Wikipedia:Peer review/James G. Blaine/archive1

James G. Blaine

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think it's mostly good, but want to see if there are any weak spots that need improvement before nominating it for Featured Article.

Thanks, Coemgenus (talk) 14:57, 10 February 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

• Lead:
  • "Blaine was one of the late 19th century's leading Republicans and champion of the moderate reformist faction of the party known as the "Half-Breeds". Nicknamed "the Magnetic Man," he was a charismatic speaker in an era that prized oratory. Blaine was born in western Pennsylvania and moved to Maine and became a newspaper editor." I think you need to move the first two sentences a bit later in the lead so they are chronological, or move them into the first paragraph rather than the second.
  • Probably need to either link to "suffrage" or explain it. Not everyone is going to understand that (I'm sorry to say)
  • "...during the administration of Ulysses S. Grant." You probably want to say "during the presidential administration of Ulysses S. Grant." for those non-Americans.
  • Confused by "Railroad promotion and construction were important in his time, and as a result of his interest and support Blaine was widely suspected of corruption in the awarding of railroad charters..." was he active in promoting railroads? If so, suggest "Railroad promotion and construction were important issues his time, and as a result of his interest and support Blaine was widely suspected of corruption in the awarding of railroad charters..."
  • "His efforts marked the beginning of a more active American foreign policy." what were those efforts?
• Teacher:
  • "They next lived with the Stanwoods in Augusta, Maine for several months,..." err... why did they go to Maine and who/what were the Stanwoods to them?
  • " ...become editor and co-owner of the Kennebec Journal." probably need to state where this is located.
  • AAHHH! His wife is a native of maine... probably should mention that when you introduce her earlier...
  • You never actually say explicitly that Blaine took the offer of the Kenebec Journal - probably should and note when it was.
• Maine:
  • "In 1858, Blaine ran for election to the Maine House of Representatives, and was elected.[20] He ran for reelection in 1859, 1860, and 1861, and was successful each time by large majorities." Lots of "elected/election/relection" here .. can we reword a bit?
• Reconstruction:
  • "...but at the time partisan zeal led him to follow his party's leaders." I assume that means he voted to impeach? MIght need to make this explicit.
• Monetary policy:
  • Probably want to make it clear that the non-gold-backed-currency was the same as the greenbacks you mention later - it's not clear.
• Mulligan:
  • "Blaine's ill health combined with the lack of evidence against him to garner him sympathy among Republicans, and when the..." Somethings off here. Perhaps "Blaine's ill health combined with the lack of evidence against him garnered him sympathy among Republicans, and when the..."
• Plumed knight:
  • Probably want a footnote or something to note that Legislatures selected senators until after Blaine's lifetime.
• US Senate:
  • "but neither could he join the Republicans led by Conkling—later known as the Stalwarts—who opposed Hayes." Why couldn't he?
• Garfield's assasination:
  • "Arthur asked all of the cabinet members to postpone their resignations until Congress recessed that December; Blaine tendered his resignation on October 19, 1881 and left office December 19." It's unclear if this action was in conformity with Arthur's desires?
• Nomination:
  • MIght be worth noting that William T Sherman was John Sherman's older brother (and I might add, both are distant relatives of mine - I think something like third counsins twice removed or something like that.. I'd have to do a huge diagram!)
• Party leader:
  • "Blaine and his wife and daughters sailed for Europe in June 1887.." daughters? He had daughters? Haven't mentioned them before...
  • "Blaine returned to the United States in August 1888 visited Harrison at his home in October, where twenty-five thousand residents paraded in his honor" two questions - first part is confused, do you mean "Blaine returned to the United States in August 1888 and visited Harrison at his home in October"? And second - who is the "his honor" referred to? Harrison? Blaine? It's not clear
• General:
  • Excellent work as always, but would like to see a recap of his family at the end and some sort of "legacy" section. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:47, 15 February 2012 (UTC)

Comment from Wehwalt

I may do a PR or comment later at FAC, but one thing I saw from a hasty glance at the article, and that is Blaine's delegate count in 1892. You say 182. The actual figure seems to be 182 1/6, see here (page 141). This is material because McKinley got 182, exactly.--Wehwalt (talk) 10:03, 19 February 2012 (UTC)

You're right. I'll change it. I wonder who the 1/6 delegate was? --Coemgenus (talk) 13:30, 19 February 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Eisfbnore

• "Blaine was born in western Pennsylvania and moved to Maine and became a newspaper editor."—I would swap the second 'and' for 'where' to avoid repetitive prose.
• "He began his politician career as an early supporter of Abraham Lincoln and the Union war effort in the American Civil War."—politician career? Why not 'political career'?
• "Initially a protectionist, he later worked for a reduction in the tariff and the expansion of American trade with foreign countries."—I'm not clear why you first use an indef article before 'reduction' and a def article before 'expansion'. I would use indef articles in both places.
• "Railroad promotion and construction were important issues his time"—are there words missing?
• "Blaine was widely suspected of corruption in the awarding of railroad charters, allegations that plagued his 1884 presidential candidacy."—it's not clear what the antecedent of 'allegations' is. I would try something down the line of "Blaine was widely suspected of corruption in the awarding of railroad charters; these allegations plagued his 1884 presidential candidacy."
• "He graduated four years later near the top of his class, delivering the salutatory address in June 1847."—not sure about you, but I loath noun+present participle/gerund/-ing constructions. (see User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing). In fact, I challenge you to remove every third present participle construction in the article!
• "Blaine did makes his views on the subject known and believed that three-fourths of the non-seceded states would be sufficient to ratify it"—I do hope that the 'did makes' is a typo.
• "A bipartisan group of inflationists, led by Republican Benjamin F. Butler and Democrat George H. Pendleton, wish to preserve the status quo and allow the Treasury to continue to issue greenbacks and even to use them to pay the interest due on pre-war bonds."—tense issue: the 'wish' should be 'wished'.
• "Blaine was widely seen as an effective Speaker with a magnetic personality and President Ulysses S. Grant valued his skill and loyalty in leading the House."—this sentence produces a garden path effect: when I read it, I first thought that he was seen as an effective Speaker with a president! The easiest way to get out of it would be, IMO, to place a semicolon after 'personality'.
• Okay, these are all my quibbles (I read down to '1876 presidential election'). I look forward to seeing this at FAC. Good luck. --Eisfbnore ^talk 15:11, 20 February 2012 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review. I think I've fixed these. I don't mind gerunds as much as you and Tony do, and I don't think the ones here are as bad as those examples you linked, but I'll try to cut back where it makes the sentence's meaning less clear. --Coemgenus (talk) 15:20, 20 February 2012 (UTC)