a nice smooth read. I don't think it'll have much trouble at FAC. I had to look hard to compile this short list of suggestions to go with Ealdgyth's few above:

Images

All look fine. The one under "Captaincy" should be moved down a paragraph or so to keep it from bumping against a second-level head. The licenses look fine.

I always forget that part of the MOS. fixed.

NHL career

"His 35 goals was still enough to lead the Flames for the fourth time in five seasons." - "Were" rather than "was"?
fixed

Captaincy

"though former Blackhawks captain Dirk Graham is also claimed to hold that honour" - Suggestion: "though former Blackhawks captain Dirk Graham is also said to hold that honour".

Good call, changed.

"said former captain Craig Conroy of his decision to relinquish the "C" to Iginla" - For the non-hockey fans, it might be helpful to explain what the "C" is. Maybe "... to relinquish the 'C' (captaincy) to Iginla" would do.

I was guilty of using a bit of slang there. Changed it to "...relinquish the captaincy"

"six player representatives with a mandate of coming up with recommendations" - "Preparing" or "devising" or "making" rather than "coming up with"?

Eeee, that was awful English on my part. Fixed.

"his $7-million per season wage considered to be less than he would have received had he tested free agency" - Missing word? "Was considered"? Also, wiklink free agency?

done and done. Thanks! Reso lute 04:20, 8 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

If these comments prove helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That it where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 23:46, 7 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Some excellent suggestions, thank you! I will look to act on many of these ideas, and certainly will try to help another editor out in another Pr. Appreciate the feedback. Reso lute 00:36, 8 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments A few quick things:

In reference to him losing out to Theodore for the Hart, it couldn't hurt to include the point margin. If I remember right, he only lost by like 1 or 2 votes, the closest it had ever been. That would definetly be notable enough to include.

The image with him winning the Molson Cup should probably state that in the caption. At first glance I thought it was the Art Ross, not that it really matters, but a more explanitory caption should be added. Kaiser matias (talk) 05:20, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Good point on the Hart controversy... especially since the difference was the result of a Montreal writer deliberately leaving Iginla off his ballot. I'll have to go digging through the archives on that one. And, caption changed. Thanks! Reso lute 14:10, 10 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I got a book that mentions the Hart controversy. I've got more written on the Iginla talk page. Kaiser matias (talk) 04:41, 11 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]